Okay, I think I"m uploading a pic appropriately - if so, here she is. I guess I realized that I don't have a great close-up downloaded onto my computer. People keep asking who she looks like - she looks like herself. Honestly, I can see parts of her brother and sister in here, but she really doesn't look like either of them did as newborns.

I can't complain in terms of her being a newborn, but we're really starting to feel sleep deprivation in our house. DH is showing it more than I am, but he was on nights for a few days, and I think that added to his lack of sleep. He is starting to really lose patience with our four year old, which is making me crazy. We have been fortunate to have many visitors come to help. For now, it's just us, and that's okay, too. We need time to just settle in and be a family.

I'm getting really frustrated with my recovery. I had mastitis basically from the day my milk came in to a week and a half later. It would get better, and then we'd have a sleepless night and I'd end up with a fever and horrible symptoms. When I initially went into my OB, she was afraid to treat me with what would have been the appropriate meds because of my reactions to other meds, so I was on a course of antibiotics that were doing nothing for a few days. Over a weekend, my symptoms flared up again and her partner who was on call got me back on the right track by changing my meds. I know DH was really frustrated because he disagreed with my initial treatment anyway, but doesn't believe in treating his own family. DD's pediatrician (who is IM/Peds) was kind of horrified when I told him what meds I was initially treated with.

I think that because my body was so busy fighting mastitis, my c-section recovery was a little delayed. On top of that, I've been pushing myself to help with the other two kids. I am now remembering why I wanted to wait until the older kids were 6 and 4 to have this baby. Getting DS out of his crib has been an interesting challenge, but we've made it work so far. I'm not ready to put him in a big-boy bed, so I'm hoping to be able to lift him shortly, and I'll have to drive once on Thursday. We'll see how that all goes.

Things have kind of blown up with DH's family -mainly because at the end of my pregnancy, I completely lost any respect I had for them, and I was the one forcing the relationships to happen between DH and most of his family for years. When the kids were born, I made more of an effort knowing that by the time they are about ten, they'll probably see the dysfunction and manipulation that MIL uses to get her way in most situations. I decided that I would rather they make a decision not to have a close relationship with DH's family rather than make that decision for them. Now, I'm just kind of warn out and done. When we moved in, they complained that "their" bathroom here was out of commission because we were remodeling it (we have four other bathrooms, just to put the ridiculousness in perspective). They were here last week to "help" with the other kids, which included literally taking the baby out of my arms to hold her without asking (once, she was actually latched onto me eating), feeding the older kids PB&J and desserts for breakfast, letting the older kids watch hours of TV a day (they usually get 30 minutes), coming into my bedroom when I went there to escape with the baby, and basically making me completely uncomfortable in my own home. They are coming here for Thanksgiving, but after that, I am okay with whatever DH wants to do with them, even if it is basically cutting them off. I'm just done. I probably should have done a better job setting boundaries earlier in our relationship so that we wouldn't get to this point, but I"m really not sure it would have made a difference.

Other than trying to suck up every second of having an adorable newborn, the highlight of our lives right now is that, I think, DH finally found a job that is a great fit for him. His coworkers have been awesome about helping out (he even got to go in an hour late Sunday so that he could put DS into his bed with no grief from anyone) and understanding what it is to be new in town with a young family and a newborn. DH loves going to work and really respects the other docs he works with. His nursing staff seems to be really good, and the hospital fairly well run.

If my post is rambling and makes no sense - my disclaimer is this - I don't even know if I'm awake or asleep right now. I've been checking in on occasion, but am really far behind on iMSN, which kind of sums up my life right now. My goal for the next couple of weeks is to find a cleaning service. Oh, and I'm hosting Thanksgiving somehow - we'll see!