I need your advice on keeping my relationship afloat

Removed by OP.

[Vanquisher]

Two-way street. Resident or not. He has to be committed to the relationship, or it won't work, no matter what you do.

140 hours a week? Really? That's 28 hours a week to sleep, eat, do laundry, etc. Even in the hellish days before the 80-hour work week, I don't think that a lot of residents really did 140. 120-130, unfortunately yes. Someone can correct me if I am wrong.

I don't see how it is possible to have a relationship with someone that works 140 hours a week. I barely have a relationship with my husband, and he works around 100.

Anyway, it sounds like the only relationship your SO is having is with the hospital.

Good luck.

Removed by OP.

Removed by OP.

[Stella]

Would you talk to him about it and if so, how exactly can I bring it up without sounding needy?

Needy is my SO's favorite adjective for me!
I think you do need to talk to him though. Hopefully we can come up with some good strategies for you. I'm terrible at bringing things up. I wait until I'm really upset and then I cry a lot and say some things I don't mean which makes him angry and even more stressed.
The key is to be his relief from stress, not more to come home to. That's kind of the deal we've worked out and it's worked!

I sent you a PM also... good luck.

Removed by OP.

Removed by OP.

[Ravenclaw]

Okay here are my .02 for whatever they're worth!
Whenever I feel like I'm getting angry at him for working all the time, I try to put myself in his shoes. I know he'd rather be spending time with me but that is his job and I knew that going in to the relationship the hours would be rough. I think it's one thing if they were out carousing with friends and it's not like they want to be there 80+ hours a week, you know? Having said that, it's MUCH easier said than done!! Once you throw kids into the equation, I'm sure this thought process will get thrown at the window. I am pretty sure I will resent him not being around and hate feeling like a single mom. That is one reason why I want to wait to have kids.

The only advice I can give is to bring it up in a way that you are missing him a lot since he's started his new fellowship and you wish you could spend more time together and if there is anything you both can do to see each other more. I know he just started a few weeks ago - do you know if every month will be just as busy as this one?

Wow, 140 hours a week? Really? I know that some fellowships were given more time to adopt to the 80 hour work week but that makes me wonder if he really has to be there that much or is choosing to be.

[Stella]

I know he'd rather be spending time with me but that is his job and I knew that going in to the relationship the hours would be rough. I think it's one thing if they were out carousing with friends and it's not like they want to be there 80+ hours a week, you know?

I know he just started a few weeks ago...

I agree with Leyla. When I get upset (and often irrational and often once a month..hehe), this is what SO comes back with, that it's not like he's out boozing with his buddies, he's at the library (or hospital, whatever the case may be). Still, it is hard, and still, you don't want to be a doormat. I had always dated guys who wrote me poems and bought me teddy bears and flowers and were just darn dyin' to spend every waking moment together. This was kind of a newsflash. So, I made a careful list of what I wanted and needed and how much I was willing to give up on those lists. He won by a small margin, but if he didn't do the things he DOES do (like the dishes or periodic phone calls or complimenting my cooking), he probably wouldn't have.

Also, he's just starting this fellowship, right? It might be worth "sucking it up" (a phrase I despise) for a few more weeks to see if he just needed some more time to get used to the new schedule/lifestyle. When SO had his post-bacc finals I didn't see him for 2.5 weeks even though we live 10 miles from each other. So it's a give and take. Sometimes a lot of time, sometimes none. But 140 hrs a week is a hell of a lot, so if you can do this, you can do anything! :weight:

[rainbabies]

sorry i posted the sdn link.

[Stella]

:bath:

I saw this too.. :nono: :disappointed:

[KCwife]

Edited to for dignity.

In the future, at least use a different avatar... not to mention screen name.

[Stella]

::

[KCwife]

edited