What is the norm in your family?

[houseelf]

I'm curious because the experts all have their say about the effect of nudity within a family.

[Auspicious]

Since I don't have kids and can only speculate, I didn't vote in the poll, but I think we would be "cover up all the time" parents, except hopefully more with the tone that "naked bodies are terrific but they're personal" rather than the "nudity fails to teach boundaries" idea.

[mommax3]

My husband grew up as the oldest of three boys, we have three boys.....
not a lot of modesty around here. There have been times that I have had to ask for some privacy, but generally, as the boys get older, the privacy has just kind of happened without us saying much. Our oldest two boys both went through a stage of asking me where my penis was, and I am sure their younger brother will be the same. I think they kind of feel sorry for me because I don't have one! I grew up in a very modest household, with all girls, so the fact that our family is so open has much more to do with my husband than with me -- but I am not sorry. I feel like this way is more healthy, but I can't articulate exactly why.

Sally

We are definitely in the "cover up all the time" category. It is not that the naked body is something to be ashamed of and we try to teach our kids that their bodies are very special and need to be taken care of. We are big on teaching the kids modesty and wearing appropriate clothes. Of course, I think we have it much easier having boys. I wouldn't let my girls wear half the stuff that is out there nowadays. 8O As parents, we also dress appropriately to set an example. The only way my kids are going to see me naked is if I forget to lock my room!

Robin

[DCJenn]

My mom was pretty comfortable around me when she was getting dressed and my dad was pretty comfortable around my brother- I think their message was clear. We bathed together for a long time, (hosed off would probably be more accurate) and she'd toss us in the shower with dad if we were all gross and muddy. I think that stopped around age 6 or 7 for me. (and if any of you have ever been to Loehmann's giant dressing room- one HUGE room of people trying stuff on, you get over any hang-ups quickly!)

My husband has no modesty at all. I think he's been in the military too long. All I can say is that my next bathroom is going to have a door that locks!

I have no idea what we'd do with kids. Probably find a happy medium between nudists and completely covered up.

Jenn

[Rapunzel]

I like the way Julie phrased it, "I think we would be "cover up all the time" parents, except hopefully more with the tone that "naked bodies are terrific but they're personal" rather than the "nudity fails to teach boundaries" idea." That describes my family's practice of modesty to the tee.

I'm definitely more modest with my son than with my daughter. I'd like her to feel comfortable enough to ask me about anything including privates. With my son, I make sure he's out of sight before I unclothe but I'm willing to talk about any questions he may have.

[peggyfromwastate]

We also are quite modest. Our daughter, 7, sometimes is very modest and sometimes runs through the house in her underwear. But she is definitely going through the modesty thing. One day I was changing my shirt and she walked into my room and looked very embarrassed, and then later was asking me a question and mentioned something about when I was doing the "bra thing".

Has anyone seen the movie called Don Juan or something like that? It has Johnny Depp playing the role of the original Don Juan-- it's pretty funny, but it shows his character even as a small infant looking at his mother in a way that makes her cover up b/c he's looking too intently. That scene just comes to mind when I read this topic and these posts. Funny how different families are...

[SueC]

Well, we are in the "not modest" camp, though our kids are still pretty small. Our oldest is three and so far she hasn't been overly curious when her father changes in front of her. I think if I had boys I would tend to be a little more modest than I am in front of the girls. I grew up in a non-modest household as well. My dad often walked around in his "tightie-whities", though to my memory not completely nude. In fact he still does that, much to my husband's horror the first time I took him home. My mom never worried about being nude in front of us (and I'm talking about when I was a kid by the way, she doesn't walk around nude in front of my husband! 8O ) and in a way I think it was a good thing because growing up she never once criticized her body in front of me or indicated she was in any way unhappy with it. I think that is especially important to project to young girls. Anyhow, interesting topic Kelly. I'm sure now that our oldest daughter is growing up we'll have to change our policy at least for my husband anyway!

[houseelf]

I guess that we fall into the totally nude category. It is not that we intended for this to happen, it just did.

First, I nursed for a year and barely went with a top at night when things got uncomfortable. Then, hubby was gone so much and I worked so it just seemed easier to put the little guy into the bath tub with me.
At 2 and 1/2, we quit taking community baths unless I happen to be in the tub on a Saturday after a long run. The little guy is desperate for a mommy fix after my having left him all morning so he generally wanders in and insists getting in to play submarines. It is definitely not a Calgon moment for me although I do have the benefit of one less chore later in the day. Additionally, both hubby and I sleep in the natural state so if the little guy wanders in from his bedroom in the middle of the night...well there we are in all of our glory. (We really have to get a lock...we are a Freudian image waiting to happen.) Now we're in the middle of hard core potty training. Pursuant to the suggestion of our pediatrician, the little guy is running around with only a top on in order to better feel the sensation of having to go potty.

I'm sure as he gets older this will change. It is not like we made a conscious decision to be like this, it just kind of happened. We were both raised in families in which nudity wasn't the norm but it wasn't a huge deal either. Sometimes when it dawns on us that this might not be normal we just say that we're being Sweedish. In a way it does feel very natural and not that big of a deal until I realize that this doesn't happen in every other household.

Kelly

[mommax3]

Kelly,

Our family sounds pretty close to yours, and for many of the same reasons -- nursing, husband gone all the time, etc. My husband sleeps nude, but the only times I have done that have been when I am pregnant and perpetually overheated. If you would have described how our family functions in terms of modesty (or lack thereof! ) to me before I had kids, I would have been horrified.

I was starting to get a little worried about our "open door policy" about the time we moved from San Antonio -- our bedroom was downstairs and all the others were upstairs, so naturally everyone congregated in there. We also had a huge master bath, so our other bathrooms were hardly ever used. I was going to take it upon myself to reform things a little, but as it turned out, our move took care of it. We have a much different floor plan now -- our bedroom is at the end of a hallway, we only have one story, and our master bathroom is dinky. So the boys rarely come in our room, and almost never use our bathroom. Of course, nothing is really sacred, but I have noticed that although our oldest may come in our bedroom when I am dressing or using the bathroom, he will hang back if he realizes that is what I am doing, and I respect that by keeping the door closed if I know he is there.


Nice to know there are some other "Swedish" people on the board!

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

Swedish people

Well, count the germans in their too....I answered the first one...When I was in germany, one of my good friends there (who was 27 at the time) took a shower and put a towel on her head and walked across the house....with her dad and myself in the living room.....and no one even blinked...it was totally normal. I nearly had a heart attack....then my brother-in-law shocked me by running around in his tighty-whiteys when we were at Thomas' house....(He was in his mid-twenties at the time). I slowly came to realize that the body was nothing to be ashamed of and that in some cultures it was natural to talk about things or to be nude and not be ashamed. We're trying to instill the same in our children....

Though...we don't run around buck neckade all of the time

kris

[SueC]

I'm glad some other nudists posted because I was starting to think we were a little wierd. We kind of evolved to be the way we are also, and I also think that nursing got the ball rolling in that direction. I hadn't really ever thought about it too much before, but it would have been almost impossible not to bathe, dress, and use the restroom in front of the girls since they almost always like to be in whatever room I am in. I forgot to mention, I have a 100 pound dog that is also usually hanging around as well when I am in the shower or the bathroom, etc.

[houseelf]

Whew, I'm relieved! We might be normal....nah.

The image from "All Quiet on the Western Front" of all the young soldiers sitting on the john playing cards together comes to mind since we just started potty training. Bodily functions have really become a family affair at our house. After all..."He is a super duper pooper..." Sing along with me if you know the banal words to this song.

Kelly

A little late to reply but we fall in the first category....nude all around at our house. Of course, our daughter is only 2 1/2 right now and as she gets older that will change a bit re: her dad. But for now it works.
As with many of you, it was a natural progression for us (not that I was really planning anything different). I found that the best way to keep an eye on my VERY active crawling/climbing daughter was to have her in the shower with me. And she got clean at the same time too saving me the time of bathing her later.
We also sleep in the natural state. Not sure what we will do about that when she is older and comes in at night. We'll figure that out later.
Anyway, I am pretty comfortable with the situation and with nudity in general. Bryn sees plenty of other naked women at the gym when we swim in the summer. I'd rather have her ask me a question about bodies at home than at the gym!