My preschooler keeps grabbing the baby!!!

[PrincessFiona]

I need some advice....Alex (age 4 1/2) keeps sneaking to Aidan (5 weeks already!!!) and picking him up out of his cradle, bouncee thing...wherever he is. He is actually carrying him around! 8O 8O 8O If I go to the bathroom, for example, he will pick the baby up and carry him to the sofa 8O 8O . I have reached a point of actually locking the baby into his car seat if I need to do something...if I leave the baby in the living room though and go and throw the wet stuff into the dryer, Alex tries to pick up the car seat and carry it to the sofa. I have tried reasoning with him, yelling at him ....I've gotten pretty unfriendly about it at times, but he just won't listen.

The other day I was trying to PM Nellie and the baby was sleeping soundly in his cradle right outside my door. Alex was sitting here playing Legos (he built me a house). He got up to go to the bathroom and the next thing I knew he was walking towards me carrying the baby 8O This made me feel guilty for even trying to get online...I have barely been able to get on and I feel badly for not answering people...at the same time I can't leave the baby alone for a second even if he is sleeping with Alex home. (Alex is at preschool right now so I'm trying to catch up a little bit).

How should I handle this??? Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm afraid he is going to accidentally hurt the baby. He loves him to pieces and just wants to be able to hold him. I do let him hold the baby when I supervise it...

kris

[houseelf]

Not to freak you out, but as you know, this is a huge safety issue. I work with a girl whose youngest child was injured by being carried around by her oldest daughter while she was cooking. The baby got a concusion and the family was reported to child services for inappropriate supervision.

Obviously, this story is a freak accident, but you are correct to be concerned. I realize that my three year old has a terrible attention span so I'm concerned about this eventuality. Still, Alex needs to know that he is absolutely not allowed to carry the baby, even if it means being evil mommy for awhile. This is a serious offense and if you believe in spanking, I might even give a little swat next time. Ever since we spanked our three year old for running out into the parking lot, he holds our hand without fail. If you save this punishment (albeit controversial) for the really, really important safety issues, it just might work. Otherwise, just ride herd on him and make this your single biggest issue with him. Good luck.

Kelly

[PrincessFiona]

I'm going to come right out and say that sucks that they reported the family to CPS.....I am being as dilligent as I can, but accidents can and do happen.

The idea of spanking has definately crossed my mind...of course, if he ran to preschool and told his teacher that I spanked him, she could call CPS for that too

Amanda tried this one time with the baby after we had just gotten her home. I was not there at the time. Thomas and I had gone to the grocery store and Oma was with them. I told her that if she had tripped and fallen that the baby would have been seriously hurt if not killed. She told me should wouldn't trip and I pointed out that the dog could have knocked her down and that even I have slipped/tripped on the floor from time-to-time..that the baby is heavier than she thinks and that accidents happen. She got so freaked out that she cried and it never happened again.

I'm so frustrated/upset by this.

kris

[houseelf]

I don't say this to upset you. Believe you me, I know how a preschooler can test that very last nerve. It seems like CPS go after the wrong people, the loving parents who have accidents but not the family who starves four of their foster children. It appears to be a pretty flawed system.

I know, how 'bout you drop Alex off to live with us for the next few years until Aidan is old enough to fend for himself? The boys would love it.

Kelly

[mommax3]

Kris,

This is really a non-negotiable issue because of Aidan's safety....and yes, I have been there, twice. If you would ever conceive of spanking for any reason, now is the time. This could potentially be life or death. Alex (if he is anything like my boys) will not believe that he could drop Aidan until he actually does.....at which point, it will be too late.

Make sure to keep giving him supervised chances to hold him, but you need to let him know in no uncertain terms that he is NOT allowed to pick up the baby AT ALL and that there will be swift consequences if he does so.

As for CPS and spankings.......I am not going to sacrifice the character of my children because something I do might be misconstrued, especially when there are far more serious situations (like your 5 year old neighbor girls, for example) that are not being addressed by the people we pay to protect our children. (end of rant)

For my boys, when I explained about the soft spot on the baby's head and how even getting bumped too hard could be dangerous for him, each one (whoever was the next oldest) became very cautious about jostling the baby in any way, and they were very protective. So maybe that would help with Alex.

Good luck!

Sally

[SueC]

I agree that some sort of consequence that will get his attention needs to happen. Its very sweet that he is so infatuated with his baby brother, but he still needs to learn that he is only allowed to hold the baby with your supervision. I'm sure I will be dealing with this issue myself in a few months. I think my oldest (she'll be 4.5 by then as well) will follow by the rules but I could see her 2 year old sister trying to carry her around. Your story reminds me of a story my parents like to tell. When my sister was a newborn, my oldest sister carried her all the way down the stairs and laid her on the couch while my mom was busy cooking dinner. Nothing tragic happened, but it really freaked out my mom!!! Best of luck to you Kris!

Kris -- that sounds tough! I am sure that he just thinks he is being sweet or helpful, but it really is dangerous. Can Alex unbuckle the car seat, bouncy seat, etc latches? Maybe the baby should just be in those types of carriers (with latches) and latched in for now. But you still don't want Alex trying to undo the latches, I guess.
Have you had a one-on-one, eye-to-eye, I am really serious about this talk with him? If so, I think you do need a more severe and swift consequence for him. With a strong consequence for picking up Aidan, maybe also find ways that he can help you or chip in that are safe.
Good luck with this! And if you find a good solution, please let us know! I am not sure how Bryn is going to handle this sort of thing with the baby.

[PrincessFiona]

The solution that I've come up with is for now to simply take the baby with me everywhere in the house...even the laundry room. I feel really badly about this issue especially after reading the emphatic threads. Alex is 4 1/2 so you would think he would listen....I've been pretty downright mean about it....I got so angry the other day that I even screamed at him that he was an idiot 8O Please don't freak out...I was just so upset and he didn't listen. I don't want anything to happen to Aidan.

kris

[peggyfromwastate]

I've been worrying about this for a while, now. My twins will be almost 3 when the baby is born, and I realize that I won't be able to let the baby out of my sight for even a moment with those two around. They are rough, love to jump, don't listen tremendously well, and are fascinated wiht babies. I've been trying to teach gentle to them, but to my son that means patting the face (which isn't always a gentle pat) and my daughter just looks at me like I'm an alien. She's like, I'm gonna touch you how I want to touch you... I plan on at this point carrying the baby as much as possible in a front pack, and keeping her locked away for naps away from curious hands. I have a friend whose 4 year old fed the new 5 month old baby a chocolate chip (with nuts) coookie! Mom was cooking dinner, and big brother was "helping watch baby". I think at 4 years they know they are not supposed to do something, but it's really hard when it's a baby and they love that little person and want to cuddle, share cookies, whatever. It's really tender, and so you hate to discipline a good instinct, but maybe you can instill the instinct to protect the baby, instead... I wish you luck! Does anyone know when the extra vigilence around preschool aged siblings can be toned down a bit?

(By the way, you calling your son an idiot isn't the end of the world! He'll be OK! My daughter tearfully told me one day of a boy who called her an idiot at school, and I asked her what she was doing, and she was basically acting like an idiot, even from her own account! I told her that it was a mean thing the boy said, and that I didn't want her talking to her classmates that way, but that I thought she acted like an idiot too! Oh well. Mommy guilt here I come!)