Today has been an eventful day and it's not over! I didn't think it was going to be anything out of the ordinary.....but I woke up and decided to donate my stored breastmilk. Daegan isn't going to drink it before it goes bad and I couldn't let it go to waste...so I signed up with milkshare.com and I'm trying to find a recipient. There are still a lot of feelings and emotions associated with the milk. I think sending it to a better home will be a small amount of closure to the whole NICU ordeal for me. Daegan has also officially outgrown newborn clothes! I'm soo proud of how far he's come! The little guy has some great strength!

In sad news, one of my cousins took his life. It's just so sad. I'm sure my aunt, uncle and cousin (his brother) are devastated. It's such a shame that the families are left wondering what they could have done differently to avoid such a tragedy...I didn't even know he was unhappy, let alone depressed...though Russ and I are far away now. He also left behind a very young son and a young adopted step son...though he and his wife were recently divorced. His life wasn't perfect and a little dysfunctional, but still...it sucks.

After that call, we received a call from the hospital regarding Daegan's bill. Turns out residents receive a substantial discount off all charges...right off the top...and then after what our insurance paid out (the insurance company is not privy to our discount)...we owe NOTHING! And even if new charges are filed, it's very unlikely that we will owe b/c we still have 'credit' from the discount...if that makes sense... Merry Christmas to us!!

I have sooo many emotions running through me right now....I'm sad and nostalgic remembering Daegan's NICU stay....but happy and hopeful that the milk will be able to go to a family who needs it....in time for the holidays. I'm deeply saddened by my cousin's death and a little angry at the selfishness of suicide. Having children does change you....I hope that Daegan's life doesn't ever cause him pain..let alone enough pain to consider ending it. And then I feel incredibly blessed that we don't owe any money for hospital bills. It's a weird mix of emotions all at once.

It's a good thing Russ had today off...I need him for his emotional stability.