Toddler Struggles

[Pollyanna]

These are all helpful perspectives!

Today she said "no" every time I asked if we should go home from the sitters. I guess I shouldn't even open that up for discussion and just ignore her "no" when I tell her to say goodbye? I think she just likes to say "no" right now to everything.

Wife to PGY4

She really doesn't get a vote so don't give her one. A quick cheery goodbye to the sitter and you're off. When you ask her if she wants to go home she feels like she has a choice and that in itself can becoming overwhelming for a toddler.

You will quickly find that once you're able to think ahead of her there will be very few battles. You're doing awesome!!

[Thirteen]

I basically parent by taking a stab at the individual problem, minute-to-minute, so ignore me if I am unhelpful. DS is almost 2 1/2.

There are days that I can tell, upon waking, that offering him choices will be met with chaos and crying. I think he truly gets overwhelmed, even though he wants control, so I don't ask questions. Days like this involve "call and response" parenting, with hopefully a little bit of manners. Wanting to be held more seems to go hand in hand with these days as well - I (used to) load him in the Ergo on my back, so my hands are free.
Many mornings were successfully survived due to the Ergo.
**I am going to order a special toddler carrier so I can continue to have this option if I choose to.

Call and Response
e.g. DS "Waterp! Waterp! Gimmie!"
13: "Yes! Water! Please?" *signs*
DS: "Please waterp!" *signing*
13: "Okay, here is water. Thank you!"

Other days, he is all about choices - he wants to choose the toy, how to play, where to sit, etc.
I go along with it, even if it changes quickly, as long as he is nice. Spitting, hitting, screaming, and bad manners ("Gimmie! Mine!") are met with a look and a quick talk at eye level. ("---- is ugly, be gentle please.")

If bad behavior continues, I go into a explanation/consequence pretty quickly. It's usually time out (minutes per year of age), followed by apologies and hug/kiss.
(I sent GRU an email with our time out protocol, and I can PM you if you'd like).
I also use "toy time out", removing him from the situation, leaving (rarely now), and choosing my option instead of his. I am trying a new thing where I leave the room if he keeps screaming.
("When you are gentle, I will listen.")

If we are out somewhere/in an unsafe place (parking lot), then I exact the consequence and explain myself while doing it. ("You chose not to hold my hand, I will carry you now.")

Regarding the tantrum about walking:
I didn't try allowing him to walk without being carried/contained on errands until he was about 2. He went through a huge phase where he blindly ran from me, and I stopped offering him the choice to do that. In hindsight, this also helped with containing potential fits. If he was melting down, it was either in a stroller, on my back (rare!) or in the shopping cart.
He is better about holding my hand, walking with me, etc., but I still prefer to carry him to a shopping cart instead.


Regarding the morning tantrums:
I get hangry. It's so ugly, but true. Maybe your daughter is like me? If DD is doing this every morning, I would try dressing upon waking, and putting her in a place of containment immediately after with food. Bananas, Cheerios, whatever works.
I say dressing first because it is pretty hard to hurriedly dress a toddler mid-tantrum. At least you won't have to do that.




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[spotty_dog]

Today she said "no" every time I asked if we should go home from the sitters. I guess I shouldn't even open that up for discussion and just ignore her "no" when I tell her to say goodbye? I think she just likes to say "no" right now to everything. Any suggestions for that?

Yep, don't ask a question if you don't want to hear the answer or if there is just one right answer. And don't give a command unless you are willing and capable of forcing follow-through. I might say something like "It's time to say bye! Bye Miss Babysitter!" and model a little hand wave that she may or may not copy...then book it.

I struggle with which technique (discipline, reasoning or distraction) to use each time. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to what works each time or why sometimes she listens or other times she digs her heels in.

The thing is, it's *all* discipline. Discipline means teaching. When you distract/redirect you are encouraging her to practice good habits more than bad ones, and also modeling the way that reasonable human beings deal with people they love who are being irrational. It's a win-win as long as you're coming at a situation from a place of love.

[samssugarmomma]

Ditto to spotty dog.

We never ask a yes/no question if there is only one acceptable answer.

[samssugarmomma]

I always find the dinner hour to be difficult - especially when I only had 1 and there was no be else there to distract them. Is she interested in helping you cook? I give mine her own pot and a spoon and she cooks while I cook. Would that work?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I always find the dinner hour to be difficult - especially when I only had 1 and there was no be else there to distract them. Is she interested in helping you cook? I give mine her own pot and a spoon and she cooks while I cook. Would that work?

I've basically given up on this. She is totally uninterested in anything but me actively playing with her in the evenings - I can't blame her. Who wants a mommy that shows up, plays for 5 minutes, and then cooks dinner for 30 minutes? She's OVER it and she's let me know. I've been cooking in batches a few evenings a week/weekends - I seriously try not to start a week without a dinner plan for Monday/Tuesday even if it's "order pizza" one of those nights. Lots of quinoa/lentil salads that stretch a couple of days and we're almost into casserole season. Honestly, as much as it sucks to cook a few nights a week starting at 8 or 9 PM, it sucked MORE to feel frustrated and annoyed with her every night at 6 PM.

[MarissaNicole]

Yes dinner time sucks. We get home and she wants attention. And I don't blame her. I usually end up holding her on and off or giving her something to eat like fruit or microwaved veggies while I'm still cooking.

Wife to PGY4

[samssugarmomma]

I used to work full time with a toddler so I feel your pain! Sounds like cooking in batches is the way to go for now. I remember telling myself over and over "the days are long, but the years are short!" a LOT back then!

[SoonerTexan]

Totally yes on the cooking in batches. You have enough on your plate. Pun intended.

How are the first few days going without daddy?

[MarissaNicole]

Perhaps this should go in the confession thread but we had oatmeal for dinner tonight because its quick. Especially cuz we didn't get home until 6:30.

Wife to PGY4

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Totally yes on the cooking in batches. You have enough on your plate. Pun intended.

How are the first few days going without daddy?

They'd be fine except that I'm literally putting in 16+ hour days at work....around caring for her 2 hours in the AM and 2 in the PM when the nanny isn't here. Not leaving much time for sleeping and it's going to catch up with me. I feel sick-tired but that's fine, I'll get through it...although I could really go for some coffee.

MN - Breakfast for dinner happens all.the.time at our house, especially when Daddy isn't home. DD thinks she's died and gone to heaven with a scrambled egg and a bagel with cream cheese. No shame there.

[MarissaNicole]

So DD has been in a great mood the last 4 days! My only issue was that three nights in a row she was waking up screaming and wouldn't go back to sleep unless I held her until she fell asleep. I thought maybe nightmares because she would moan a little when she first fell asleep.

The last night I went to bed EARLY because I didn't feel well, and DH put her down.... what do you know but she slept through the night? How do I know if she is having nightmares or just being high maintenance? She goes down great, we rock, and then she goes down wide awake.

And then just now I get a call from her physical therapist - she's hysterically screaming. She doesn't always scream with him, but they have only had about one productive session in the past two months because she cries and demands to be held. Its like she KNOWS he is there to push her. He said he has never had to do it before, but he may have to recommend a different therapist because they aren't getting anywhere in their sessions. I honestly don't think she will be better with someone else.... I think its her personality. I know its ridiculous, but this bothers me. I feel like she is winning! Again, defeated by a 16 month old.

[MrsK]

K2 seems to have recovered after 3 weeks of insanity. Now his teacher says he's chattering nonstop at school and making mischief with the best of them. I was delighted with that report since it means he's finally gotten comfortable in her class m

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[HouseofWool]

Why is Minnie in PT?

[MarissaNicole]

Why is Minnie in PT?

Because she is behind on walking. Just started about 2 weeks ago. And until yesterday was still mostly crawling. The girl is stubborn. They consider it behavioral. And I am partiality to blame because I would hold and carry her a lot... because she would cry until I picked her up.

Wife to PGY4