Grandparent's Day

I'm hoping for some advice, despite the lack of recent posts....

We have Grandparents and Special Friends Day coming up at school. I'm sure I'm not the only one to have run into this issue....but we have no grandparents here and none visiting then. (Most of the time, I'm pretty ok with this ). At the recent Back to School night, the teacher said no problem if you can't have a grandparent attend but an aunt or uncle or close family friend is just fine. Well, we've been here a little over a year and have made some friends, but none close enough to hit up for spending the morning in kindergarten -- nor someone my DD would probably ask. It sounds like a lot of kids have someone to bring. Any suggestions?

[mommax3]

We ran into this over and over again at our old school.....and most of the kids had someone to bring in. Our last year there, I begged my MIL to come during that time, and she did.....my boys were ecstatic. The other years, I just went myself, and it was fine.

I like the idea of "Grandparent/Special Friend Day", but couldn't they just have the kids write a letter or something? Geesh.

Sally

[Vanquisher]

We have run into this too. I have always had it explained to me as just for grandparents, and my son wasn't the only one who did not have a grandparent attend. I cannot imagine being the only kid without a grandparent or aunt/uncle. It seems like your school makes it a bit of a high pressure siutation! I would go myself and not worry about finding someone to substitute for a grandparent.

Good luck!

Yes, our school seems to make this and other events a little high pressure.

I was going to go and be the "special person" which my daughter may have taken issue with... ....but she decided that our neighbor would be a good person to ask. She says he is special because he is so nice and he sprayed a yellow jacket nest for the neighborhood. He has a flexible work schedule and has been the "special person" for the boys down the block, too. Fingers crossed that he is free that day.

I talked to my neighbor about it tonight and her pet peeve is that this is always on a Wednesday. If it weren't mid-week, it might be easier for out-of-town relatives to make it. But I like your idea of a letter the best, Sally!

Oh, and I also found out that Grandparent's Day is viewed as a fundraising event. :disappointed: I'll be sure to let our neighbor know that he is off the hook!

[mommax3]

Yes, the fundraiser angle....

I know that is why our former (private) school played it up so much, too.

The first year my son was there, I had no idea what a big deal it was, or why. The kids brought home a paper stating that they were allowed to leave early that day if they wanted to spend more time with their grandparents. I didn't think much of it and checked off the box that indicated my son would not be leaving early, since his grandparents wouldn't be there. It turned out that my son was the ONLY student that didn't leave early (because of my ignorance) and he spent the afternoon watching a video while his teacher worked in her classroom.

We made other plans the next two years during Grandfriends' Day!!!!

Sally

[DCJenn]

Adoptive parents often run in to similar situations when the kids do the "where I'm from" stuff. One group I belong to wanted the kids to bring in their baby pictures- which is great except my kid doesn't HAVE any baby pictures. It ends up putting the child at a disadvantage in that he/she ends up having to explain WHY and that can open up cans of worms that everyone involved might not be ready for.

Maybe they should come up with better ways to recognize families these days.

Jenn

I think it does need to be a little more flexible about being a "special person" or friend day. Already, 2 of my daughter's grandparents are out of the running due to death or disability. And she is only 5! I'm sure other kids have the same situation as they get older. Sure, not everyone has family nearby -- that's just life in the big city -- but it would help to have it not be *such* a big deal.
The day is next week -- I'll let you know how it goes!

ps -- Lunatic, that is so sad about the child in your daughter's class. That would have really be a time to rename the event.

I'm sure your neighbor will be flattered that your daughter decided to ask him to attend. Why does the school always hold this event on a Wednesday? It seems like that would be the most inconvenient day of the week. I hope everything works out ok.

So, is parenting an emotional roller coaster or what?

Yesterday was the GP/Special Person day. The morning got off to a good start, Bryn seemed perky and well-rested. By the time I got to school for the event (late, thanks to a host of Murphy's Laws), she was mopey and didn't seem so happy. I have to talk to our neighbor to be sure he knows it wasn't him. She told me that she changed her mind and wanted me to be her special person. Well, 2 weeks ago, she would have told you there was nothing special about me!

But that still didn't seem like the complete explanation and her teacher came by and asked me if she was ok -- that she didn't have her usual "Bryn face" this morning. I thought maybe it was the sick chicken that I was planning to put down (change of plans, she seems better today, knock on wood!!!). Teacher said she would keep a closer eye on her and let me know.....

....and then I found out what was really going on. Sometimes it is hard for her to verbalize and talk about what is upsetting her right away. By bedtime she had told me that the neighbor and fellow k-gartner was giving her a hard time. This is nothing new and we have had on-going trouble with her since we moved here. I'm so frustrated.

[SueC]

Nellie I love your "Rock" tagline!
That stinks that she is getting trouble from the neighbor kid. At first I read it as the neighbor who was her special person was ganging up on her with another kid and was apalled, but now I see that the neighbor and kindergartner are one and the same. I hope she gets it all worked out, maybe this will be a good learning opportunity about dealing with difficult personalities???

Oops....sorry to be confusing. There are two neighbors. One neighbor is an adult who Bryn took as her special person. He likes to chat with us while she rides her bike, let us look at the fish in his pond, pick berries, etc. He's a really nice guy and enjoys spending time with the kids in the neighborhood.

The kid who was giving her a hard time lives in the neighborhood and is also in Bryn's kindergarten class. They have played together since we moved in a little over a year ago. Sometimes she is nice but sometimes she is a brat (more than the average and occasional brattiness that all kids display from time to time). Last spring we had to take a break from seeing her at all because she made several attempts to bite Bryn and had one successful bite. It has also put a strain on my relationship with the mom. Very frustrating.

I agree that this is and has been a good way for Bryn to deal with difficult personalities, learn that there are different rules in different families (in this case, no rules!). Most of the time she handles it pretty well, but the kid just really got under her skin this time. I really try to give kids a chance and I know mine aren't angels all the time...but this one....

[SueC]

Wow, a biter at age 5? That seems very odd!
We have a similar neighbor girl--it's a shame really. There aren't a lot of little girls in our neighborhood Maya's age but I really have to limit the time she spends with this kid because sometimes (more often than not) she really isn't very nice!

That exactly sums up our situation, Sue.

Yes, a 4.5 yo biter -- a little bit old for that sort of thing. The bite nearly broke the skin and was on her ear. :disappointed: One of the attempts was literally right in front of me -- I was close enough to see her go at Bryn with her mouth open and pull her away. I think her mom was pissed at me for yelling at her. I really only yelled her name and "stop" and it was just my gut reaction.

It's tough when she lives just down the street and sometimes a mean-ish playmate seems more appealing to DD than none at all. Luckily, she is around the corner a bit and can't see us when we play outside unless they are driving home. How pathetic is that? The silver lining was that it made me become much more active about seeking out playdates with other kids and in turn I got to meet some new friends that way.

I try to limit the time they are around each other. They are in the same class but I have talked to the teacher and she keeps them at separate tables and work stations. I really debated how squeaky of a wheel I wanted to be in insisting that they be in different classes. I think I made the right decision as this way they are kept at a distance but still supervised with someone keeping an eye out. If they were in different rooms they would still share recess time and might seek each other out more. This way they are used to seeing each other....at a distance!

[Meenah]

I say keep her home, play hookie and have a special mom & Daughter day. Then tell the school Luanne said too bad, we made our donation at the mall, they were happy to have just old Mom and her checkbook .
Geesh.
Luanne

I love it, Luanne!