March something....2006

Cycle #5 of 6 is finally behind me. I was admitted Monday night to observe baby and look for contractions...I was told that if I began having contractions they would not stop labor and would immediately deliver me. Fortunately, the cramping didn't progress and I was able to go home Tuesday afternoon.

Also, my amniotic fluid levels went up to normal. Apparently, the problem last week was that there wasn't a pocket that was 2cm by 2cm or something....I guess I didn't understand that....now the levels are 'normal'...though we're on watch and wait again because of the chemo on Monday.

I'm due for another ultrasound in an hour and...that of course makes me a little nervous.

At this point though, I feel like I've been put on 'orange alert' and 'red alert' so many times that it's like the homeland security alerts...meaningless. I'll just buy myself some duct tape and maybe some cans of tuna fish for under the bed and hope for the best Laughing

I feel much more optimistic for baby because we'ree 30 weeks on Friday..that is good news.

I've also gotten some really great emails from jlynnb's husband...who is a practicing neonatologist...and they have provided both Thomas and I with some relief. Everyone here has been so supportive and I'm so grateful for that!

My Dad and Rose came last week a couple of days early when I had to go into the hospital...they came into the house saying "we're going to take the kids with us for spring break" but....they left two days earlier than planned saying "we have some other obligations" Laughing That works for me...Thomas and I were worried about how we would tell them that the kids couldn't go....apparently, spending so much time with the kids took care of that for us! meanie

I'm glad that they were able to come and help...but my house is a wreck...I'm so surprised that 3 adults (Thomas, my dad and rose) had such difficulty keeping things going. Also, the second that I got home I was sort of 'back in charge' despite supposed modified bedrest.

Tuesday morning it was just me getting the kids up and out the door again..despite Tylenol3 for a chemo migraine and some real exhaustion. This is really starting to make me tired....and...I always feel short of breat the week after treatment.

Kelly surprised me with a visit (and can I just say that I could have died of embarassment when she had to go upstairs and see how we 'really' live...I soooo thought that I was past feeling that way, but my instince today is to give the house a deep cleaning and then invite her back over Rolling Eyes Seriously...pig sty is about how I'd describe it! ). We had a nice talk and then went out to TGIF for lunch...when I got back, Aidan was napping. I sat down and worked on some cross stitch and then the little stinker woke up...he craweld up onto my back and then...he peeed all over me. Laughing

I went upstairs and used it as an excuse to get into the bathtub. meanie I was so tired afterwards though, that I didn't even get dressed. I laid in the bed with a towel wrapped around me and put on HGTV. DH came in and said "when are you going to put all of the laundry away. Why are you laying in bed." Rolling Eyes ummmm...ok....I explained that I was tired and he said "You are always tired" and left the room.

I know that this is hard on him...I know it's wearing thin...but...it made me feel badly. I feel like I just need to suck it up and keep going...I feel like I'm failing my family now. That's hard for me. He apologized to me later, and said that he just 'forgot'...but...I just don't buy it. He has had to pull a lot more than just his own weight lately and I think he resents it...and maybe even me.

We're having the mil argument again too because he's decided that SHE is going to come when I have radiation. Radiation therapy is every day for an entire month. It won't take long each time...maybe an hour total? but...it is supposed to exhaust you, cause a bunch of icky side-effects and...well, who knows? I've decided not to read up on it because quite frankly...I don't...want to know. Ignorance is bliss and I think if I go into it without any bad expectations then I'm likely not to experience things in a negative way. At least that's my rationalization.

I told Thomas that HE will have to stay at home in the am with Aidan and Zoe and I'll take care of everything when I get home. He insists his mom is coming...to which I declared that I'll be getting treatment in Minneapolis and living with Kelly. I mean it!