Surviving Residency, Marriage, and Parenthood

I met my husband Kyle the week before he got accepted into medical school. The first time he called me was the day after we met. We talked on the phone for more than 8 hours. I'm not even sure what all we talked about. I'm not sure where we went for our first official date. We kept our relationship to ourselves for awhile. Only my sister and two of his friends knew about us. My life was complicated at the time and I wasn't ready to bring our relationship out in the open just yet. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't very good at hiding it. Someone spotted me with a tall, blond guy at a concert and reported it back to my mother. She was furious. I had recently broken off an engagement and she thought Kyle was to blame. It took six more months before she was even ready to meet Kyle. It's hard to believe she felt that way about him. In fact, I believe her words to me at the time were, "You're just a fling before he starts medical school." Some fling! Three and a half years of dating, four and a half years of marriage, and a beautiful son later...I don't think most flings last that long!

The first two years that Kyle was in medical school, we dated with a three hour driving distance between us. That was certainly a challenge but it gave me a chance to focus on my career and my friendships. During his last two years of medical school, he returned to Indianapolis where all the 3rd and 4th year IU medical students go. This is where I was living and teaching, so that worked out great for our relationship.

During the end of his 3rd year of medical school, we decided to get an apartment together. Two weeks after we moved into our new apartment, Kyle proposed. We married in December of his 4th year of medical school. Three months later came Match Day. Kyle had matched Orthopedic Surgery in Kansas City.

In a blur, we flew out, looked at and put an offer on a house. A few weeks later I flew out for a job interview and was offered a teaching position immediately following the interview. Again, a blur of events.

And here we are...the end of residency. Kyle is a chief...a fifth year orthopedic surgery resident. We have an adorable little boy named Matthew who turned two in March.

Next year we'll be moving to Cincinnati so Kyle can complete a fellowship in Sports. I'm looking forward to that year. We'll be just 2 hours away from our families and I will get to enjoy being a Stay At Home Mom.

"Baby Talk"

My husband and I have been talking about trying to have another baby. Last week, I went in to see my Ob/gyn for my annual appointment. She asked me how I liked my birth control pills. "Yeah, they're great," I tell her, "but I don't want to take them anymore."

As she looks over my charts, she said, "Oh, okay, you want to try a different kind?"

"No, we're going to try to have another baby," I tell her.

She looks up at me and smiles and says, "Oh, I see. You want to ruin your life."

It's important to know that I adore my Ob/gyn. She delivered my son 2 years ago. She's a wonderful, yet sassy woman. She always tells me straight up what she's thinking.

So Kyle and I are going to start trying to have another baby.

Kyle, Matthew, and I drove to Indianapolis for a visit with our families last week.

It was certainly an interesting trip! My best friend just became principal of an elementary school there. I couldn't wait to go see her in her new workplace. Here's the kicker...my ex-fiance is her assistant principal. She warned him that I was stopping in for a visit. He and I haven't seen each other for several years now. As I was walking up to the building with my little boy I could hardly swallow. I know how much he can't stand me. And here I was, with my two-year-old son who I've had with the man I basically left him for. Still though, it's been 8 years. Surely we're both over it. In fact, he's currently married for the second time since me and he and his wife have a 9 month old son.

So in the building we go. My friend and my ex-fiance come out to say hello. My friend showed me around the office area. By this time my ex-fiance is in his office. I popped my head in and pointed to the pictures on his shelf and said, "Oh, is that your son?" He stands up and walks over to me pulling several pictures of his son out of his wallet. Small talk about babies followed.

My friend walks me around her school showing me all the classrooms and such. Before I left, I popped my head back into my ex-fiance's office to say goodbye and told him to have a good school year.

Whew! Glad that's over with! Now when I'm in town, I can feel comfortable going to visit my friend at her school. I won't go so far as to say my ex-fiance and I are both over the pain we caused each other. I think those wounds will always be a little raw. But at least now I know we can be polite when we see each other. We both do still exist in this world and we have my friend in common. He works with her and I am her friend. I'm bound to hear about him and he's probably going to hear about me.

I'm back at work teaching my new group of first graders.

Today I had a student have meltdown after meltdown in my classroom. He had to be physically removed from my classroom (not by me). It broke my heart. He's in the process of being evaluated. I'm not sure what his diagnosis will be if he does get diagnosed with something. Possibly Asperger's. Possibly Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Each time he meltsdown, I feel just as emotionally drained afterwards as I imagine he does.

I told my principal that I would not be part of any physical restraining of him. I wasn't willing to put my pregnancy at risk. He agreed that I should definitely not be part of any physical restraining.

I'm at such a loss as to how best help this child. I think I will be doing some research on Asperger's and ODD this weekend.

I have the pregnancy blues today! Actually, I've had it for the last 3 days. My regular clothes are starting to get tight and yet my body will not fill out maternity clothes. I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with DS but it was much later in the pregnancy. My pants are tight, my shirts are tight and even my bras are getting uncomfortable. I cried this morning to my husband about how frustrated I was with my clothing choices right now.

I'm feeling blue today and it's hard to tell anyone that because I know I should be so thankful instead.