On-call scheduling & Our 10th Anniversary

Hi there!

I just wanted to stop by and say hi and complain for just a moment. It seems as though I have been doing a lot of that lately. And I need to snap out of it!!!!! Anyway, Bob's on-call this evening and it's Our 10th Year Anniversary from when we started 'Being Together' so-to-speak. It's not Our Wedding Anniversary.

Regardless, I wanted to spend today together of all days! It seems every time we have something we really want to do or important, my husband's "on-call"!!! I'm starting not to like those two words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am thankful he's not on-call Thanksgiving and that our family is close by, only an hour down the road. But then, Bob has to work the Friday after Thanksgiving which stinks!!!!!! Then, his 'holiday' to work is Christmas Eve which means he'll be post-call on Christmas Day and since he's on a medicine rotation, he won't be done until 1 or 2 pm. Ugh!!!! Just the thought of it makes me cringe!

Anyway, during this great anniversary of ours of which I wrote him a poem about us and am finishing up a scrapbook of all our 10 years worth of pictures of us, I have bought Sparkling Cider in our honor!! Heehee! And I am going to drink tonight as I celebrate my love who I won't get to see this evening. Oh the things we go through...which makes me think of the book Kristen and others want to write. Maybe the title of medical marriages and medical spouses should be..."Oh The Places You Won't Go..." Hey, just a thought!!! I am digging deep to try to find humor in al this!!!

Signing-off,
Sad Christy




Romans 8:28

I am sorry that I missed this post yesterday, Christy. What a bummer...how did it go? I know that Thomas has missed his share of children's b-day parties and anniversaries thanks to being "on-call". If I had seen this message yesterday I would have told you to get a babysitter ifyou could and to bring him a nice home-cooked meal up complete with candles and the sparkling wine....and to eat in his call room between pages!

Thomas has call on Thanksgiving and New Years this year. Last year he worked on Christmas....You might consider celebrating as if X-mas were on the 26th...although that might not fly with your oldest...or maybe you could begin the gift-opening at 1pm when he walks through the door...let him go and sleep after you are done and have christmas dinner in the evening? He would miss going to church with you all but could take place in the other festivities....

I hope all went well last night!

Kristen

I feel like complaining too! My husband is on call tonight, eve of Thanksgiving and will be post call on our 8 hour drive to his parents house.

I also found out today that he is on call for Christmas day. I feel frustrated at this because they originally told him he would work New Years Eve and have Christmas off.

We can't make plans for anything because he doesn't get his monthly call schedules until a week in advance. As selfish as it sounds, sometimes I wish he had a different profession. I am tired of our life revolving around his schedule. I try to create my own things to do, but I miss having time with my husband.

I have read the medical spouse diaries and relate to so much of it. In one of the new postings about the good and bad things about being married to a physician, I too, see my husband's personality changing into a negative person. It really scares me. Will he be like this around our children (when we have them)? Is the rest of my life going to be like this? How do I know it will get better even if he says it will. He said it would get better after his residency because he will like what he is doing better, but it is the same. I miss the emotional connection and spontaneity of our relationship.

I really never thought marriage would be this difficult and we are still newlyweds! I would like to attribute most of the difficulty to the stress of his job. His attitude and behavior are similar to those posted here.

However, I realize that my marriage is going to be what I make of it and although it really helps to be able to vent and know people will understand through this message board, it is up to me to make the most of the time we do have. My negativity will only make things worse. At least I have learned that.

So on Thanksgiving, I will be thankful for my family and for everyone here who helps make every day a little easier.

Hello J,

I can relate to much of what you say. I too feel like it's up to me to moderate the moods around our house. I am so weary of being the one who constantly buoys up his bad moods and stress. Sometimes I feel like I've painted a smile on my face when I really feel so lonely inside. I feel lonely because I too feel that emotional connection is gone--or at least in hiding.

My husband has been out of residency a year. Some things have changed, but some are very much the same.

So, the question is, do I want to stay in something that is mostly of my own making? That being a relationship where I'm the one who always lightens life up and my husband is the one who always vents and tears life down? I crave an equal. I once said to a friend that "I want a husband, not a project". I know it sounds really cynical of me, but sometimes that is how I view my husband. While I know working in medicine is hard, sometimes I want to yell "GET OVER YOURSELF" at him...

Maybe I've got unrealistic expectations of what a marriage should be.