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So... I just got the new quarter edline reports-- and guess what. Shocker of shocker, Kate has managed to not turn in a SINGLE completed math assignment. We have been checking her work every night since the new quarter started. This on advice from a doctor whom we consulted for Kate's *anxious* behaviors... We were to check her work every night, and if she completed her work, she could use the internet OR talk on the phone until 9 pm. This *instant gratification* was supposed to ease her anxiety over schoolwork. She, in turn, agreed to complete the work, get more organized with all her assignments, upcoming tests, etc., and turn in her work at school...
So, since she knows there's a lag time between when the new quarter starts and when I get the edline report, she gave herself a long break from turning in the work. Apparently turning in the assignments is just too *taxing*. And of course, we've seen some assignments, because that was her ticket to internet use, but who knows what assignments they were.
Now I'm back to square one. I'm so disappointed, angry, fed up... I know what her next play is- if I take away internet and phone, as we agreed before the quarter started, she'll develop these same *anxiety* behaviors again. (I'm talking about cutting and making herself throw up.) That leaves me with removing the door to her room? Boarding school? Seriously. I'm so sick of this.
She is a master manipulator, and I'm just exhausted. She talks to me constantly, too much, about her boyfriend, her friends, etc., etc. She promises this and that, and breaks the promise without a moment's hesitation. She just thinks that I'm going to keep on driving her all over town for all her events, and she doesn't have to do anything except for promise me that she'll do better. The only time when we were sticking to a really harsh, but fair, discipline plan, she started cutting. I have given all of myself to this child. She gets about 80% of my energy and attention. I just feel like arranging a marriage for her (she's 13, so it's legal somewhere) and letting her have her *freedom* of adult life that she thinks she's entitled to.
I already have changed in my attitude toward her. I will not allow her to apply to a magnet program to stay with her friends in high school. She's going to our local school. I don't care if it's *scary* or whatever. It's within walking distance and 2 bus lines, not to mention the school bus. No more of this insane driving her across town in rush hour traffic. That's no way for the other kids to spend their childhoods- stuck in the car driving an ungrateful, bratty teenager here and there.
She's not going to use the internet or the phone for the rest of the school year. If she starts cutting, we'll get her into counseling right away and remove the door to her room.
If she doesn't change her habits and turn in her assignments regularly (one or two misses is probably inevitable, but it is insane to miss every assignment), she's not going to do any extra-curriculars next year.
Grrr. She has awakened the dragon. I am so down with rational conversations and contracts and meeting her halfway... She has a long way to go before I can trust her again. I didn't really trust her before, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt... Just... no more.
The other kids need some more of me. They really do. Steven and Isabel are in 2nd grade-and we had issues with Kate not turning in work and being, in general, a total manipulative PITA back then. We don't have any of the same issues with any of the other kids, yet. I need to invest a bit more energy and time on them to keep them from deciding the way to get more of my attention is to emulate the self-destructive patterns of their sister...
Blah... It is going to suck around here for a long time.
So, since she knows there's a lag time between when the new quarter starts and when I get the edline report, she gave herself a long break from turning in the work. Apparently turning in the assignments is just too *taxing*. And of course, we've seen some assignments, because that was her ticket to internet use, but who knows what assignments they were.
Now I'm back to square one. I'm so disappointed, angry, fed up... I know what her next play is- if I take away internet and phone, as we agreed before the quarter started, she'll develop these same *anxiety* behaviors again. (I'm talking about cutting and making herself throw up.) That leaves me with removing the door to her room? Boarding school? Seriously. I'm so sick of this.
She is a master manipulator, and I'm just exhausted. She talks to me constantly, too much, about her boyfriend, her friends, etc., etc. She promises this and that, and breaks the promise without a moment's hesitation. She just thinks that I'm going to keep on driving her all over town for all her events, and she doesn't have to do anything except for promise me that she'll do better. The only time when we were sticking to a really harsh, but fair, discipline plan, she started cutting. I have given all of myself to this child. She gets about 80% of my energy and attention. I just feel like arranging a marriage for her (she's 13, so it's legal somewhere) and letting her have her *freedom* of adult life that she thinks she's entitled to.
I already have changed in my attitude toward her. I will not allow her to apply to a magnet program to stay with her friends in high school. She's going to our local school. I don't care if it's *scary* or whatever. It's within walking distance and 2 bus lines, not to mention the school bus. No more of this insane driving her across town in rush hour traffic. That's no way for the other kids to spend their childhoods- stuck in the car driving an ungrateful, bratty teenager here and there.
She's not going to use the internet or the phone for the rest of the school year. If she starts cutting, we'll get her into counseling right away and remove the door to her room.
If she doesn't change her habits and turn in her assignments regularly (one or two misses is probably inevitable, but it is insane to miss every assignment), she's not going to do any extra-curriculars next year.
Grrr. She has awakened the dragon. I am so down with rational conversations and contracts and meeting her halfway... She has a long way to go before I can trust her again. I didn't really trust her before, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt... Just... no more.
The other kids need some more of me. They really do. Steven and Isabel are in 2nd grade-and we had issues with Kate not turning in work and being, in general, a total manipulative PITA back then. We don't have any of the same issues with any of the other kids, yet. I need to invest a bit more energy and time on them to keep them from deciding the way to get more of my attention is to emulate the self-destructive patterns of their sister...
Blah... It is going to suck around here for a long time.
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