And Now a Word From…the Dawkter’s Wife by Jennifer Hussey

The scene: It’s Valentine’s Day. You look around, and once again your spouse is gone.

Your choice: Feel sorry for yourself and wallow in your misery or take the opportunity to tell yourself that you deserve to celebrate yourself.

Here are a few suggestions for giving yourself the Valentine’s Day you deserve.

One of the first things that the commercials remind you about for Valentine’s Day is jewelry:  Diamonds, pearls, precious stones, gold, silver, platinum.  Sure you deserve a fabulous piece of jewelry or a new watch. The reality of the medical lifestyle says that it’s not likely to happen given the typical income of the medical student, resident or fellow though.

The Dawkter’s Wife plan to solve this one:

Appreciate the jewelry or watches that you already own. Take your favorite pieces and go to a reputable jeweler. Ask to have any precious metals and stones cleaned. Ask the jeweler to check any prongs that hold your stones. If you have pearls (or other pieces of jewelry that are strung) have your jeweler test the strand.   It’s well worth the cost to have any valuable or sentimental pieces restrung. Most pearls should be strung with individual knots between each pearl so that they don’t rub against each other. Have your watches cleaned and batteries replaced. This is the day to replace any watch bands and have metal watch bands sized. (Make sure you get the links back in case the band needs to be resized or you need damaged links replaced at a later time.)

If you haven’t yet done so, make an appointment to have your jewelry appraised and add the replacement value to a rider on your home-owner’s or renter’s insurance policies. Pat yourself on the back for taking care of yourself and your precious pieces.

The next thing the commercials and magazines throw at you incessantly:   Flowers.

If your honey remembers or is awake enough to remember that it’s Valentine’s Day, you’ll want to do what you can to prolong the life of your flowers. According to the flower experts (aka a woman I heard interviewed on the Diane Rehm show on NPR) the best way to keep your flowers looking fresh is to replace the water in the vase every day. When you have the flowers out of the vase, cut off about a half inch from each stem. This will do more to prolong the life of a flower arrangement than using sugar, salt, vinegar or preservatives in the water.

So, your honey didn’t remember to send you flowers? Well, you have a few choices to take care of yourself the Dawkter’s Wife way. Solution #1. Send yourself some flowers. Who better to celebrate your fabulousness than you? Order a dozen roses, an orchid, a cactus- doesn’t matter. Order a card with it. Sign it- “to me, YOU ROCK! Love, me.” Or if you know any other languages- sign it in a foreign language. Enjoy your little moment all day. Solution #2. Go to your local botanical garden. Appreciate the warmth and the beauty of the plants and flowers without actually having to attempt to take care of them. Mentally plot your dream garden when the training is DONE. (or if training is done, mentally plot the garden of your dreams when you have time/energy/money to do it!) Solution #3- have a plant or tree planted in your name. Lots of towns and cities have parks or forests that are for memorials or remembrances of loved ones. Why not have a tree planted for yourself? There are reforestation projects in the rainforests, in parts of the Middle East and in some of America’s parklands. I once donated trees planted in Israel for as a wedding gift for a couple that already had everything.

The next over-marketed Valentine’s Day gift? Lingerie. The Dawkter’s Wife way to celebrate the Valentine’s Day Lingerie Onslaught. If you’re a female medical spouse, swallow your pride and your nervousness and go to a real lingerie shop. If you have a Nordstrom nearby, they pride themselves on their lingerie departments; otherwise find a lingerie store habited by ladies of a certain age. Have yourself measured and try on as many bras and panties as you can. You will discover that you have been wearing the wrong sized bra. The Oprah Winfrey show did a show and 94% of her studio audience was wearing the wrong-sized bra. I went to a lingerie shop in Washington, DC and discovered that I was off by TWO cup sizes. Clothes fit much better and bras are much more comfortable when you’re wearing the correct size. I also learned that you really do need to take the time to try them on. My days of grabbing the ‘right size’ off the rack at the PX or Target are sadly over. I may buy them from those stores but I definitely try them on first.

If you’re a male Dawkter’s spouse- go buy yourself some new underwear. Really. Your medical spouse won’t notice but hey, you deserve it. Buy yourself something fun if you want. Throw in some new undershirts and live large ! Throw away the undershirts that are torn, holey or have stained pits. You’ll feel so much better. I’ll feel so much better knowing that you did. You wife will thank you.

Finally, if you drink wine, pour yourself a glass of something that YOU like. Or make yourself a cup of herbal tea or a cup of hot chocolate. Light a candle or two. Take a bath- add in those bath salts that have been sitting on the counter for years. Take a steaming hot shower. Listen to the music that your beloved can’t stand. Or listen to the music that reminds you of your hard-working beloved. Read a book. Watch the TV shows that your honey can’t stand. Put clean sheets on your bed. Sleep in the middle of the bed. You are important. Sleep well iMSN friend.

This month’s Dawkter’s wife is Jennifer Hussey.  Jenn is a founding member of the international Medical Spouse Network.  In addition to managing the medical lifestyle, Jenn also is raising an adorable little boy Nikolai and her husband, Rick.