Yeah so after I held him for 1.5 HOURS this morning for his 10am feeding and all he did was sleep...I tried to rouse him gently, not-so-gently and nothing. He wouldn't even go near my breast. I was really hurt and so I didn't go back for his 1pm or 4pm feedings (I also had some errands to do today). The nurses tried to bottlefeed him his 1pm...and he took the whole damn thing! In 20 minutes!! How do I not feel like a failure?? I feel like I'm not good enough to be his mother, but the NICU nurses are. And they are going to try again at 7pm, but we're not supposed to go then (nurses shift change) and we're going to a friend's house for dinner...so if he does it again, I miss it and am not part of it again.

I feel like I have no part in any of his progress. It's my fault he had to be born early...and I'm doing nothing to make it any better. This sucks. Don't get me wrong, I'm very very very grateful that he's done so well and is still doing above what the docs predicted. I am really grateful for that...but none of it is because of me.

I hate this NICU/premie/post-partum blues emotional rollercoaster.