Ready for Kindergarten?

[OrionGrad]

DS1's birthday is August 27th and the cutoff for Kindergarten here is September 1st, so we've always been planning for him to redshirt kindergarten and start when he's just about to turn 6. I brought up our plans during a conversation with his Pre-K teachers today, and they were both adamant that he should start K on time because he's academically ready and they're sure he'll be terribly bored if he stays behind. It must be hard for me to see things clearly as his mom, because to me (and his dad) he seems way too young for Kindergarten. He's one of the smallest kids in his class, and he's also a typical boy who can be overly rambunctious, etc. But on the flip side, he's already reading on his own, and his teachers pointed out that he's apparently very confident about speaking in front of the class. So now I'm feeling really conflicted about whether we should hold him back or let him start on time. We have to make up our mind by next week to meet the enrollment deadline for out of district students. (Whether he'll even get into the school is a whole other issue, but I'm trying to keep that separate for now.) I'm leaning towards letting him go straight into K, but DH still feels strongly that he should stay back a year. WWYD?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Studies appear to show that kids who start "young" catch up by 2-3rd grade academically if they were even ever behind. I'd lean towards starting him. We've experienced the opposite this year -- C is the oldest in her class and BORED and causing trouble (and she's not a troublemaker). I know so many people who are obsessed with their boys not being the youngest but someone has to be the youngest. Also, worst case scenario, you could have him repeat Kindy (I know 5-6 kids who have done this and despite mom/dad's concerns, the kids don't even seem to notice). Plus it'll give you another shot on goal of the Kindy you want. If you don't enroll him, you definitely lose out on this year. There's a highly sought after magnet Montessori here that enrolls kids at 4 and I know several moms who are kicking themselves for red shirting and not giving themselves two tries.

That being said, my brother was a 9/2 birthday and the absolute youngest. It was hard for him with sports. But that's not everything and I wouldn't hold an academically ready child based on sports.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Also, one more thing. My SIL red shirted our nephew. Exact same situation. He started Kindy at 6 and he's bored and he's being labeled a troublemaker at school. He's HUGE but emotionally immature (even at 6) so when he gets into it with other kids, he usually ends up blamed for whatever happens. He'd be more likely to get the benefit of the doubt if he were a tall 5 year old and not a 6 year old in a class with some 4 year olds.

[mommax3]

This depends on so many things. Are all of his friends going to be starting kindergarten? There is a lot more to readiness than academics, and boys lag behind girls in many of those intangible behaviors that make the transition to school easy. I have sons with mid-April and late May birthdays, and the cut-off in my state (at the time) was July 1. I didn't hold either of them back. The oldest was (and is) very bright, social, and active, and I honestly don't know what I would have done with him if he had stayed home another year. However, even though academics were never a concern, he always struggled with organization, responsibility, and attention issues. I am not trying to say that holding him out a year would have alleviated all of that, but at the very least, it would have given him a year to learn to self-regulate a little better. He will be graduating from college in May, and is planning on going to med school, so all is well, but having another year at home with me before kinder (and graduating a year later) would have been good for him. My second son had more trouble in school, and his confidence really took a hit in the early elementary years due to that and to a cross county move after 1st grade. I have kicked myself regularly for not having him repeat 1st in our new location. He was not nearly as social as his older brother, and struggled with organization, too, but the confidence issue was the biggest thing for him. He is a freshman in college this year, and is doing okay right now, but he has struggled with anxiety and depression over the past couple of years. Again, not saying he would have avoided that entirely by starting school a year later, but it would have given him some time to mature. My youngest son has a September birthday, so he is one of the oldest in his class, and his experiences in school have been completely different (and much easier) than those of his brothers. All of my boys are tall/big, and all have played sports, so that hasn't ever been my concern. Girls do a lot better being the youngest in a class because they are ahead of boys in maturity, and boys don't really catch up until high school. I would recommend holding him back if you possibly can.


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[alotofyarn]

My hubby is a late August birthday and was one of the youngest in his class. He said it never bothered him.

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[MrsK]

What is the convention in your school district? Are a lot of people starting their kindergarteners late?

We held K2 back from preK even though he was academically ready. He was one of the youngest in his class and not yet toileting. K1 is 18 months older and K2 would have been a year behind him in school. He likely would have been in class with boys his brother's age if I didn't hold him back because everyone holds their boys back here. K2 is a middle child and struggles with anxiety. He feels competitive with his brother and like he can't win.

Also, I read a study on 14yo boys with late summer birthdays. Those who were not held back were less confident in high school. They felt like the older boys had an advantage, especially with girls and sports. While girls and sports are not my priorities, they are important to teen boys. The older boys were more confident, physically more mature, able to drive, etc which made them more successful socially.

There were a lot of factors we considered. Now he's in pre-k and he's 5.5yo. As of now, 3 of the 4 who were the youngest in his initial preschool class are now in his pre-k class, either having repeated a year of preschool like him or pre-k. There are a couple other "older" kids in his preK also. He's not the oldest but he is way bigger and more mature than the youngest. He is aware of this but I'm pretty sure it will even out by the time he's in 1st grade. He's not reading like your kid. He is smart but not exceptional. He's not bored or a behavior problem. The teacher says he's a good role model, class leader, and volunteers frequently in class. Overall, he is not confident and spends a lot of time in his brother's shadow outside of school. It's good for him to be a leader somewhere.




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[SuzySunshine]

I'm actually glad my kids are both Nov/Dec so we never had to make this choice. I have 3 friends with boys that should be in R's class this year, they all held. Two did an extra year of preschool or pre-K one did a year of K in the public school and then switched to private. They're all doing fine and I think one could have gone with R and still would have been fine, he's the youngest in his family, he's tall, and he actually still plays soccer and football with R's class because of his size and speed. The other two are both smart but they both needed the maturity and their moms are super happy they held them. It's a hard call.


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[MrsK]

One thing that we ran into however...in K2's religious school class, he's the oldest by about 13 months. (The school also marked his birth date as 18 months younger by mistake so this was a contributing factor in his class assignment.) It just worked out that the kids nearest his age in the religious school class are the youngest in his day school class. And the class is a combined preK and preschool class so the youngest are more than 2 years younger than him. There is a big difference between a newly minted 3yo and a 5.5yo (I have one of each). He is bored to tears in religious school though he is not disruptive. I've been battling all year with the school to move him up to the kindergarten/1st grade class. They won't move him despite the clerical error because he *is* in preK at day school and k1 is in the older class. If his weekday class looked like his religious school class, I would not have held him back.

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[OrionGrad]

Repeating Pre-K as a 5yo isn't very common here, but that's mainly because California has something called Transitional Kindergarten (TK). Kids who are born between September 1 and December 31 go to TK before they go on to K (this is new, within the past few years). So if DS1 was 4 days younger, he'd automatically be going into TK next year, which is part of the elementary school. The problem for us is that TK is ONLY an option if your birthday falls between those two dates or if the PreK teacher recommends it. Two of DS1's friends will be going to TK instead of K, even though they're older, because their teacher doesn't think they're ready (maturity-wise) for K. When I spoke to the teachers today I was hoping they'd say the same thing about DS1, but they were so confident that he's ready for K that it kind of caught me off guard.

I actually think he'll do fine in K, but I'm worried about some of the longer-term social ramifications that you all mentioned. Of course, there's no way for me to predict at this age whether he'll have issues with organization or anxiety or sports as a teenager. But I could definitely see him being bored if he repeats the same Pre-K class next year, and his teachers today said the curriculum in TK is nearly identical to what they're doing in PK. (I should clarify, all these classes are on the same campus, but technically the Pre-K is "preschool" because you pay for it and there are no district requirements, whereas TK is "elementary" school which means it's free and you need to get a district transfer. Basically, kids who qualify for TK get an extra year of preschool before going to kindergarten without having to pay for it.) Since his Pre-K teachers work closely with the TK and K teachers, I do give a lot of credence to what they're saying and I believe they do have a good understanding of what skills are necessary to do well in K at their school.

Also, worst case scenario, you could have him repeat Kindy (I know 5-6 kids who have done this and despite mom/dad's concerns, the kids don't even seem to notice). Plus it'll give you another shot on goal of the Kindy you want. If you don't enroll him, you definitely lose out on this year.

This is something I've been thinking about too, and it may be what ultimately helps me make my decision. Enrolling him this year gives him an extra shot at getting in, and if he doesn't get in off the waitlist then we'd just do Pre-K, which is right where we started anyway. Another benefit is that siblings get in automatically, so once DS1 gets into the school his brother and future sister will get in without having to go through all this waitlist drama.

[civilspouse]

We had this same debate for DS who is also an August birthday. I agonized over what would be right although I know logically they will be fine either way. Most advice I got was in general that it is always best to hold a boy back. However the actual research I read or the non parent stuff said that it is best to send them and that red shirting can have negative effects. It talked a lot about being pushed by your peers. It also talked about the fact that if stuff is super easy at first and the kid doesn't have to work hard when they hit 2nd or 3rd when things even out those kids really struggle with it. We ended up sending DS and I'm really glad we did. Even so he was still a bit bored by the academics in kinder and I imagine if your DS is already reading he will be too. DS was just starting to read really simple stuff right before kinder. I felt like we would always have the option to repeat kinder if necessary. It also played into my mind though that DS is not a natural leader and I don't see him being a sports star so I wasn't worried about those things. He has been more interested in sports than I expected and he has done fine and been on the same level of his peers. Baseball here does the younger teams by age but soccer was by grade level although for both you could request to play at a different level. DS has quite a few summer birthday friends, some were held back and some weren't and I haven't seen many differences between them. They are all bright kids from educated family who already had an advantage. Socially they are all about the same too and I imagine that has something to do with the fact that they imitate each other's behaviors because they are around each other all the time. I think it's pretty kid dependent though so just trust your gut. And although we sent DS early and it's working out for us we are only in the 1st grade so our experience is pretty limited. The main deciding factors for me though were that it was more important to me for DS to be challenged and to learn to work hard than to be the biggest, best, head of his class, etc. I think whatever struggles DS has while going through school he would probably have the same ones whether we held him or not. He is shy and a bit anxious but that's just who he is. Waiting another year to send him to school would not change that. Oh and DH is also an August b-day and ended up repeating kinder so at first he was pushing waiting but once we talked about it he was all for sending him.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Oh and as far as sports are concerned it's a double edged sword. My parents could have held back my brother in school but you can't red shirt rec league sports. So it's only at the school sports level that it's an issue. Because for obvious reasons they don't let you red shirt rec sports (or kids would be very different sizes, coordination levels, etc)


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[SuzySunshine]

Sports may not matter if things go the way as soccer. It's now done by birth year, not school year at least the competitive leagues are.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Right that's my point. In the past, I saw red shirting to gain a sports advantage (the child would be the oldest/biggest) but now it's being done more by birthday with a strict cutoff.


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[MrsK]

Right that's my point. In the past, I saw red shirting to gain a sports advantage (the child would be the oldest/biggest) but now it's being done more by birthday with a strict cutoff.


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FWIW, I think this is what should be done with religious school. They are bar mitzvahed at 13 regardless of what grade they are in for day school. To the extent that the religious school curriculum is designed to prepare for that milestone, the kids should be sorted by their birth year.

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[Ladybug]

DS is an August baby too. We tried K and then pulled him back and switched school halfway through the year. No issues with the transition, he barely noticed. I'm in the try and see how it goes camp. When the are so young changing directions is no big deal.