I realize why i don't like being a parent

[spaz]

nt

[moonlight]

Eek! Get some hot tea, find a quiet space for 15 mins and just breathe. We all stress, but eventually we've got to let some of it go. Your doing your best, that's all we Can do!

[poky]

*hug* Your personality type seems similar to a friend of mine, who is happiest when there are known, measurable goals she can evaluate herself against, and tends to fret and second-guess herself a lot when there aren't. She never had kids, so she hasn't gone through what you are, but I'm sure she would if she had. The best thing to do would probably be to work at coming to peace with the knowledge that you've done the best you can with the tools and knowledge you had at the time, and even if you or your children might have been "better" or happier if you'd made different choices (which you can never know anyway), it is what it is, and your children are and will be reasonably happy functional members of society. They're their own people, too. Yes, you raised them and have had a large influence on them, but it's not ALL on you.

[HouseofWool]

Spaz, please don't take this the wrong way, but I am wondering if you have ever been evaluated for having an anxiety disorder. When you post, I see a lot of the circular thinking that is common when someone has anxiety, the inability to let go of any detail at all... I don't think your's is crippling, but *something* is slowing you down emotionally and I kinda wonder if this is it.

[spaz]

nt

[poky]

Ah, a double-dose; sounds like the two of you reinforce these thought patterns in each other, which makes it that much harder to break out of it. This is just a tiny part of why I am so incredibly lucky to have my husband. He is SO laid back, and seeing his example day in and day out has mellowed me out a LOT from what I was like when I met him. Once a decision is made, it's made. You made it with the best information you had at the time. Own that decision, and work on realizing that spending mental energy on second-guessing yourself is not productive, and gently redirect your thoughts when you find yourself doing that. I'm not saying don't learn from decisions that clearly don't work out, you definitely don't want to repeat them, but don't beat yourself up for it, either, and don't go looking for reasons to regret past decisions! Does God love you despite your lack of perfection? (this is where you say 'yes') - then do yourself the favor of treating yourself as He would want you to be treated, even in the quiet of your own mind.

[v-girl]

Does God love you despite your lack of perfection? (this is where you say 'yes') - then do yourself the favor of treating yourself as He would want you to be treated, even in the quiet of your own mind.

This.


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[ladymoreta]

Great advice, everyone. I can definitely relate to your feelings, Spaz. I alternate between "I'm making all the wrong decisions!" and "Nothing I do matters!" I often fall somewhere in between where I've convinced myself that I'm not affecting them in any good way but ruining their lives with every slip-up. Logically I know it's silly, but it's hard to stop your brain from being a jerk to you sometimes.

[Pollyanna]

Spaz I feel really badly for you. You seem to spend so much time trying to be perfect that you miss out on just being and enjoying life. Even if we all do everything "right" raising our children there is no guarantee that they won't screw up. We just don't have that much control. I think looking into anxiety issues as Kris mentioned might be a huge help. And don't worry about the baseboards, I promise no one is looking or cares.

[PrincessFiona]

I was going to write what Tara said. It seems like being perfect is very important to you, even though it sounds like it's costing you your happiness. I wonder what it would be like for you to accept that you have done the best job you possibly could? You are second-guessing a decision that you have already made (homeschooling) and the decision has already been made. Unless you're considering switching the kids over to the public schools, own the choice and go with it. You are wasting your energy.

Self-doubt is a normal part of life. Here's the tough line. There are NO right answers. There are no certainties. We aren't the grand master puppeteers of our children's lives even though we take comfort in feeling like we are.

It sounds like you have a lot of room to cut yourself some slack.

Kris

[Sheherezade]

So far, your kids are doing great. It's a moving target you are trying to hit, so you have to evaluate it every day. I can tell you that I could give you plenty of negatives for public school! I'm sure that someone with kids in private school could also tell you problems with that set up. No matter what you choose, there is a down side. As hard as that is to accept for your kids, it's comforting to know that no route is without a few bumps.

I think you are doing great. Deep breaths.


Angie

[spaz]

Thanks I guess i'll ask her about it if I go again.... Long story about why I may not be that I don't feel comfortable putting on here.

Yep, I aim to be perfect in all areas.... If I know what I should do and I am not doing it, then God will hold me accountable if I am just too lazy or selfish to do it. I wish I could relax...

So far I've made one of the desserts and 3 sides. Hubby will make the other 2 desserts and main dishes. I've changed sheets and done my room and my son's room. Two more bedrooms to get perfect for guests then out to the trailer to get those bedrooms ready. Hubby reminded me we needed to finish weeding the front bed and put in the mulch.

I don't know if we can get to the mulch or not.. Off to try.

[PrincessFiona]

It's admirable that you try to do so much, but perfection is not attainable. I don't know of any God that would hold you accountable for not making beds or getting to the mulch. I guess I'm going to hell.

[mommax3]

I think you need to remember that God is a God of grace and never commands us to be perfect (which sounds like your goal, honestly). In parenting, I do the very best that I can (I think we would all say that), but I am comforted by my belief that God loves my children more than I do and will ultimately use my inevitable mistakes to build their character and will intervene if my goal in a certain situation is not what my kids need. Remember that God doesn't love you because of what you do, but because of who He is.

[PrincessFiona]

Remember that God doesn't love you because of what you do, but because of who He is.

yes! Wish I could like this post from my phone. Well said, Sally.