weird question

What happened...did people actually leave and create a religious group just because Kristen allowed a diverse group of people to post? From what I gather people felt offended because of the variety of lifestyles represented here....I think that is what makes us all so interesting.



Lori

Lori, I agree with you that diversity in people is what makes the world rich, and in the case of *this* message board, I value that kind of richness tremendously!

In answer to your question, no, people did not actually leave and, yes, a Christian, not religious, group was formed.



I hope this helps answer your questions.



Christy

I don't think that any harm was meant...I think that the christian forum fulfills a need that I can't meet.



However, to use your analogy, Jennifer...what if Janet was in a mommy and me group that met at her home...what if all of the moms had twins but had differing views about raising them...attachment parenting, coroporal punishment, etc...and so the mommys that believed in attachment parenting decided not to go over to Janet's house anymore because they didn't agree with the fact that she would allow anyone who didn't believe in attachment parenting to participate. Then, they started their own attachment parenting twin mommy group and spent their first meeting talking about the bad things about Janet's house?



It sort of makes you understand why I felt hurt, doesn't it?



But here is the deal...to each his own....I think the christian forum is a good idea and I don't intend on holding onto hard feelings. I think that it is unfortunate that individuals feel so strongly about their spiritual convictions that they don't feel like they can even visit or post with people who have a variety of different views.....



But I am goint to respect individual differences and embrace Christy's new website and forum....I think that it will be a nice place for christian spouses to find additional support.



Kristen

GEES

I disagree with the above remarks in this sense:



#1 I have never ever suggested I was going to leave this board and never post here. And let's set the record straight. Many of the people who started coming here were from Heartchoice boards and we came here because Kristen invited us. I never questioned why was she taking us away from Heartchoice where we were getting the same type of support. Now, that I have created a forum and invited others to come, it is as if I am sinning for goodness sake for starting a different forum. Who cares? I invite you, and you chose not to come. I'm okay with that. I don't think any lesser of anyone because they do not want to visit. That's okay with me. I believe in diversity. I appreciate your differing opinions. That's great! This is a great outlet for you or you wouldn't be here reading these posts as you are now or posting for everyone to read.



#2 I am not sure why people think I or others are so offended because we created a Christian forum. It sounds like others are offended because the forum was set up. I mean, if you go to several other forums, it does not affect me in the least. Does it affect you? Does it really matter if you get my input on things. If I don't give you my 2 cents worth, someone will. So, what kind of support are we looking for? I have something in common with other Christians and sometimes hearing their thoughts on how to handle situations directs me in a way I feel I should be going in. Anyway, being a Christian isn't really my point. My point is just because I set up another forum doesn't mean I am trying to take away from this group.



#3 I am in no way trying to hurt anyone. I am flattered you even think I am. You must think a lot of me to allow me to hurt you or anyone. I guess I am saying in essense that I am a nobody. What could I possibly say to help you? What does it matter that people are posting somewhere else? If I hadn't said anything and was posting somewhere else, would you have cared then, even if others from this diverse group were posting as well?



Janet, I appreicate your point-of-view. I am not necessarily leaving? And we would never leave because of you? Isn't that weird how we all think we have written something that has offended someone. If anyone has offended anyone, I am sure it would be me. No matter how well I try to put my thoughts on paper, it turns around and sounds like I am being judgmental or something. I just can't win in a sense. ~smiles~



Anyway, now I don't feel like I should be posting as it seems that anything I am involved with turns out to be controversial somehow, someway. So, it probably will be better if I just step aside and let things be. I hope I haven't ruined anyone's day or hurt anyone's feelings or stepped on anyone's toes. I do think a lot of medical spouses as I feel from our posts we are all very strong-willed people! God Bless Us!





Christy

All I can say is that "Birds of a Feather, Flock Together." It is interesting to hear from different angles of life, however, when seeking support some people find it among those they can best relate to. For example, if you have a child with a disability you are going to seek support most likely. You will find a lot of interesting support from those sites that have adults with that disability, however, in many areas you will find that support lacking. You may find it necessary to find additional support in a "subgroup" that is for parents of children with that disability. Because different groups deal with the same issue in modified ways based upon their points of view in life. How do I know this? Well the above example of a parent with a child who has physical ailments is my own.

Take Janet for example. She is a mommy and she could choose to join a mommy support group. Suppose this group had 5 mothers in it with singletons and 3 with twins. As a mother of twins she would find shared experiences and related outlooks among those of her life experience. She would probably gain a lot of support from the mommy group, but she would find additional support among a mommy of twins group. Since I have twins, also, I think that I could say this applies to me as well.



Let's dispel this notion that grouping ourselves according to beliefs is bad. If that were so, political parties, churches, and many organizations would not exist. I have had the opportunity to visit a number of military support sites and lurk (as the wife of a future military doc). I have found a proliferation of these sites - all with their own "twist". I think that this would be an excellent future for support of physician and medical student wives. What's wrong with diversity among sites of support? And, keep in mind that people usually don't seperate themselves into "factions" in support groups and go to war across sites. That is not happening here, I think. This first break off might be uncomfortable to some, but it was inevitable and I am sure that more will follow as different groups of people find "subgroups" of support. For example, what if all of the spouses of surgical residents wanted to start up their own site, or what if a group of Jewish physician spouses wanted to have their own site, or even those who were in the military as doctor's wives having their own site? I see no problems here, myself! Only more diversity as Janet pointed out.

Thanks for clearing up one of my questions, Jennifer. I had thought when I visited the new message board that perhaps a bunch of people had decided to leave this board. I had to wonder if, in part, it was because I (not Christian or religious in any sense) had once posted a couple of times on the religious forum here. Or perhaps it was because others found me annoying. I don't know... Maybe? I did wonder if the people who were posting on the other board were no longer interested (or maybe never had really been interested) in my thoughts on medical spouse issues and the spinoff discussions we got into. I did wonder. I think that it is only natural to wonder, as our relationships are based on written communications and not accompanied by a warm smile or a response that would reassure someone that what you say has some value. In relationships like these, the metaphorical warm smiles and responses need to come through in words.



After thinking about it for only a short time, I didn't take it personally, even though the people posting on this site can, for the most part, be counted on two or three hands. I wouldn't want anyone to think I was doubting sincerity on their part. I was just very surprised at first. Perhaps having the Christian forum here was too public and some felt shy posting there. I have NO idea!



After reading your posts here and the rest of this thread, I am now seeing that maybe people won't leave, and that perhaps members of the other site will also be continuing to post here. That would be great, in my opinion! I do hope you find guidance at the other site. Obviously, I could never provide appropriate support to those seeking guidance in Christian medical marriages. However, I do hope my thoughts as a person can be helpful every once in a while on this board.

I understand why Kristen feels hurt and why Christy feels hurt. (Janet I don't understand why you would think you have insulted anyone! Although this is admirable that you watch yourself so closely.) Kristen, I don't think that this new site was intended as a personal slight, regardless of the way any posts came across. I read those posts as not having to do with you personally and more to do with a disagreement in approaching support for medical wives and concern that someone other than yourself was ruining the feeling of support here. It is quite possible that other people in the future will break off from your site. Look on this more of with pride, after all you kind of started it all (you have the "grandmother" of the sites). Christy, you have set up a site that now has specifics regarding what type of support you are offering. I am sure that you will be open to a wide variety of individuals who have read your rules and understand the nature of your site. I think the best thing you could do to dispel any feelings of animosity is to just keep up what you have been doing and that is to post wherever you please.



I am looking at all of this more from an optomistic standpoint that Christy's new site will provide even more support for medical wives in addition to Kristen's site and, in the end, those who run support boards put the support of their members first, right? So, I have no problem posting in any and all sites that I categorically may find support from. If anyone is bothered by it being a Christian site then they have the happy choice of not posting there. There are some people who don't post at this site because they are bothered by some of the things that are on it. Well, more power to them because they also have the happy choice of not posting here. I guess my point is, everyone has differing views of life and their own opinions. We have the wonderful opportunity in our lives to choose the company we keep. Kristen and Christy and all else who might be hurt - keep in mind that other people's choices are their own, if you are hurt let it slide off of your back. That is my advice.

I am not hurt that the new site went up...as I said, I think it is great...what I objected to was the negative talk about my website and the fact that it was sort of "shrouded in secrecy"....I think, Christy, that you are being too hypersensitive about this...If the initial posts on your site hadn't been so negative I doubt that anyone would have thought anything other than the fact that a new christian forum was going up....



I also like the fact that someone else will have the opportunity to see how difficult it is to be the moderator of a forum...I know that you are already experiencing this because posts have already been deleted, etc...and I remember how scandelous this was when I did it....(I guess I paved the way! )...Also, posts have been deleted from this forum.



I never invited anyone to this website, by the way, only to my email discussion group.



Kristen



However, I am not going to hold onto this...and I am moving on....I think that your site will be great....



Kris

[Lisa]

Who left Kristen's site because of Christy's? Maybe I haven't been keeping up with everyone so well lately, but from what I've seen, everyone who is posting at Christy's site is still posting here with the exception of Devera, who left months ago because of something else.



I am disappointed that ill will still exists about this as I thought that everything had been aired out and settled. Whatever was said that was negative on Christy's site had nothing to do with Kristen in particular or this site in particular. It was primarily concerning something outside the realm of Kristen's control. She did not cause it nor could she stop it. It was a problem, for some, that began before this site was even formed. This issue affected this site, but it wasn't *about* this site. Whatever negative posts that were erased were done after everyone involved was consulted and gave a unanimous opinion on having those posts erased. There were no problems from anyone concerning that decision.



I have not heard a complaint from anyone about "diversity". I don't know why the accusation that people are having problems with it are being made. Obviously, everyone is still posting here (especially after seeing this thread), so what's the big deal? Why can't we move on from this?



As Jason said, "Geez!"