Toddler Sleep: I'm done

[GrayMatterWife]

Children are involved in all aspects of life, but they are never the *center* of the community or its activities. Liedloff describes babies toddling around the village with minimal supervision, young children expected to mimic and then usefully participate in the adult activities around them...lots of trust and lots of letting go. But that trust is based on children being completely confident that their parents will be there to support them when it's needed, and parents having the deep connection with their children to know just what they're capable of.

This is a parenting theory? Who knew. That's pretty much what we just do.

My theory is: "You may be the center of MY world, but that does not make you the center of THE world. I will raise you to be independent, self-confident people who understand that the world is not about what you want right now, all the time."

Now, if I could only raise my husband that way...

[Vishenka69]

I'm currently sitting in DD3's room while she's "reading" to herself. I don't mind spending about half hour in an armchair at the foot of her bed. It's often our only chance for some alone time. Some days I even pretend that she's taking longer to fall asleep while I read the kindle app.

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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We are 4 minutes in. This is really hard. Staying with it.

[Michele]

I'm reading this from the bed of my 4.5yo in the same room as my 7yo. My mom is in the room with the 3yo.

The 4.5yo was my independent baby sleeper. The only one who ever slept away from me while nursing. Now he needs extra reassurance at bedtime.

Whatever works for the good of the family!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I really really wish I could do it. It's the way I want to parent. But I just can't
...see the rant thread.

[Pollyanna]

I really really wish I could do it. It's the way I want to parent. But I just can't
...see the rant thread.

[MrsK]

She'll be okay. If you get desperate, you can try the sticker method that worked for K2.

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[ladymoreta]

I'm so sorry it's so hard. If she doesn't seem to be getting it, you might try the retuck method from that sleep plan I sent you of Alex's. It seems like a good starting place for getting her used to you leaving the room without going full CIO immediately.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We ended up at over an hour. She absolutely freaked out with the door closed. I ended up in the hallway with the door open so she could see me. She just wasn't calming down so 40 minutes in I tried that. I hate the crying. And the look of shock when I left. I know I have to do this because I have to function and I know it won't hurt her but it hurts my heart.

I'm hopeful we can eventually get the door closed and me out of sight. If I have to sit in her sight, this was a futile exercise.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I'm so sorry it's so hard. If she doesn't seem to be getting it, you might try the retuck method from that sleep plan I sent you of Alex's. It seems like a good starting place for getting her used to you leaving the room without going full CIO immediately.

I tried. She flipped out when I left even if I went back in almost immediately.

[Deebs]

What happens when you're traveling? I know this is so, so hard, but you're not going to damage her by helping her learn to self soothe. I hope you get sleep tonight.

[PrincessFiona]

I hope it will get easier for you!

FWIW (get ready to judge), Zoe still sleeps with us. We were/are big family bed fans. All of our kids slept with us for years and ... they all now sleep well in their own beds.

I can't seem to cut the cord yet with Zoe. She has her own room and she did very well at camp for a week. I plan on starting to encourage the shift to her room this year.

To me, a family bed just feels very natural.

Kris

[ladymoreta]

I think it sounds like you and she did great! 40 minutes is awful when it's you and your child, but it's really good for the first night! And that you were outside the door when she went to sleep is a huge step. She had the comfort of knowing you were making sure she was safe, but she knows that you are not going to be waiting in the room anymore. Progress!

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Huge hugs!

[Pollyanna]

I hope it will get easier for you!

FWIW (get ready to judge), Zoe still sleeps with us. We were/are big family bed fans. All of our kids slept with us for years and ... they all now sleep well in their own beds.

Kris

And this is key, no mater where she sleeps or how she sleeps she will be fine. Hang in there mama.