Hyphenated last names

Hey you guys,

The gal and I were just talking and she brought up the idea that she might want to hyphenate her last name, as in put mine behind hers. She's not adamant about it, but I thought it was kinda weird and she said she wouldnt do it if I didnt feel comfortable with it. Nonetheless, do any of you have any thoughts on this topic?

thanks!

[DCJenn]

Hi-

I don't know if this will help or not...it's kind of a personal thing. I mean you (well the generic you, not YOU specifically) are giving up your NAME. (which is really her father's last name so there really shouldn't be any arguments on that end of things...)

But all of the female docs in my husband's year took their husband's name. Interestingly enough, there's about a 50-50 split in the 2nd years and then interns all took their husband's names, too. The only couple that the female spouse uses a different last name is the one that the female partner is a newscaster here in town. She only uses her last name professionally though.

I took my husband's last name- which is Hussey by the way, without a second thought. I had been married before and was still using my former married name because everything I had done professionally was with that name. So, what could I do- say well, your name is going to get me teased for the rest of my adult life so how about I go back to my maiden name? Nah. Then we contemplated briefly him taking my maiden name because he's adopted and his adopted father is a jerk. Well, his name is Rick and my maiden name was Martin- He didn't want to become "Ricky Martin".

So, my only advice is to ask her why she want's to hypenate and open up the discussion. She might want to keep a part of her culture, maybe she wants to acknowledge her family- who knows. But keep us posted, OK?

Jenn

[Meenah]

Hi,
I hyphenated my name. I had been married before and had two daughters. My husband wanted me to change my name to either his name or back to my maiden name!!!!! I thought that was ridiculous, since I had had the same last name for over 15 years, my whole professional life, and the same as my kids. I offered for him to take my maiden name if I went back to it (sarcasm here) he said "I can't do that, everyone knows me by my name"!!!!!!! It took him two seconds to realize that my name to me is as important as his is to him. we had a good laugh, and I hyphenated the name, it is Hill-Goldberg, and I use whicherver part is convenient!!!!!! If I had it to do over again, I would never have changed my name in the first place, and I would have given my daughters my last name and their Dad's last name together!!!!!
p.s. I also wanted to avoid a Jewish name on my passport with all of the craziness in the world, and my husband understood and agreed.

Luanne

My wife tells me that a lot of women take their husbands last name, but use their maiden name as their middle name. So if Mary Louise Smith was to marry John Michael Davis, she would change her name to Mary Smith Davis. My wife claims this is a very traditional thing to do, but I have never heard of it. Anyone else heard of this? Anyway, I thought this might be another option for your significant other. HTH!

interesting question

My BF & I have had numerous conversations about this very topic. He wants me to take his name when we marry; but I'm pretty adamant about keeping my maiden name as part of my "everyday" name-at least professionally. He's OK with the professional aspect of my decision. It's actually not uncommon for women in my industry or profession to retain their maiden names or to include it as part of their everyday name.

As for women relegating their maiden names to their middle names, this is common in some Latin cultures. All the women in my family have done this. Some of my friends' middle names are their mom's maiden names.

[DCJenn]

Using the maiden name as the middle name is what my family traditionally does- I'm Jennifer Martin Hussey now (as opposed to Jennifer Martin the Hussey which was during High School. (haha)

Jenn

PS- the Loreine of JLoreine was my middle name, so I'm still using it- just online!

[Auspicious]

My grandmother used her maiden name as her middle name and she was a traditional, midwestern, farmer's-daughter-then-farmer's-wife of German and English descent.

Among my adulthood friends and acquaintences in New York, most have kept their maiden name, many have hyphenated, and some have taken their husband's name. Among my family and childhood friends in Illinois, almost all have taken their husband's name.

To me, hyphenating isn't even unusual, let alone weird. It has only positive associations for me.

Good luck! I hope you let us know what she decides.

this was somewhat of an issue for me...mostly because i couldn't decide what to do. i always assumed i'd take my husband's name...much shorter than mine, easier to pronounce, etc. but in my field (journalism) your name is your stamp. so legally and at work i made my maiden name my middle name for my byline but still use my maiden name at work for e-mails and stuff. my paycheck has my married name, all my bills have my married name, and our kids (when we have them) will have my married name (which is my husband's last name). to complicate things more i really like my given middle name, so i added that as the second part of my first name. so now i have four names!!

sometimes i feel like i made things confusing for myself...having so many different variations of my name. sigh... eventually when we move out of this area and i start working from home i will just stick to jill with my husband's last name. i do that a lot now anyway!

good luck!

Jill, I'm a journalist too, and partially for the byline and reputation reason, I kept my maiden name and did not take my husband's last name.

Hyphenating last names is most emphatically not strange or unusual these days. I know many many people in all different careers who've done it.

Also, I'm from the South, and in the South, it's very common for women to make their maiden name their middle name if they take their husband's last name (which we're not all doing anymore! ).

Really, the possibilities are only limited by what you want to do. Nothing these days is really that unusual.

[Phoebe]

How about Brown-Pyle.

Jennifer

[Michele]

Ahh!! I am getting married in March and forever I thought I would change my name and take my husband's last name. Now I'm not so sure! My mom wants me to keep my name, which isn't even her name (she did take my dad's name but she didn't grow up with it). I wonder if she regrets taking her first husbands name and then my dad's? My mom wants me to be the first doctor on my dad and her side (not counting anything past 1st cousins)...but I would be the first doctor on his side too. And then she argues it will be confusing to have to Dr. Russlastname's and I think it would be cool to have things addressed to Drs. Russlastname. I figure since we'll be different kinds of doctor (vet med and human med) that it's ok. I don't have a middle name so if I do take his I will make my maiden name my middle name.

Also I know a lot of people don't really feel a vet is a "real doctor" even though that is so not true. I wonder if I keep my maiden name then people would think more of my "doctor" title? I don't know...I get coated in May and they put our names on the coats and I really want to have my final name on my first coat!

A lot of the girls in my class took their husband's names...but out of the ones who married vets or doctors, 2 took their husbands last name (both were married before vet school started and one (married the summer before school so she knew she was going to be a vet too) said she didn't really have a choice about it-he really wanted her to take his name) and one is keeping her name professionally.

I think it would be really hard to have a professional name and a private one...maybe I'm wrong. Also if you have a different last name than your children does that affect them? Russ and I joked about changing both our names to a combo of the two and our parents looked as us as if we were nuts! Both names are fairly rare so it's kinda neat.

I don't know this seems to be such a small detail to be such a big deal!

Michele

I'm all for the hyphenating of last names... why should you have to give up your name? You've had it your whole life and it's a part of who you are.

Getting married is a joining of two people... so why not join the last name as well? Everyone wins!! Give your kids the hyphenated name as well.

Carey

I kept my maiden name legally but socially I use his from time to time. When talking about it though I tell people I kept my maiden name ... and in this little town, that is a "wierd" ... but I like how DH explains it ... "she will always be her father's daughter."

Aisha