what effect did pregnancy and childbirth have on you?

My MIL, a former labor and delivery nurse, always offers the following wisdom about pregnancy: "Once you've been lived in, you aren't ever the same".

Very interesting quote. But it really freaks me out.

This thread is quite scary for someone who's never had children!

I was afraid of pregnancy before I read this thread--now I'm really scared.

In what other ways do you just feel different--not necessarily weight-related, etc. but I was surprised to read that some of you are allergic to new things, have new body parts hurt, etc.

Umm, I seem to have issues with preterm labour, but other than that (and exhaustion) was fine during rpegnancy. I was lucky I guess...DS1 and DS2 were born when I was only 20 and 21 so I suppose that might have helped physically, but naahh on second thought I got horrid stretch marks so maybe not. The only real lasting difference for me has been with DS3...I can't seem to get rid of the last 15 pounds no matter what I do. Who knows that could be age though..maybe I'm not meant to be a size 8 anymore? One advantage of having kids young was that I didn't have as much difficulty adjusting to the lack of a life and space..I had never really had much of one. I hope that once they are all gone I get the chance to do more for me. I don't mean that as horrible as it sounds..I'm really NOT in a hurry for them to grow up

[alison]

My MIL, a former labor and delivery nurse, always offers the following wisdom about pregnancy: "Once you've been lived in, you aren't ever the same".

Very interesting quote. But it really freaks me out.

This thread is quite scary for someone who's never had children!

I was afraid of pregnancy before I read this thread--now I'm really scared.

In what other ways do you just feel different--not necessarily weight-related, etc. but I was surprised to read that some of you are allergic to new things, have new body parts hurt, etc.

Yeah, it's kind of scary to read these, but it sounds like it might be worth it?!

[PrincessFiona]

It's worth it.....most days :>

[mommax3]

Very uneventful here, too. Three medicated, vaginal, term deliveries with no complications. Breastfeeding was always difficult to get going, but we got the hang of it each time.

Worst parts: morning sickness x 3, sleep deprivation, sore nipples, and weight gain (that remains )

Best parts: the babies , 2nd trimester sex , feeling each one kick when I was carrying them, hearing that first (very fast) heartbeat each time

After my first, I felt like I had been run over by a truck for a good two weeks, and I felt like a stranger in my own skin for a good three months or so. I never could lose the last 10 pounds of my pregnancy weight. It wasn't the smoothest transition to motherhood!
After my second, I felt better MUCH sooner, even though he was a worse sleeper than his older brother. I was back in my regular clothes within six weeks.....clothes that reflected the 10 pounds I had never lost the first time.
My third pregnancy had more aches and pains attached, and FAR more heartburn. I attributed that to the fact that I was over 30 when I was pregnant that time, and also the fact that I was running after a 5 year old and a 2 year old, working part-time, selling a house (and all the stress that goes with that), and doing the single mom thing during DH's last year of residency. After Nathan was born, I seriously felt like I could have ridden a bike home (no tears!) and had a fairly quick recovery, physicially. Mentally and emotionally, though, I took a hit that, combined with a move six weeks before the birth and the events surrounding 9/11 (with a husband in the military), I had a hard time recovering from. It was a long, hard year, but I still would have had another baby if DH would have wanted to, but he was ready to be done.......I think he was scarred by what he watched me go through that year. I have kept on 20 pounds from that pregnancy, which added to the 10 pounds I never lost the first time, and the 10 pounds I had gained after marriage/before kids, leaves me with a sizable amount to lose. Good thing I am tall! Truthfully, given that my weight gain began (albeit slowly) before I even had kids, I think I would have struggled with that issue whether I had pregnancies in my past or not.

It was all TOTALLY worth it.

Sally

[Michele]

I should point out that up until my 6th month I felt GREAT!! No nausea, tired yeah, but I was an intern! And I just started feeling really swollen and fat during that last month before my liver shut down . Seriously though, I love this little guy and I loved being pregnant. I would so do it again and again if not for the early/NICU thing.

My pregnancies both went really well, and my deliveries were probably as easy as they get. I still HATE being pregnant, but I really don't have much to complain about (doesn't stop me, though).

Michele - my friend had HELLP at 33 weeks, and went on to have a 2nd baby w/o any issues. Just a happy story to cheer you.

[DCJenn]

Well, obviously I didn't give birth. But for those who ponder adoption- please know that this is no easy road, either. First, it's expensive. and for those people who have gone through IVF and other fertility treatments prior to going the adoption route, you're about tapped out financially. (we didn't go the fertility treatment route much to the great dismay of the military- they're all gung ho and it would have cost much less than the civilian world, but it just wasn't something we considered)

That said, there are a ton of emotional and financial landmines that we waded through. It was hard, it took 18 months and when you factor in travel costs on top of adoption expenses, it was close to 45 thousand dollars. We're getting ready to prepare our next Post-Placement Adoption report for the Russian Government (he retains dual citizenship) and they expect pictures and details. (not that I blame them but it's something that needs to be considered when looking at the various adoption routes.)

Friends of ours from residency adoption domestically for about 30k. other friends from residency adopted domestically for much less through a church affiliated group and then did a foster to adopt through the local county government. There are lots of way to add to your family.

I had no desire to be pregnant though and was very much relieved to find out that it wasn't going to happen. The checkbook was in pain, but he's worth it.

Jenn

[Deebs]

It's funny - I work coordinating prenatal education programs, but after 1 delivery, I am terrified to have another. This thread has actually reassured me that we have all lived through this and the couple of years it will take me for pregnancy and recovery are definitely worth it.
And, from watching what friends have gone through, it's definitely simpler than adoption.
The whole time I was pregnant, I kept telling DH, "I guess I'm just not like most women who just love being pregnant." It wasn't until after I delivered that women began telling me that being pregnant isn't all it's cracked up to be. I couldn't understand how I was sick all the time (didn't overeat - that didn't help my "morning" sickness), but still managed to gain 30 pounds. I just felt huge and totally unattractive. It also didn't help that I was working in a job 60+ hours a week and would be in the middle of leading a meeting when I would completely lose my train of thought and never get it back. I felt like an ugly idiot.
My delivery was also difficult - DD was OP and, as much as I pushed, after two hours, she still wouldn't descend. At the same time, we couldn't get a good read on her via any type of monitor, so I ended up in an emergency c-section with my blood pressure all over the place, and suspected internal bleeding that made the surgery more complicated.
It took about two weeks before I could get out of bed without help. DH and i had to move to the lower level of our house to minimize steps. Then, at my 6-week check, my OB asked me if I wanted to try for a VBAC with my next one. I started crying and told her I would, as long as she could absolutely guarentee I would end up with a vaginal delivery (needless to say, I'll be having another cesarean, hopefully). I just can't picture myself going through such a challenging labor again only to end up in surgery.

Okay, all of that is my long way of making this point - professionally, I see women all the time that really need to work through their previous birth experience in order to make peace with it and move on to their current pregnancy and next delivery. However, personally, I feel really guilty and selfish for dreading being pregnant again. I would do anything to have DH go through it all instead of me.

[Phoebe]

I didn't particularly enjoy being pregnant except for the fun parts of feeling the baby move, etc. This probably sounds selfish, but I didn't like that my body wasn't mine anymore. Towards the end it was difficult to deal with not being able to do things that makes me feel healthy like running. I became a clumsy airhead. I feel down the stairs, fell off my bike and lost my mind which I still haven't found. Minus 4 months of morning sickness and fatigue, my pregnancies were very uneventful and healthy.

Two deliveries went great and my middle was induced 5 days after my due date which resulted in lots of decels in the baby's heartrate and it took ten hours for me to dilate. I was very close to a C-section. I swore off induction after that point.

Post-partum isn't easy, although my body healed quickly and nursing has always gone well. My weight hasn't come off like I hope it would, but I have lived with it. Emotionally, at first, it was an adjustment both individually and my marriage.

If I was younger I would definitely do it again.

[Malpka]

I am one of those freaks who love being pregnant. I actually feel like a healthier stronger version of myself the entire time I love having a big belly, feeling the baby move, and - I will admit- all the attention. The only thing that stinks is my allergies are horrific when pregnant, and I end up spending most of Spring indoors hiding from the pollen.

My first delivery was not what I had wished. I compromised on what would make me feel most comfortable because I did not want to upset family members and was worried what DH's attendings/co-workers would think if I had a homebirth like I wanted. I think the anxiety affected me a lot, and I had a really looong labor. I think DS's birth was a huge learning experience for me, because it was maybe the first time in my life that I realized there are just some things you cannot control through planning and research- they just are. I was dissapointed for a time after that birth because it did not go how I would have orchestrated it Now I realize how sucessful the experience was- an uncomplicated vaginal birth to a healthy baby. My last two births were really awesome experiences for me. I decided that if I was going to go through something that was that painful, I felt entitled to do it my way. This last birth was such a breeze, I still cannot believe it is possible for it to be that easy. Such a blessing. I know I am extremely fortunate to have had three really good experiences with such excellent outcomes.

The hard part for me is always the post partum. I am another big gainer, and as soon as the babymoon wears off, I am always filled with self-loathing at the state of my body. It takes nearly a year of hard work to get back to some state close to where I start out from. I am also another "lucky" one whose babes refuse the bottle, so I am also sort of tied to a baby 24/7, at least until they start some solids or something that can be substituted for short outings. Also complicates the whole losing weight thing- ugh. I am already dreading pulling out my fat clothes to see which ones I can squeeze my bloated post partum body into

My last pregnancy was rough, very rough. My first was easy, gained about 15 lbs to much, but the only glitch was DS went breach the last week and I got a c-section.

My last pregnancy went pretty normal, we had a 6 week scare of bleeding and I about lost it, but it passed and things went fine. At 28 weeks I started nonstop contracting. Like 12-36 times an hour. This put me on bedrest, I was told to constantly go into L&D and went like 18 or so times, not to mention the 2 times I had to stay over. I was on Matria - a nursing service via phone, and home monitor, had a cathe via pump for Terebutaline, and was on a drug regiment that changed every other day. Nurses, and doctors didn't know what to think, as I contracted more than other women - ON the drugs. I capped out on the terb, had to detox off it in the hospital to go back on it - HELL on earth btw - especially for a few hours there... DH and I were constantly trying to prepare for an early birth, we counted every week. It's hard to see your body viciously try to get rid of your baby when it really couldn't survive on it's own. Early on when I would contract the muscles would bare down so hard litterly I could see just the lump on my belly of just baby and placenta - I was just horrified. We had help, but just getting through mentally was something I totally gave to God, as I had no strength left in myself. I was weak, slept horribly, and the second to last time I came in the ER I just lost it, and cried to the dr on staff - whom I got to know by them. It didn't help that I got off the wall responces from nurses - through Matria, several almost had panic attacks when they saw my monitor come through and see how many contractions I had even on drugs, which often stressed me out big time. The nurses in the hospital were 50/50 good and not helpful. I was told: to eat more meat, to drink more, was I faking it (um you could see the contraction on the monitor not to mention feel them) , a nurse rushed 2 lbs of fluid through me once w/out asking the dr cause she was freaking out (DH is still livid about this) , I was asked if I just wanted to get away from my son and family I did make it to 36 wks, as soon as I had to get off the drugs 24 hrs in was in true labor. DD was born and ended up fine.

So yeah, I'm affected. I was done having kids then, but can't have anymore now, even if I wanted to. But I can't look at my pregnancy pictures yet, and I don't feel nastalgic about it at all. I wish I could. I did my darndest to stay healthy in this pregnancy eat right, worked out every week, was running up to almost 6 months pregnant - slow but still running and was very proud of my accomplishments. Then 8 weeks of bedrest, constant fear and stress, and a body completely broken down. When I went to therapy after the birth to regain my strength I was very shocked in just how much muscle tone I lost, I could barely do a leg lift. I couldn't run until almost a year pp without pelvic pain/ strain on the joints.

It's some what easy and very hard to talk about my last pregnancy. With women - who've had children in the last 10 years, sometimes it's very hard to talk about my experiance. Here's why - women have this thing about birth, and I find it's really mostly consentrated to birth, but women just feel that their experiance is the worst/best/whatnot. And often when you try to just talk about your experiance immediately the other woman thinks you are trying compare it to theirs So much so that if another woman is having a hard pregnancy I try to say things that are helpful and words of encouragement, cause if I say oh I know who it is - some kind of wall comes up :huh: Maybe this is only with women with complicated pregnancies but it's frustrating to go through a hard time, and find you can't even try to relate to another person. Right now my cousin's wife is in the hospital for the very same problem, with twins, and is hospitalized due to her having twins and she is a very frail woman (think bird thin). I'm not close to her, but would like to visit her, but wonder if this would be taken wrong at all (she's kinda a hard person to read).... obviously this is my own issue.

Anyway the end is I have two wonderful children my body is not the same, wish I could get the old boobs back , wish plastic surgury was a fix and leave kind of fix, wish the stretch marks weren't there, but I grew up not having a mom, wishing for one, wanting to be one, and there has been no better healing to my soul for a hard childhood than these two children I begged God to give me.

So yeah the events were hard but totally worth it.

[Michele]

Michele - my friend had HELLP at 33 weeks, and went on to have a 2nd baby w/o any issues. Just a happy story to cheer you.

Yay! Jenn!

[Rapunzel]

I actually really love this thread.

I think this is one of my favorite threads on here.

I guess I feel comforted in hearing all of these different experiences - good and bad.

[Deebs]

Have any of you used a post-partum Doula? I will elect for a repeat cesarean for my next delivery, so no Doula needed. But, especially with the weird schedule of DH's job, I think it would be nice to have a postpartum Doula to help DD adjust, and maybe do some light housework and errand running for me.
For my first, my family came out for a few days and were a huge help. Then, my inlaws came, ate all the food my mom had cooked and left in our freezer, held the baby so much that I felt I only saw her when she needed to nurse, and messed up my house. I won't repeat that mistake. I'm thinking a Doula would be a good solution here. Any thoughts?