So for the work gripe....I don't totally trust one of the docs at my clinic....and he often picks up my cases after I leave. It sucks. I hate picking up one of his cases because I sometimes find errors and then I try to fix them without pointing them out and changing things too much to upset him..... The techs don't want him to do surgeries anymore because he gets frustrated and mean too easily...and he is slow. So they ask me to do the unassigned cases and then he gets upset. Ugh....I'm looking forward to my 3 months off for maternity leave. I hope it recharges me so I can last another year at that place.

So my emotional baggage....I've debated putting this on the forums...in some ways I'd like to hear a there, there....but in other ways I feel like I'm whiny. Lately this pregnancy has gotten me feeling a huge gamut of emotions....
I'm feeling huge and uncomfortable and sometimes feel like I just can't get around. I feel crappy but then feel guilty for complaining. I mean, I'm still carrying my baby....and so far am not having any pre-e signs or complications....so I should be happy and feel lucky and thankful.... But then, I have another bad day where I feel like I can hardly get around and I feel like it's ok to complain. But then I worry that maybe I'm not really well and that it's more than just normal pregnancy discomfort....and that I might end up with another preemie or worse.....but then I think that I need to be realistic and get over my fears and that if I was just honest, I'd know that it's just normal preg stuff..... and to quit bitching because I have another 10 weeks to go...... WAIT! WHAT?!?!? Another 10 weeks??? Really? I have such a warped impression of how long pregnancy is. I feel like I am almost done....but I am so not. Daegan was born only 9 days after this point. 9 days....I have over 9 weeks left. If I feel this uncomfortable now, how I am going to make it another 10 weeks? (To be honest some days I feel great! Truly great!)

Russ is really trying to be supportive. And he's going to our birth classes and listening to me go on and on about VBACs and interventions and birth plans and all.....and he's honestly on board with all of it.....but I can't help but ruminate on it all. He's also trying to be patient with all my bitching about how uncomfortable I am.....suggesting ways to feel better....but I know he can't help but wonder how the hell I'm going to make it another 10 weeks.....at least he praises my belly everyday. New stretch marks and hugeness and all!! It's amazing to me how this man who has such a bias against fat/obesity can LOVE my pregnant body. But he really does....it doesn't look fat to him. Thankfully!

Daegan is really been a trooper. We have our bad days when mama doesn't get enough sleep (and I am such a bad mom when I am overtired)....but overall, he's been good to me. He's mindful when I say I hurt or don't feel well. He's OK with cuddling on the couch nursing....even if it's all afternoon. He's been able to play a bit more by himself....and our sitter says he's even noticing a difference between "baby" and "big boy." He's been sleeping in his bed pretty well....and when he doesn't Russ has been great about tending to him. I do appreciate how much easier they are making this for me.

Fall is here....the weather has cooled considerably! We're getting lows in the 40s! I'm freezing! Daytime highs have been in the low 70s and sunny....it has been great to let Daegan play outside. I love this time of year....not for the weather, but for all the family time it invokes....from now through Christmas, it's just all about togetherness and family. I love it!