weaning.....

I have a weaning question for any of you nursers out there.....

My "baby" is 18 months old...yes, gasp, choke, and I am still nursing him...mostly for comfort reasons....but he is so breast fixated....he still sleeps in our bed with us (we are proponents of the family bed) and he is up half the night reaching for, grabbing at, nursing etc...

I didn't have this with my other two, whom I weaned at 9 mo and 6 mo....and now I am really struggling to get Alex weaned before my mom comes to watch him for a week. Besides, he is 18 months old...it is sort of time!

During the day I can offer him juice or milk as an alternative, but at night (3 am...) he will accept nothing but the breast and is extremely vocal about it....how can I get him weaned? He won't take a pacifier as an alternative..

Any ideas?

Kristen

I had a friend that nursed until her baby was a toddler and slept in their bed. She said the only way she could wean her was to physically turn her back to her. She said she got kicked a lot but no other way worked. I think in a way it is a form of rejection by either the baby or the mother so someone will be upset, but it has to happen sometime!

Have you tried going to your local Le Leche League meetings? They might have some good answers for you.

Good luck, you have a tough time ahead of you!

Jennifer

I can't help you as we bottle feed with all three of our little ones. The Le Leche idea sounds really good maybe they can help ya ~ Devera

How did he get so big? Where did the time go? I remember when he was 6 mo. I started thinking...ok...it is time to start thinking about weaning him...but...well, it is my LAST baby, so....a couple of more months...and so on and so on...I don't know who is more attached..me or him.

Honestly, one of the problems that I am having with this is realizing that this means that a really significant "chapter" in my life is coming to an end...I know, I know...there will be many more exciting things...but I really miss the idea of snuggling up to a baby and nursing them...I don't feel ready to let go of that part of my life.

Has anyone else here gone through a sort of "grieving" process as their babies become toddlers...

I've mentioned my son't surgeries a lot. After he had the first one he was only seven months old and still breastfeeding. At the hospital post surgery he wanted to nurse but was in so much pain that he would bite down on me! Needless to say I didn't want to nurse him after that a few times! Poor kid, he really needed it to comfort him. But after that I couldn't help but flinch every time he latched on. That was the beginning of the end of nursing him. I missed it and he missed it but it just became too psychologically damaging for me to constantly jump out of my seat every time I felt his teeth even a little.

When he was first born I had to feed him through a medicine dropper because he wouldn't take the nipple or a bottle - he starved! I worked for weeks to get that child to nurse and it was depressing when it was over but I really felt a sense of accomplishment. Same thing with my twins who were nursed until 5 mos.at which point I got pneumonia and called it quits (too hard physically-I couldn't consume enough calories to keep up)

I really have some sweet memories of snuggly babies. I went to Le Leche League meetings with my first and found them very, very helpful and supportive for mothers committed to nursing. (However, there will be a few mothers there who will insist you nurse until 3 or kindegarten because that is the way they do it in Botswana or some other third world country. And there's always the story of the woman who nursed her 10 year old - YUCK! Ignore these women.)

Oh God...what if I turn into one of those women who nurses until early childhood...oh gasp...I hope not! We had a peds appointment today and our pediatrician said "well, before he starts college would be nice...with a big smile..."but I felt so embarassed. He was immunized and then reached immediately for...you guessed it. The thing is, I am torn. I know that when I give up nursing that it will be the last time for the rest of my life that I nurse one of my children...and I am struggling to make the transition to a new phase of my life...In a melodramatic way, I am mourning the progression to this new "chapter" in my life....does that make me weird?

Kristen

I don't want you to think that I meant nursing a toddler is weird. It is actually common among women I know. My husband's mother nursed his brother until he was past three and she had another baby! I guess it becomes progressively harder to wean from breast or bottle with a toddler because toddlers get clingy (and shy and scared) and throw tantrums and have some really neurotic episodes! My girls are 16 mos now and Heaven forbid I take away their "babas" (bottles). I haven't a clue as to how I'll start weaning them!

I am currently nursing my 22 month old daughter "gasp", and I am not planning on weaning until she is ready. I originally had a goal of 6 months, then a year, then 2, oh goodness, it really is the best milk for her! I know exactly what you mean about being torn. I sometimes wish she would go a whole night without rolling over and going for ma~ma's! At the same time I know that breastmilk is still 'bestmilk' for her. I never saw myself as one of those women who nursed a baby with teeth! Here I am not only nursing a baby with teeth, but one who can walk and talk! What you should really do is sit back and think about what you want. Do you really want to wean? Or do you want to continue to nurse your baby? I would like to recommend a book that really helped me decide the weaning issue: The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears. The book goes over extended nursing as well as how to go through the weaning process (as well as other baby care issues). I hope I was able to help you! You can email me if you have any other questions at Milkbags@webtv.net.

Natalia, I love your email address!!! Really, it is how I feel sometimes! I don't really mind the nursing....it gives us a closeness...and I do keep setting these dates...12 mo, 18mo...now we are moving towards the 24mo mark. I think the only thing that is really troubling me is the attitudes of others and my sleepless nights. Alex wakes up regularly and reaches for them all night long....it is a real comfort thing for him and I think for me too in a way....I am so glad to hear from someone else in the same situation....and thanks for the book recommendation...Isn't Dr. Sears the one who wrote on the issue of the "family bed"? ( We do that too...we have 3 children, ourselves and our Australian Shephard with us in bed every night )

Kristen,

I nursed my youngest until he was 20 months. My oldest one quit nursing all by himself around age one, so I had no idea how to wean! We do not do the family bed, but this child did not sleep through the night until he was 15 months old, and in fact got up twice a night until he was about 10 months old. (In retrospect, perhaps the family bed would have been a good idea -- but my husband gets so little sleep as an OB/GYN resident, and both of us really like our space in bed, so I didn't have the heart to push the issue)

The way I finally got him weaned was to have company! Let me explain -- our danger zone time when he really demanded to nurse was after he woke up from his nap. We had family friends come to stay with us for a week, and when he got up from his nap, he wanted to run and play with the other kids. After they left, he was back to asking for it again, but I just gave him a cup of whole milk and stood firm. It was hard, and he kept asking off and on for a couple of months.

You may just have to wait until your mom comes and have him go "cold turkey", although I know that sounds harsh -- but those middle of the night feedings are hard to deny when you are tired and you know he is going to wake the whole family if he doesn't get what he wants.

Good luck to you!

Sally

I am just curious if any of you had this highly delicate problem I had when I breastfed all my kids. My husband would get a bit "jealous" of the attention I'd give the breastfed baby. He also felt a bit rejected because "those used to be his". I felt so tired of being intimate in one way with someone all day ( the baby(s) nursing) that I didn't want to be touched by anyone else, let alone my husband in THAT way. It did create some inimacy problems for us while I nursed. We also had my son sleep with us until he was about a year old. That stopped because my husband wanted some sleep at night and also wanted some time alone with me in our bed together.
I was just curious if others had experienced this one of a very few drawbacks to nursing. I know it's not a subject I see explored in any detail in the literature I have read (and I have A LOT of books including the bible - The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding).

Jennifer

Yep...same here...now here is another delicate nursing topic...it occurred to me when the whole strip thing came up (for those of you just tuning in, it is a long story)....and I realized that in order to do it in the most theoretical sense, of course...I would have to have only one implant....nursing has made me...lopsided!!!

anyone else?

Hi, Kristen. What has worked in large part for us is that we put a mattress on the floor in Sydney's (16 mos. old) room. I nurse her to sleep and then return to my own bed. She wakes less often without us rolling over to stimulate her and we all get much more sleep while providing her with the feel of a family bed at the same time. She's none the wiser!

That is a good idea!

Hey, by the way, we will be in Danville in the middle of October (just Thomas and I)...maybe we can get together one day for a couple of hours?


Kris

This is a very interesting issue. Weaning in general is on my mind lately. My twins were bottle fed (my body's choice, not mine), and at 21 months they LOVE "baba". They also love soothers (has helped enormously in putting them to sleep and keeping them asleep since they were newborns--they had and still have such a strong sucking reflex). One of my girls is also way too attached to her blanket. She drags it everywhere. It's such a comfort to her that she hugs it, laughs, and hugs it some more. So, I've got some weaning issues to work out.

My friend says she weaned her 20-month old boy from his daytime bottles by offering a sippy cup, getting pretty firm about it. Just cold turkey. At naptime or bedtime he'd get a bottle. I may try that too. As to when to cut out the last bottle and give a cup, that would mean my babies are no longer babies. Maybe they'll have a bottle until kindergarten!!! I'm only half joking.

Incidentally, Kris, I can sympathize with your feelings about leaving the breastfeeding chapter behind you forever. I actually thought I'd have another baby after my twins just so that, in part, I COULD breastfeed (the other part would be experiencing a singleton baby). I always thought I would breastfeed and that I wouldn't bottlefeed, so when I couldn't breastfeed, I greived the loss of that experience for months. Perhaps I still greive, but I've stopped blaming myself (what a waste of time that was!!!).

Ultimately, I hate the thought of breaking my girls' hearts when I deny them something they love so much. But there will come a day.

My little brother was nursed until he was about 30 months old. When my mom had company one day, John walked up to my mom, unzipped her shirt, and said in a loud, angry voice "NURSE". The whole room laughed at him. He was so embarrassed that he never nursed again. Seems sad, somehow. I think you'll find the right way to do it--you'll know when the time comes. After all, you don't see many 5 year olds nursing.

Janet

Janet