Funny things your kids say!

I'm not a mom, but have been a counselor for years and big sister (for my entire life! ) and would love to keep an open constantly moving thread of funny things you've heard kids say.

My favorite kid-speak moment was at a summer camp a few years ago. A camper woke me up and we had this conversation:

Camper: Peanut? Peanuuuuuut!
Me (totally freaked out): What! What Camper, are you okay?
C: No!!! Noooo! LOOK! (she points at one of her bunkmates who is sound asleep)
M: I see her, she's asleep, what's going on?
C: NOOOO! Peaaaanut, she's suffercating my monkey!!!

I walked over to the sleeping camper and realized that she was sleeping on Camper's stuffed monkey, and it did look like she was suffacating her bunkmate's stuffed animal. I had to literally bite the insides of my cheeks so that I didn't burst out laughing as I wiggled the "suffercating" monkey from sleeping campers arms and gave it back to Camper to sleep with.

For the rest of the summer, any time the counselors needed a laugh, we repeated the "suffercating my monkey" line. My husband and I will say it every now & then still for a giggle.

What funny things have your children said?

edited for grammar mistake

[Cumberland]

We went blueberry picking yesterday and DD ate and ate and ate. About three hours late she had the most interesting dark blue diarrhea. She has since told me about twenty times- 'I diarrhea. I eat the blueberries. I blue poopie'.

along the diarrhea thread (so easy to come up with stuff ) .....

During our Alaska trip, Quinn came down w/a stomach flu. He vomited twice, but the next time his tummy was sick he had diarrhea. He looked in the toilet and said "Mommy - puke came out of my bum!"

really cute, but really gross, I know.

Just a few minutes ago I caught Jacob trying to climb to the top of our t.v. armoire. I said "What are you doing?" and he snapped back on the chair he was standing on, looked up and started "whistling" like they do in the movies when someone wants to avoid suspicion.

I know it looses something in the translation .. but it was made funnier by the fact that the kid can't whistle so he was going "hoo hoo hoo" to mimic whistling.

[HeartRN]

DD loves baby dolls...yesterday we were walking up the sidewalk to our apt, and as she held her doll over her shoulder, she said "Mommy, baby has poopy...and it hurt coming out" loudly enough for the person walking by to laugh.

A couple nights ago we were lying in bed and talking about what it would be like when Daddy gets here. I told her that I might cry because I was going to be so happy (Did I really say that!? :> ) Anyhow, I said sometimes people cry when they are happy AND when they are sad. She responded "But how do they know?" Which I guess meant she wondered how do you know if it's a happy or sad cry? I dunno if that's a stretch for a 2 1/2 year old brain, but it struck me as so sweet anyhow.....

[mommax3]

(You have to have seen the movie "Nanny McPhee" to understand this, so I will try to give background......in the movie, Nanny McPhee comes to a house with 7 horribly behaved children. She is hideous looking, with hairy warts and weird teeth, etc. She has certain lessons that she sets out to teach the children, and each time they learn one of them, one of the ugly things about her disappears.)

We were watching this with the boys and my mom yesterday. Nathan (4) had seen the movie before and was telling my mom that "everytime the kids obey, one of Nanny McPhee's nipples goes away". He was talking about the warts, but I guess I can see why he called them nipples. He calls moles (the kind on your skin) nipples, too.

Sally

[DCJenn]

While we were at my grandmothers last month, Nikolai jumped into the driver's seat and looked at my mom and said, "me drive, momma" (my mom is momma and I'm mommy, except for when he announces that he has "two momma, one daddy and Ing." (and Ing is my Dad. my dad's name ends in -ing so we guess that's where he got Ing from. and it's not going away which makes my husband nuts!)

I told him unfortunately he couldn't drive until he 1) could reach the peddles and 2) he could read.

Jenn

[HeartRN]

Here's one to add.....

My 2 1/2 year old daughter has created an "outty" belly button from touching her belly button for comfort since she was small (she gets nervous, she looks for her belly button, she's tired, she touches her belly button, she is falling asleep, she holds her belly button ).

This weekend, she asked to see my belly button again when she was looking at hers. I showed her mine (a total "inny"), and she exclaims very seriously, "Ohh, mommy, your belly button is BROKEN!"

These are hilarious, ladies. I'm enjoying reading them them instead of working.

I think my favorite so far has been the poop stuff. I don't like blueberries, and so I don't eat them. If I had children who DID eat blueberries and they pooped blue, I'd be freaking out! Now I know, when I have children, not to!

Devon (my eight year old) loveeeeeeed blues clues. Well when he was about 3 he did. And one day he started chanting "spricken da handy" he wanted one, needed one, couldn't live without one. We couldn't figure out what in the world a "spricken da handy" was. So while watching the birthday episode of blues clues, about 2 weeks into the insanity, he starts jumping up and down and saying see see a "spricken da handy". He had appearently renamed party blowers to "Speak in the hand thing" and when a three year old mouth trys to say all that really fast it ends up "spriken da handy". Sheeeeeeeeeeeesh How could I possible miss that one

Tara, that is hilarious!

Anyway, someone asked her who her favorite princess was and without missing a beat she responds, "me" and walked off. Apparently she is well aware of her position in the family.

:= Tell her she's my favorite, too.

The other day Quinn told me "Mom - I'm going to marry you when I grow up."

My friend said "Won't your Daddy be sad?" & Quinn said "No." ... and I think I detected a note of "tough patooties if he is!" in his voice.

[Meenah]

These are cute!!!!!! Just to let you know what to look forward to:

Caroline sent me a text message at 2:00 am (she is in school in Colorado and I am in NJ). I heard the phone beep and woke up to find the following text on my phone:

" Hey Mom, can U put Like $20 in my account"
2:00 Am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have to love them

This morning the boys asked if we could go fishing on a big boat. DH said "Sure - some day." Of course that lead to "Today? Tomorrow?"

I answered that the next time we go visit Grandpa Bill we could go fishing (my dad has a boat and loves to fish), but if we caught a fish, they'd have to eat it. Both boys were repulsed and said no way. But then Jacob said "Maybe we could make it a picture fish!"

He was referring to the lovely "mounted" fish that adorn some walls ....

It is painful for me to text message so I can't imagine including "like" in a message. That is so funny, Luanne. A glimpse of what is to come!