I knew I'd neglected my blog, but I had no idea for how long. We have a lot going on here. I'm a little overwhelmed with the three kids, but it's a really good overwhelmed. I laugh MANY times a day and am really living in the moment. I am a little intimidated when I have to take them all somewhere on my own, and work to avoid that. It's especially challenging to get DD to preschool, when DS wants to stay, all the kids want to hold the baby, and a simple drop-off turns into a 30 minute endeavor.

I'm not loving Bloomington as much as I'd hoped. That's really hard for me to admit, as I was so hoping this was our final destination. The worst part of this is that DH loves his job and his group. I can see being here for 5 years or so, but as the kids get a little older, I'd like a bigger city. I'm thinking Indianapolis. DH thinks that's hilarious. He would like to stay here or move to Chicago. We'll see. The best part is that we are only two hours from family in Chicago, as well as having access to museums, shopping, etc - it's just that all of those activities become an all day event when they are two hours away. I'm also really irritated that tort reform was reversed in IL shortly after we moved here, and the state has just stopped paying the schools. I knew from growing up here that IL is a ridiculously corrupt state, but it's really frustrating as an adult. I also really miss my friends in Ohio. While I know we'll never live there again, I'd love to live closer to Columbus (hence my fabulous Indianapolis idea).

I have really been struggling with DH's work lately. It's great that he loves it, and he is getting really good opportunities to be involved in whatever he desires. Unfortunately, some of the patient population here is really sick, but in a different way than in Ohio. There, he had so many drug addicts, patients assaulting the staff, and generally scum balls. Here, he has the patients who are so much like us, but having kids who die unexpectedly, get diagnosed with cancer in their 30's, walk in seemingly fine and walk out with a diagnosis for death.

I've never struggled with this before (a big part of one of my previous jobs was to review every death in the hospital and look for opportunities for rescue). I'm finding myself much more over-reactive when my kids are sick, and fearful of DH or I dying or becoming incredibly sick at a young age. I don't know if this is something that was bound to happen now that we have three kids and are reaching an age where our friends are starting to have major illnesses, or if I am just losing some of my coping skills. It's also hard because other people don't really understand. We had a house full of visitors (3 mommy-friends, and 7 extra kids) for a week when DH lost a baby and a toddler in one night. He, understandably, didn't want to see anyone the next day (he usually needs about a three day grace period to even really function after losing a kid, let alone two), and it was really hard for me to support him. It was just so sad, I wanted to go curl up in bed for a few days. But, I had to get up, entertain, put a smile on my face, and pretend nothing was really wrong. I just hope it's not going to be this tough for the next 25 years.

Okay, my entire train of thought was just interrupted - the baby just woke up from her morning nap. This is kind of the story of my life right now - gotta go!