Working Parents, does it get bettefr?

[gem]

For parents who work outside the home, does it get any easier either (a) when your spouse finishes training or (b) when your kids are in grade school? We're a few years away from both, and I just don't know if there's any point in holding out hope that anything going to change.

My problem is that between parenting and work, I have no time for anything else. It's kids in the morning until day care drop off, work until mid-afternoon, pick up kids and play until their bedtime, and then work until midnight. Nurse a couple times and repeat. Often without ever seeing DH.

I haven't touched my hobbies since my second child was born; I don't read, watch TV, exercise, or do anything to relax; I'm terrible about "dating" my husband because there is never a night when we're both not working at the same time; I keep saying I want to get involved in some political causes about which I'm passionate-- but I don't feel like I have time to do anything that makes me who I am, and I'm not sure that's how I want to live.

I love my career, and wouldn't give up a second with my kids, but something has to give.

I'd love to believe that in a few more years, the little ones will be less needy, the doctor will be more available, and all of a sudden I'll have these blocks of time to write a book and sew and volunteer. But I'm not sure if that's a reasonable expectation. I feel like I keep hearing people warn not to think that older kids require any less attention. And of course I've been warned that attendinghood is not going to solve my problems. Even if DH is around a little more, and a little more predictably, he's not very hands-on with the kids. This has me thinking that maybe I should stop hoping it will get better and figure out now how to either accept that fact that personal time doesn't exist or give up on my career.

Please tell me your stories!

[alotofyarn]

My husband is still in training and my kid is still young, but I do have these days sometimes. I just picked some knitting back up in the last few months, since she's sleeping well, and I watch a bit more TV now while I do that. I definitely don't do as much as I used to though. So, no advice, just sympathy at this point?

[Michele]

I think it gets easier when the little ones aren't so little. Mine are 8, 6 and 4 and I can crochet while we hang out together. They can watch me play flag football. Of course, what made the biggest improvement in my quality of life, was working part time instead of full time. Now I have time to work out when they are at school.

[Ladybug]

Next year all my kids are in school full day. They are out as soon as I get home though and it's all homework, piano practice, sports, etc. I've decided the only way to have time for yourself if you are working is either to have 1-2 days off per week when the kids are at school or have a sitter (attending money) a few afternoon a week so I don't have to be home for the afternoon activities, prepare meals, pack lunches, etc. I've decided to go with option #1 next year. I need at least two days off a week or I will burn myself out. Ill have to go full time once my eldest hits high school for tuition benefits, but I still have three more years til then. I'm no rush to go full time. The money would be great, but it's just too much for me.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

The issue for me has been keeping the house clean. I am so far behind on chores that I can basically only keep up with laundry during the week. I've finally decided to try a twice monthly cleaning service. It's barely in the budget (will have to cut somewhere else) but if it gives me a few nights off from frantically trying to (quietly) clean the house while the kids sleep it'll be worth it.

[gem]

Yeah, I would love to work 3-4 days/week. I'm just not sure that will ever be feasible in my line of work. I'm consistently pushing the bounds, but I don't think I can go that far-- at least not while we depend on my income. I'm thinking about blocking out a 1-hour lunch every week to do something like a manicure or a jog.

[oceanchild]

I'm closer to where you are than to where you're looking to be, but definitely, 100%, use some actual lunch hours. I love going shopping or taking a class at the gym over lunch.

I've also tried to claim one evening a week for myself. For a while it was choir practice night, so I could keep being a part of that. Then it was grad school, which is more of a chore but needs to get done. Once grad school is done I'm reclaiming choir practice or something else that I'm doing just for me. Ideally, DH would have one night a week of his own too, but with his training work schedule, it really isn't feasible just yet.

And my ultimate post-training goal is to work part time. Depends on a lot of factors though, the largest at the moment being where we're living.

[memyselfandI]

I think if you can swing hiring help you should!

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