Dogs and kids as a guest in a home

[Thirteen]

Dogs and kids as a guest in a home

I felt like I couldn't ask our hosts to put their dogs up. That would have been my preference but I know people have a right to have their pets around in their home. My stepmother for instance is very much like "my dogs are my babies and you're kids need to figure it out."


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You are very kind, but you should always feel empowered to please ask a pet owner to put up their pets because you have small children.

In the same vein, your stepmom kinda sucks. 😂


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

In the same vein, your stepmom kinda sucks. 😂

Well that is a known fact.
In her mind, I think she thinks it's because she knows they're not dangerous so she thinks the kids need to just be reassured that the dogs aren't scary. But you're asking a 5, 3, and 14 month old to be rational. Even if I could tell the 3 and 5 year old not o be afraid (and I did!), there's not way I can reason with the 14 month old.


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[OrionGrad]

If I were in your shoes at the dinner, I'd pick up R and tell the host that he's very afraid of dogs. If she didn't put the dogs up after that, I'd probably just hold R like you did. I'd personally feel too uncomfortable asking someone that DH works with to put their dogs away, even though that is what they should have done. A lot of people see their dogs as their kids (especially people with Frenchies, in my experience) and I think they'd be annoyed if you directly asked them to take their "kids" away. If we were having dinner with friends it'd be a different story, but work colleagues are different. Just my opinion.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Yes, if it was friends, I would have asked. Especially since it's DH's fellowship directors home, I didn't think I should do that.

Instead I just held a 23 lb honey badger and kept apologizing that my children were irrationally terrified of their dogs.

But in the future, I think I would just leave the kids at home if at all possible.


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[niener]

Lambie doesn't like dogs. When we are visiting homes, I ask in advance if they have pets and I'll explain that K2 loves dogs but Lambie is afraid. I also worry that K1 is erratic and can excite dogs. Usually, at that point people volunteer to confine their dogs or suggest another venue. If it sounds like they won't be accommodating and the dogs will still be a problem, I find an excuse to leave the kids with a sitter.

I think this is a great way to approach it. Be up front about their fear and if it doesn't seem like the owners are going to be accommodating, don't take the kids. It sounds like the owners in this story think of their dogs as their kids -- there's really no way they could have been confused about whether or not your kids, and you by extension, were uncomfortable in this situation, so them not confining the dogs to another room is a pretty clear "it's your problem, not mine" message. I probably wouldn't take them back to their house knowing that until your kids are more comfortable with dogs.

I find a lot of owners confuse "good with kids" with "likes kids". My eldest dogs LOVES kids, but so much so that she can't control her excitement and she's all over them when they first meet so she's not good with them, at least not at first. She's a very intelligent and well trained dog, but it takes a good deal of time and some strategic introductions before she can get calm around new people.

scrub-jay and spotty_dog give great advice on how to help your kids work up more confidence around dogs. Calm/tree pose, always ask the owner first, offer the back of the hand, always pet gently. I'd try to get them some more experience with dogs as much as you can, even just going to PetSmart on a Saturday when they're having adoptions so the kids can observe.

Non-constructive side note: I'm really irritated on your behalf they didn't put their dogs in another room. I'm also the owner that always feels bad when dog-loving people come over and really want to play with my crew but I know it's typically too much stimulation for them especially with kids. My crew is always kenneled or in the back yard when people visit.

[gcuthbe1]

The best thing to do is to let anyone know that your children are not comfortable around dogs, and so for you to be able to come over they'll need to shut away their dogs. That way the expectation is set, and if they can't put their dog in a crate or another room, then you can just decline to go or get a sitter. Even as a dog lover I have a huge pet peeve (pun intended) for misbehaved dogs, particularly around children. I cannot believe how many people allow their dogs to jump up on anyone. It's completely unacceptable in my book. Unfortunately it is quite common.

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[gcuthbe1]

As a dog owner, I also think of my dog when it comes to other children visiting. Children who have had limited dog exposure are dangerous to the dog as well because they may inadvertently corner or scare a dog which can make a good dog unpredictable. It's up to me (as the owner) to make sure everyone is safe.

completely agree. If only all dog owners took so much responsibility.

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[Howfunitis]

I have a Boston and he loves to lick and jump. I've never had anyone ask about my dogs when they come over or locked him up BUT I am the kind of dog owner, that if he simply can't control himself or follow commands, he goes to my bedroom. Usually he's excited and wants to sniff and the attention from the adults and jumps on them but he just sniffs the kids, never jumping on them at all. Even when people come over and say "oh he's fine" we get him to go back to his bed and eventually we also do stand between him and the other person till he loses interest but if he made anyone uncomfortable it would be my responsibility to remove him


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[Bittersweet]

I'm just echoing everybody else at this point but sheesh. I can't imagine giving my dog free run of the house if it were distressing my guests. That must have been so stressful to navigate, ugh.


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[Meenah]

I have not read all of the responses, but just want to say that I always keep my dogs separate if anyone is coming to my house (if they don't know my dogs or if I don't know if they even like dogs).

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I don't think they realized how stressful it was. DH's co-fellow (childless) wasn't aware until he mentioned it. Hearing that actually makes me happy. It was annoying that they didn't get it but I'm also glad that no one was aware of how hard it was because it means we weren't rude to our hosts.

Outside the issue with the dogs, the kids were amazing. The girls played quietly with the crafts I brought them for several hours. At dinner, they ate quickly in the dining room with minimal mess and very little noise. Then I scooted them away for fruit and dessert back in the kitchen at which point they returned to the couch and crafting. The TV blaring soccer the whole time which they know nothing about. At 9 PM, DH went over to the couch to tell the girls we were leaving and C was like, "I'm really surprised we are still here. It's late!" So anyway, they were kind of amazingly good in this immaculate home with these dogs.


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