Hello & questions

[Pollyanna]

Hang in there, post here often, listen to Heidi, we are here for you.

[houseelf]

Again, welcome to the site. I am sorry that it is under such terrible circumstances. Please know that you are NOT the only individual who has been tatooed and scr***ed by a malicious jerk in medicine. It is rare, but unfortunately it does happen. You are not alone and your story is NOT the only one like this we have heard. Please don't feel alone. We are here for you.

[MissCrabette]

Reading this feels like deja vu. I'm so sorry you found yourself in this horrible situation. Definitely listen to Vanquisher. I hope you're still able to get out of there before it's too late. Securing a lawyer was a smart idea and I hope you can get a few people to stand behind your husband, though I wouldn't be surprised if they choose to protect themselves first.

[Thirteen]

My heart hurts for you - Vanquisher definitely has helpful insights on all these things. My hope for the two of you is that you find a situation that is better for your emotional and mental health. I will be praying for better opportunities, and peace for you both.
As for the old res chief - what she did is unacceptable, and karma is a bitch...

[ladymoreta]

I'm so sorry. I agree with what everyone has said. We are here for you. I hate that you and your husband are going through this. It is awful, awful, awful what some nasty people will do out of hatefulness. I hope she gets what's coming to her sooner rather than later.

Just wanted to thank all of you for your support. An attending who really gets along with my DH and is just a good sweet man spoke with the director they have decided to give him another chance. He wants nothing more than to be a urologist and so we're kind of stuck right now as it will be incredibly hard to transfer esp. knowing they will speak to his current director now. So we've decided to stay and my DH is going to give it his best and if they do decide to dismiss him we'll just have to sue and deal with it then. We are speaking with a lawyer and will begin really documenting everything. Knowing that I have a great support in all of you will definitely help me along the way. You guys are awesome. Thanks again!

[Meenah]

I wish you the best. Definitely talk with your lawyer and have plan B in place.

[HouseofWool]

I wish you the best too. I would have plan b ready to roll. right now. I would get character references from all of the attendings - the sealed letter with writing across the seal bs, just like college transcripts. I would start looking for other places. My gut feeling is that if it happens once, it will definately happen again.

[ides]

Yeah. It's really great that he's been given a second chance! However, unless something changes with the people who are after him or with him in a drastic way it's going to happen again sooner or later. I wish you guys the best!

[medpedspouse]

Residency is hard. It is even harder when someone has it in for you and is waiting for you to falter. While your DH is dotting all those i(s)and crossing all those t(s), be on the look out for for plan B. While he is there, here are some things to consider...find out what the dept chair's pet project/research is and read up on it and pretend interest (if it is of no interest). Likewise, find out what the GME director's interests are too. Your DH needs to make some allies/advocates (preferably people that have a higher or equal rank than the PD). I also know that there is NEVER extra time, but if your DH can, he needs to do more than the others....not necessarily work longer hours because that will not count much on paper but perhaps do some research, submit an abstract to a conference/journal (even a poster presentation is something), take the time to teach (at my school residents get teaching awards from the med students), befriend the nursing staff, befriend the program coordinator, oh - and ask for (in writing so you have documentation) for more frequent performance evals "since, the PD is concerned with my performance - enough to want to dismiss me, I just want to make sure that I am on the right track" (try not to roll eyes when such is said ). Basically, your DH needs to look far better on paper than his peers - let his records show that he did work his but off and followed all requests from the PD and program requirements. This way it will be very hard for the PD to make his dismissal argument and will give your lawyer some documentation if this happens again.

Like I said, training is hard enough, add this crap and the suck factor is amplified. I am so, so sorry you and your DH are going through this. Please know that I will be thinking of you both. ((HUGS))

[HouseofWool]

Residency is hard. It is even harder when someone has it in for you and is waiting for you to falter. While your DH is dotting all those i(s)and crossing all those t(s), be on the look out for for plan B. While he is there, here are some things to consider...find out what the dept chair's pet project/research is and read up on it and pretend interest (if it is of no interest). Likewise, find out what the GME director's interests are too. Your DH needs to make some allies/advocates (preferably people that have a higher or equal rank than the PD). I also know that there is NEVER extra time, but if your DH can, he needs to do more than the others....not necessarily work longer hours because that will not count much on paper but perhaps do some research, submit an abstract to a conference/journal (even a poster presentation is something), take the time to teach (at my school residents get teaching awards from the med students), befriend the nursing staff, befriend the program coordinator, oh - and ask for (in writing so you have documentation) for more frequent performance evals "since, the PD is concerned with my performance - enough to want to dismiss me, I just want to make sure that I am on the right track" (try not to roll eyes when such is said ). Basically, your DH needs to look far better on paper than his peers - let his records show that he did work his but off and followed all requests from the PD and program requirements. This way it will be very hard for the PD to make his dismissal argument and will give your lawyer some documentation if this happens again.

Like I said, training is hard enough, add this crap and the suck factor is amplified. I am so, so sorry you and your DH are going through this. Please know that I will be thinking of you both. ((HUGS))

This is sound advice.

Just wanted to thank all of you for your support. An attending who really gets along with my DH and is just a good sweet man spoke with the director they have decided to give him another chance. He wants nothing more than to be a urologist and so we're kind of stuck right now as it will be incredibly hard to transfer esp. knowing they will speak to his current director now. So we've decided to stay and my DH is going to give it his best and if they do decide to dismiss him we'll just have to sue and deal with it then. We are speaking with a lawyer and will begin really documenting everything. Knowing that I have a great support in all of you will definitely help me along the way. You guys are awesome. Thanks again!

You also need to know that residents have next to no legal standing in the world of employment law. The threat of, or real action of, suing them will not guarantee anything but a massive pile of debt on the other end. We have a member who battled over a YEAR, racked up sickening amounts of debt, and while they were finally able to finish, they did so after having lost "the" plum job, and went back out into a severely tightened job market. All this while being a whole lot closer to finishing than you guys are. Residents are not true employees, they're students, and they are not afforded the same protections (as in, "If they treat me this way, they have to hold others to the same standard"). He may really, really, really want to be a urologist, but it simply may not be in the cards for him. It's not as though it's urologist or plumber here, he can still be a doctor, a surgeon even -- but if he stays in the program, you will both be living with one foot in the grave and the other foot on the proverbial banana peel until you're done. Protect yourself. You're looking at 4 more years of living under that level of scrutiny? I'd be asking my husband to take a good, long look at other options. Switching specialities isn't unheard of, but ones the "suspended" bell is rung, it can't be undone. "Sue and deal with it then" really isn't an option.

Good luck to you.

Hey all,

Just wanted to say I totally hear what everyone is saying about transferring and we have thought at length about this. But how can he transfer when other programs will want to speak with his PD? Also the attending who did stick his neck out for my DH would be outraged to find out that he might transfer, so he would be no help either. And my husband can't interview or anything like that as he never and I mean never has a day off, they wouldn't even let him take a day off when his grandma died or when I was in the hospital with a kidney stone (ironic I know). The thing is that after all the years he put into this, he wants to accomplish what he set out to. He has always had a shaky relationship with medicine simply because he did it for his parents. Urology was something he found himself and pursued. Though he did nothing horrible to warrant what happened he said he can try even harder. And if this doesn't work then he wants to leave medicine all together. That sounds unthinkable, but after what medicine has done to him I can understand. What I've learned is that there's no win win. If he stays he can get dismissed, but any outside program will want to speak with his PD and that certainly won't be good either. So that's why we feel staying now is our only option. I'm not happy about this option, but again I don't see how he can transfer with no support from his current program.

1. I totally get the "did medicine for his parents". Mine did too.
2. A lot of programs will actually help people they'd prefer not keep find other programs / residencies to go to. It doesn't look a whole lot better for them to dismiss people than it does for you. It may be worth him opening a discussion about it w/the attending who did help him. A "what are your thoughts on transferring" kind of thing.
3. Not practicing isn't all that crazy. Mine doesn't. He does have to be a doctor to have the job he does, but he no longer practices medicine. He finished training, got a job, and about 18 months into it found a job that he truly loves.

[Meenah]

How does he feel about Nephrology? No surgery, and a potential transfer if necessary.