Surviving the Holidays during Residency by Kristen Math

Christmas in our house always ends up looking more like a National Lampoons holiday than a TLC special. This tradition probably dates back to our first family Christmas. Our son was only two weeks old and I had invited my German in-laws over for a traditional American Christmas dinner. Any reasonable person would have realized that two weeks post-partum probably was not the time to put together a holiday celebration for their in-laws. I, however, suffer from chronic ‘hallmark-itis’. This affliction hits me the hardest around Christmas time, where I have visions of drinking eggnog around a colorfully-lit tree, and Christmas carols sung by a warm fireplace. Anyone can see that I’m setting myself up for disaster, but as the holidays approach, I find myself sinking further into denial.

Our first Christmas celebration ended in my mind when my mother-in-law began to scoop out the stuffing from the turkey. Much to my horror, she pulled out a steaming hot bag of giblets and the neck from the cavity in front of everyone. This was my first turkey and I hadn’t known to clean out the inside of the bird. Needless to say, she didn’t try the turkey.

During residency, I realized that I had to scale back my holiday expectations. For someone who started putting up her lights in October, this was no easy task. With call schedules, children, the financial stress of training and the unrealistic holiday expectations that I was placing on myself and my family, instead of enjoying the spirit of the season, I was feeling stressed out and anxious. Letting go of my holiday stress has been a multi-step process. It has taken me several years to realize that I can serve turkey on paper plates and still consider the holiday a success. Here are some tips to reduce your holiday stress:

1. GET REAL: Let’s face it: Martha Stewart has (had) an entire staff of qualified professionals working for her. We will never be able to sculpt our own traditional holiday plates from clay, blow our own glass ornaments and build a nativity set from acorns and twigs scavenged from the garden. With Martha Stewart otherwise occupied this holiday season, now is the time to come to your senses. Evaluate your situation this year and decide what holiday preparations you are willing to let go of. Give yourself permission to not hang your lights up, to serve cranberry sauce from the can, buy cookies instead of baking them yourself, and to attend parties this year instead of throwing them. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember the joy and togetherness of the holidays,not the stress associated with trying to make everything perfect.

2. SET SPENDING LIMITS: Without a doubt, the most stressful aspect of our holiday celebrations has involved money. For us, coming up with a financial plan for the holidays has made all the difference:

a. Save where you can: The dollar store has turned into my holiday shopping utopia. There is no better place to buy stocking stuffers, candy, decorations, wrapping paper, ribbons, tape, holiday greeting cards and an assortment of small gifts including books, books-on-tape, puzzles, games and even perfume. Last year, I bought Oprah’s Make The Connection: Ten Steps to a Better Body–And a Better Life book, journal and videotape as a gift for my mother. At 3$, it was a wonderful gift at a great price. The interesting twist is that she had bought the exact same gift for me!

b. Set limits: Decide on spending limits before you start your holiday shopping. My husband and I have set a limit of $35 to spend on each other each year. We have a bit of a competition going to see who can find the best gifts for the least amount of money. Last year, I found a great coupon from our local jewelry store. I was able to buy him a new watch for $20! I confess that I usually go over by about 10 dollars, but am still well within a comfortable spending range. Most of our holiday money is spend on the children. We buy them several small gifts to open, including puzzles and games from the dollar store. Then each child gets one ‘big’ present. This is something that they have wanted all year. We also set a spending limit on this item.

c. Look at second-hand shops: There are several national chains, like “Once Upon A Child”, that resell clothing and toys in new or like-new condition. This year, we found a Barbie house for our daughter that is in perfect condition. New, we would have paid $199 + tax. We were able to purchase this gift for less than $30. The house looks like it just came out of the box.

d. Limit your gift giving: In larger families, the expense of buying even small gifts and distributing them can be overwhelming. Instead of buying a gift for all of your relatives this year, have a family pow-wow before the holiday season starts. Suggest instead, that each family or family member put their name in a hat. Then they can pick out one person or family to exchange gifts with. It is likely that your relatives will all appreciate this because it will reduce their gift-giving budget as well.

e. Get a free meal: Many of the grocery store chains have holiday turkey and ham programs. You are given a card to fill in. If you purchase your groceries with them, you can have the card stamped. Once you have filled up the card with the correct number of stamps, you have earned yourself a free turkey or ham dinner. You have to buy groceries anyway, so you might as well let them earn you a free holiday meal.

f. Give the best kind of gift: If you have children, or are crafty, make some of your holiday gifts. Last year, we purchased canvas bags and fabric paints at Wal-Mart. We spent less than $10 and the kids put their hand prints and names on the bags. They were within in our gift-giving budget and were a hit. I doubt that we could have purchased a gift that would have meant as much as these gifts did.

The only final piece of advice that I would add is for all of you making turkey for the first time this year. Don’t forget to remove the giblets…especially if your mother-in-law is coming for dinner!