Debt Nightmares!

I am really sorry that you are feeling so stressed by this. We are just at the beginning of this journey but throughout our marriage have had both some luxurious times (mostly living in Switzerland with good salaries for a sabbatical year) and some real "salad days" (when newly wed and now) where there is some pretty strict accounting. I think each couple has to find their way through but before my husband made his final decision about returning to school (at a ripe age) we talked to a financial planner who has known us for a long time. She said as long as we were willing to live like students while he (and two of our kids) were in school. It would work out better for us in the end. We also had to sell our house to make it work out. We felt we both had to agree 100% and do "whatever it took" for this dream to come true. After long discussions we both agreed and then it has been pretty simple, not easy, but simple. Speak to someone objective about your situation so you really understand what choices you are making.
Taking on medical school debt at our age is daunting but her plan made me realize that it was possible without too much pain and with great reward in the future and I am sure it will be so for you also.

Sorry for such a long post but it can be a very stressful topic if not understood.

[Vanquisher]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

Oh, you must mean monopoly money. That's what I play with. If it was real, nobody would possibly let us get away with having this much debt without carting us off to jail. Do not pass GO.

Um, yeah, my debt would probably make you pass out and vomit, curl into a fetal position, and throw you into a catatonic state. Or, is that just me? Anyhoo, it's not just you. You aren't alone. Reign it in, and be good.

Just know, that there are probably a few of us on this board who have got you beat. Not something to be proud of , but I am pretty sure I could take down anyone in a debt contest.

[DCJenn]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

I think I'm still paying off that cute sweater I 'had to have' in college, if it makes you feel any better- and that was 20 years ago.

Yay!

Jenn

[HouseofWool]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

When I found out DH ordered $350 worth of tickets for Gathering of the Vibes, I almost vomited. It's on his mastercard. We will pay it off probably in 2016. It better be a great concert. :banghead:

I would have posted the tickets on ebay or craigslist - no way would he be allowed to fork over that kind of ching for something frivalous.

Our debt makes me ill. Now, we have gone from living frugally to living like damn misers in a woeful attempt to save enough for a house and to pay for baby #2.

Not to mention that DH got into one of the more expensive schools in the US with a COL well above the middle of the road. (Although it isn't NYC or SoCal by any stretch - our health care costs are some of the highest in the nation.)

Re: Debt Nightmares!

We just started fellowship, and we're getting a rude awakening! DH was able to moonlight like crazy his last year of residency, and we really lived it up (ok, that's a relative term... relative to the first year of residency, when we ate tuna from cans). The cost of living is higher here, and I think this month we've spent twice as much as our grocery/household budget allows.

DH isn't moonlighting at all right now, but he's looking for opportunities. He really does a good job with the money. I think where we get in trouble with the credit cards is that we don't budget realistically for luxuries like toilet paper (we buy the very cheapest ), so we end up overspending on groceries each month, which adds up fast. Then we make big purchases elsewhere because it's "in the budget." :huh: DH has increased our grocery/household budget for next month, and he wants to keep track of all our receipts now, so hopefully we're on our way to getting things under control. It is definitely hard to cut back when we had one enjoyable year, though - and especially when we worked so hard and we're done with residency!

Re: Debt Nightmares!

You're not alone by any means. We're still paying back consumer debts two years out. It's...very aggravating. If I could go back and change one thing this would be it for me, so reign in whatever you can because it's really not worth it although some consumer debt is unavoidable during training. How's that for a run on sentence?

Change as much as you can, and don't beat yourself up over the things you can't change.

Exactly what Annie said, but 3 years out.

[houseelf]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

Uh, yeah, fellowship (the interviewing, move, and actual surviving of fellowship) has been our financial achille's heal too. I went from fiscally conservative to "whatever". I have lost sleep over it, if I'm totally honest.

Kelly

[houseelf]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

So now he's in this ridiculously snobby and expensive pre-school/day care with, basically, Mary Poppins for his teacher (she's amazing) and a very small class size. But it's ridiculous tuition. I can't convince myself to leave though.

The only year that I was truly happy with childcare in the seven years I spent as a working mom, we paid through the nose: over $10,000 for two kids. The teachers were fantastic and worth more, but it tapped us to our core. I hear you on this one...it is hard to cut back when you finally find a good place to leave the kids.

In other words, I've sinned this sin too.

Kelly

[ides]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

Oy! You are not alone. Although we aren't in credit card hell yet, I fear once the baby comes it will all come tumbeling down. We have massave education debt for dh, our rent takes 1/2 of his gross salary, and once the baby comes I'll be staying home. I have considered continuing to work after the baby but with the cost of daycare here in the city I would net maybe $100 a month over daycare costs a month. Not worth it. With no financial backup plan I have some sleepless nights worrying about how were going to make it work but guess I just have to grin and bear it. Four more years until dh is done with training/fellowship - let the debt rack up. Sigh.

Re: Debt Nightmares!

good childcare is worth it's weight in gold - we spent almost all of our disposable/recyclable/credit line on a part-time nanny when our kids were small and we were both working ( I wanted to work in the afternoons). Both of us coming home from work around 5 with three happy children under age 6, a clean house and dinner made was more than worth it. I have no idea how she did it. So amazing for us and our kids are still in contact with her. I visited with her at my son's high school graduation in June and he made sure that he had his picture taken with her.

We even had her stay with the kids for a weekend when we went to the beach. Seemed like a self-indulgence when we planned it and a real gift during and after.

It helped keep the overall tone of their young childhood pretty calm and child-centered and was a good form of self-care for us. Well worth it and we considered it the price we paid for not living near our families.

Re: Debt Nightmares!

I have considered continuing to work after the baby but with the cost of daycare here in the city I would net maybe $100 a month over daycare costs a month.

With three kids under age two, I'd have to PAY to go to work.

Re: Debt Nightmares!

I have considered continuing to work after the baby but with the cost of daycare here in the city I would net maybe $100 a month over daycare costs a month.

With three kids under age two, I'd have to PAY to go to work.

Yep, I hear ya. I actually considered going back to work after my oldest was a year old, but I got pregnant again. When I figured out full time child care for two kids in diapers vs. what they were paying OTs in Denver at the time, I would have made less than $100 per pay period. I just about cried.

Right now, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that no harm befalls DH. We will NEED his income to get back on our feet.

[GrayMatterWife]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

When I found out DH ordered $350 worth of tickets for Gathering of the Vibes, I almost vomited. It's on his mastercard. We will pay it off probably in 2016. It better be a great concert. :banghead:

Oh, my goodness. Considering the other hot water he's in with you re: your other post, I am not sure I'd even be speaking to him if he were my DH. Grrr!!!

[HouseofWool]

Re: Debt Nightmares!

The only reason I am looking at going back to work after number 2 is that we need the health insurance. Once DH starts residency, I will be staying home. It just isn't worth the stress and very little net income for me to work. I don't want to be that grouchy, overworked mom. (I want to be the one eating bon-bons all day.)

Re: Debt Nightmares!

Deb 7456
I think for me I actually broke even going to work part-time with a nanny but the brain damage prevention was worth it for about a year.