What an awful day.

DH was working last night, he's on nights this week. I called last night but he was too busy to talk to me, which happens quite often. It's hard to believe that he can't spare two mins to say goodnight. Anyway, he usually gets home at 9am. I was expecting to see him around that time but he didn't arrive home until 11. I was a bit worried after an hour when I didn't see him. It was raining outside and he had been going on about how he fell asleep while driving a few days before.

So, he walks in at 11 going on about how he stopped for pizza (it was dinner time to him coz he's on nights). I was so pissed, but didn't want to start a fight. He arrives 2 hours late, having not bothered to tell me he'd be late and couldn't care less. He knew something was up and kept asking what was wrong. I said that I was sick of waiting for him to come home and not knowing what time he'd turn up. I don't think it's too much to ask for him to call and tell me he'd be late. I said I was just feeling down and was pretty stressed out over our immigration interview Monday. He said it would all turn out fine.

I went on about the job that I was offered but it fell through. It had seemed like a really good job too. I can't believe I have to go back job hunting again. I told DH that I was miserable and feeling pretty bad at the moment. He said "You're not miserable!" I said, " I am, can't you understand that?". He said, "Fine, be miserable. What do you want me to do about it." and walked off!!. Of course this made me even more upset. I went into the bedroom and he came in a few mins later, saw me crying and said. "Oh, for petes sake", and got into bed. I asked him why he told me to get over it when I asked him for sopport. He said "What do you want me to do? I'm tired, I'm going to sleep". He was so cold and acted like he didn't care. I said I couldn't believe he spoke to me like that and how I'm always there when he needs support.

I started getting ready to go out, I needed some fresh air. He said "Oh, come here". I went over and he hugged me and said sorry. Of course two mins later he was asleep.

I'm still shocked at his reaction when I was trying to tell him that I was feeling down and needed some support. He just acted like he couldn't care less. This is so unlike him. He's usually great and always knows how to cheer me up. This is the second time he's acted like this in the last few weeks. What annoys me is that he has no comprehension of how difficult the last few months have been. Between moving to another country, having no friends or family here, financial worries, him working all the time, me having trouble finding a job, I'm just overwhelmed. He does not seem to get it. He is the only reason I'm in the country, I left everything behind to be with him, and to have him treat me like this is heartbreaking.

Sometimes I feel like packing up and going back home. I feel like he wouldn't even miss me since he's never around. I mean, he's a great guy in every other way but he expects me to handle all of this the way he does, bottle it up and pretend everything is ok. That's just not me. He would let me go before he'd do anything to change the way he behaves. I just don't know what to do. I come to the brink of leaving every few weeks. I'm not very happy here, everything has been so difficult. I know that if I was still unhappy down the line and decided to go back to Ireland, he would let me go. I breaks my heart to say that but his precious job comes before everything else. I find myself living from month to month, hoping things will get better.