DH and I have been in a bit of a funk lately. We'll get over it, and I think we'll be stronger for it eventually, but it seems like we're just not on the same page, at all. I am too tired to even try to explain what I do all day, or to ask his input on house matters... I try to listen to him when he talks about work, but it just breeds more resentment from me. I wonder why I know so many details about his coworkers (whom I haven't even ever met- DH is ALWAYS on call when they have department get togethers with families invited-- I've met only 1 chief resident and the other 2 PGY-2s, and 2 attendings... that's it.) I know so much crap about his life, and I feel like he has not a clue about mine.

Sigh.

I've tried to engage him, but I just get bored and discouraged in the retelling of what goes on here. I have the schedules posted all over the house, and I expect him to keep up on where we are, but he still asks "where were you when..." or on a day when we have 2 different soccer practices to get to he thinks that would be the day to... take the kids out for ice cream or something... He's just on a different planet, that's all.

So, I can't even explain how out-of-sync I feel with him, but this is one example. The other day he was downstairs working on a project that's been waiting for his attention for weeks. He heard through Kate's door some questionable lyrics on a new CD she just bought. It wasn't a *parental advisory* CD or anything, but he heard the F word and I think the S word... Keeping it G-rated for you guys... So, of course, he goes nuts and forces her to give him the CD, and then he lectures her about it for a while, and goes back to work. I get the CD, and have her come upstairs to listen to it with me. There were a couple of songs with cuss words, so I asked her why she likes the songs.

Typical responses here- "The beat is really good." "I don't listen to the lyrics, I just like the beat." "Everyone cusses in school. It's normal." "I don't think it's a big deal."

So, we discuss bad language. I know that everyone cusses, first thing. All you have to do is go to the movies or a mall or somewhere were there are tweens and teens, and do a bit of eavesdropping, and it's part of the language. I asked her about cusses, does she do it, etc., etc. She says she doesn't cuss, and I really think she doesn't because if she did as a habit, it would definitely come out at home when she totally loses her cool. The worst I've heard her call me is *stupid* and that was when she was pretty mad, and after she let slip that S-word she got all pale and shaky...

Anyway, this prompted a very productive discussion between her and me about her language, and the effects of peer pressure on her, and what she accepts as good behavior "just cuz everyone else is doing it" vs what she actually thinks. She admits that she's written her own song lyrics with cussing in them because she thinks that is what she needs to write... Ultimately, our conversation was about how one thing leads to another when you choose to let your friends and peers influence your behavior to the point where you do things you don't want to do just to fit in...

After talking about all the lyrics, the cussing, and some sexist themes, I gave her back the CD. I said, "Here. You can have this CD. Understand that I think the lyrics in there are trashy and won't do you any good. When you hear this CD, you will remember our discussion and you'll think differently about the songs." She was happy to have her CD, and stayed upstairs to talk to me for a while. When she went downstairs, she forgot to take the CD with her. I called her to give it to her, and she said, "Thanks... But I doubt I'll listen to it again. You kind of ruined it for me (with a little smile)."

So, sorry this is so long, geez, but anyway, I told DH that I gave her the CD back after a long discussion of how *bad* lyrics can get in our brains, etc., etc., and he got all pissy with me, and said, "Well, I disagree, but I guess I won't say anything."

I swear. I was *this* close to saying *F* you... Without the editing.

I realized that I just don't think he has a right to even offer his opinion about punishments because he is so rarely home. He's totally not the disciplinarian in the house- none of the kids see him as such. He can't even send Luke to a time-out. He does the 5 count with the long, dragged out 5 followed by... no consequence. It takes one look from me and Luke runs to his time-out spot. I *know* that DH can't do the disciplining because he's just not home enough for it to work. So when I have done something *unconventional* but I believe it was more effective than just trashing the CD, I just don't need the "good doctor's disapproval."

Waaa.

Who knows. Maybe Kate played me, but I don't think so. She didn't think she was getting the CD back. She didn't even think that was a possibility, given that we've thrown away stuff before if we see that it's total garbage (like her little pin that said, "Wow, you're stupid".) But to me, sometimes doing something a little bit surprising can make more of an impression.

Anyway, DH used to listen to gangsta rap when he was a teenager, so give me an *F-ing* break...

He can be so sanctimonious, and it's going to bite him in the butt.