My buzzword for tonight is anxiety.....

I've had my headache now with right-sided shoulder, chest and neck pain for 10 days. We noticed that my shoulder was swollen this weekend. I finally called my internist yesterday when I woke up with edema above my clavical and shoulder. Basically, my internist's office decided that I needed to follow up with oncology and my oncologist moved my CT scan from Oct. 11th to tomorrow.

Is there a real concern of relapse? I don't know. It would be an odd presentation. DH says that they have discussed the option of disseminated histoplasmosis...I had those lung lesions several weeks ago that may be the culprit. We never treated because my serology was negative.

My anxiety is so high today that I've been flushed and a bit "off".....

I can't help but worry about relapse and quite frankly, the idea of disseminated histo doesn't really thrill me either.

I'm hoping that we're working off of the premise here that "if you have a hammer, everything is a nail"...and...this is a benign muscular issue or something. It seems like because I did have lymphoma people are taking it more seriously than they would if I didn't have that history....maybe it still is nothing?

I really dislike feeling so anxious, but there isn't anything I can do right now. Tomorrow at 1pm I'll have the CT and I'm sure dh will then run to the hospital and have a look. He's already given me immediate worst-case scenarios...lung biopsy, LP, blah, blah, blah.

I think I'll just stick my head in the sand for now and avoid all of this....

I might need to run to the store and get some more rum and diet coke! :> Anyone want to come have a drink with me



kris