i've been up since two- actually earlier than that but I tossed and turned for a while. Why? Because in addition to the 50 lb dog and both cats, tonight I had a 42 pound boy and a giant stuffed bear. (Clancy- Nikolai's brother, according to Nikolai)

and said child asked if he could sleep in my bed because of the thunder we were having and I said sure. I forgot how wiggly he is- at one point his head was on Clancy's stomach and he was perpendicular to the pillows. He also was trying to stay awake until I went to bed so it was easier to go to bed than to argue the point- so I went to bed at 8:49. I was tired but not that tired.

Oh well. I'll head back now. Although while I was laying there I was thinking about how to describe my feelings about this year long fellowship and I think the best I've come to is insulted. and of course, he's mad because I'm still mad- and he's feeling guilty (I'm not, I'm sticking with mad).

I have no doubt that this is going to require some level of professional intervention when he gets back. I can't hold on to the anger and disappointment forever. I mean I can, but that would be counter-productive. But I don't see him waltzing in after a year and it being a particularly smooth transition, either.

Oh well, I have a whole year to think about it- time to go back to bed.