What's been "consuming" me

I am really in an akward position right now in the lab and am at a total loss about how I should deal with it. Thomas has been out of town interviewing this week and got home Wed. night...now he is leaving again tomorrow and so I can't really get any help/support from him right now. Perhaps some of you out there can help me to put this into perspective?


One of the young men working in our lab is telling lies about me...one morning I showed up and there was a huge mess on one of the scales. He told everyone that I did it and the professor in our lab opted to believe his side of the story without even asking me. I hadn't even been in the lab for two days when this happened and the last time I had been working my labmate had seen the station before I left and knew that Ihad cleaned up after myself. Now, this individual is claiming that I turned off machines that had his things in them (ruining his experiments), etc...He told my boss all of this about me even though I hadn't been in the room with his experiments running in it for over a week...and no one asked me about it. I was accused and convicted without even being aware that I had supposedly done something...worse, everyone in the labs knew about it before I did.

I am in total shock about this. This last week has been an absolute nightmare. When I am in the lab with this person, he refuses to even look at me and there is an air of absolute "hatred". It is unbearable. I am really terribly upset about it.

Last night went I went in, he was there and he and I were alone for over 2 hours in the lab...and we worked in absolute and total silence...then he began posting little notes to me: Don't touch this, blah, blah, blah...It was so absolutely juvenile. I put these notes under my boss's door with a note saying that I thought that we needed to talk.

This morning I came in and this student started telling me "
Don't touch this, don't touch that....I mean it!" and I said "you need to grow up." I was tired of it! So our boss called a lab meeting. I was relieved because I thought that we would finally be able to clarify this situation.

Instead, my boss began lecturing about courtesy and professional conduct...and saying that if you made a mess, you needed to clean it up...and that everyone was going to have to label all of their things with a different color tape and not touch anyone elses...etc. During this little "pep talk" if you can call it that, this student said something along the lines of what difference will it make if SOME people around here aren't courteous etc....and was really rude and the professor ALLOWED this comment.

One of the PhDs expressed her concern that "someone" (I wonder who they meant" was going to mix up the different chemicals and ruin everyone's experiments.

Later in the meeting, the particular student whom I am at odds with again began making similar comments directed towards me and the professor allowed it. I spoke up and said "Dr. X....I do not think that it is appropriate that he be allowed to make these comments" and my boss just said "I don't want to hear another word from either of you."

I was never given the opportunity to defend myself to the charges made against me that were totally false. I am just beside myself about this whole situation...literally, I have been consumed for days. Any advice or words of encouragement?

Kris

Hi Kristen,

What a horrible mess to be in, and especially when you are also a vitual single parent to your three children!

Do you think if you wrote a letter to your prof he would read it? You could explain what you wrote in your post (i.e., the chronology of events). You could even cc the letter to the offending student so that he's aware that the prof has heard you. Maybe hand deliver the note to the prof and insist on staying in his office until he reads it. What the prof does with the information you can't control. Perhaps your lab partner could also pipe up in your defense and include a note describing what she observed.

I don't think you should quit, as I know how much this degree means to you. And you are so close to finishing. If this were a job, you wouldn't walk away, right? Don't let those involved have that much power over what you do with your education. After all, you are there for you and your future, not for anything to do with them. The worst scenario is that you'll feel uncomfortable (that's no fun, I know). You could try playing music to yourself on a walkman while in the lab to ease the stess of being there.

To some extent, this other student is probably enjoying that you are upset, since that was likely his motivation. Let's get Kristen into trouble... Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

I hope it gets better soon...