The main focus of my life lately has been DH's journey through looking at fellowships. It's driving me nuts. The two fellowships he's interested are only 1 year in length, and he thinks he must do these right after he finishes residency or else (insert dire music here, and a soap opera close up of his face) "he may never go back." OK-- I vote for that one!

Anyway, the problem is that he sees everything through the prism of his career. I see everything through the prism of our family. When he finishes residency, Kate will be entering 11th grade. A really nice time to move... So, he wants to go to do a fellowship, and when I said, "You can just go do it, and we'll stay here" he says, "If the family doesn't stay together, then I won't go." Sounds noble to him. But terribly manipulative to me. I don't like being in this position. And for some reason, it's all urgent now because it impacts what types of research projects he gets involved in...

Speaking of research projects, next week DH is going to Philly to present a poster. The department *graciously* decided to pay for DH's conference fee, but with a spoonful of guilt. They told him that they used up "half of the department budget for the rest of the year" just to send him to this conference. Two different attendings at different times told him that he would not get reimbursed for gas, lodging, or anything, while reminding him that he WAS getting the conference fee paid for... Well... DH happened to run into a financial person at the hospital the other day, and he asked her what the policy is about conferences and reimbursements. She told him that they get reimbursed for everything-- including an allowance for meals, airfare if needed, hotel, conference fees... Everything. DH told her that the department is out of money, basically, to which she told him that a *different* department pays for all this stuff.

Turns out that one of DH's classmates-- a 2nd year resident-- is getting full reimbursement for a trip to a conference in Seattle where he will present a poster. Just like DH is doing, except that this guy is going to do an "oral presentation" of his poster which means he's going to stand next to it for 2 hours so that people can ask him questions about it... Full Reimbursement. DH talked to this guy a few weeks ago, and mentioned how much it sucked that they don't get reimbursed for hotels or anything, and this guy just said, Uh, yeah, I know... It sucks... He didn't say, "Gee, I get reimbursed! It's strange that you don't!" We are starting to realize that this resident looks out for numero uno only-- this is the 2nd time in 3 months where he's misled DH and the other residents- to his own benefit only. It just sucks. We thought he was a solid guy, but I just don't think DH can trust him.

Anyway, DH plans to carefully ask the PD to explain why Resident throw you under the bus gets reimbursed while DH doesn't... Of course, if the PD says, "Suck it up!" DH will let it drop b/c he doesn't want to be on the **** list...

It's just stressful.

DH is also going to be in charge of scheduling the junior residents' next year for their call. I didn't really want him to do this, but it gives him a seat at the meeting the administrative types have in the spring where they discuss major changes to the program. Clearly he doesn't want the resident who threw him under the bus to have that position (he is seriously the most slobbery lap dog of the PD ever) and the other resident is way to laid back for that position... Hopefully this will mean that we'll get the call schedule we want, but I think it's just going to be a huge headache.

On the home front, things haven't been that wonderful. Kate decided to not do homework the entire last 2 or 3 weeks of the third quarter. Of course, I don't find out about this until the damage is done, and pretty much all her grades dropped by one full letter...

She is involved in her musical, which is basically a big social thing. She gets to hang out with her friends for 2 hours after school. When she gets home, she's too *tired* or *stressed* to do her homework, of course.

She's been through 2 boyfriends since the musical started. One of them called himself "bisexual" (WTF??? Seriously... These 13-year-olds call themselves "bisexual" if they "have no problem with gay people." When I asked Kate if that meant that he liked boys, too, she said, "No, he only likes girls".)

Anyway, he dumped Kate in a pretty rude way, sending her into this emotional tailspin for a very bad week. The next boyfriend, about 2 weeks after the breakup, is a "scene" guy which I guess means a happier version of emo or goth? I don't know. He has a lip ring. I think they are gearing up to break up, since he appears to be *avoiding* her...

I just can't wait for summer break. This has been a pretty terrible year with her. Some of the stuff that goes on at her school... I just want to bury my head in the sand. I don't WANT to know anything, but I know that I NEED to know what's going on, and I should be so thankful that she talks to me...