What we had....

Well, I am thinking back to when we started residency...many moons ago.....I know that my husband and his peers actually went on a weekend retreat to get to know each other and get settled in. There were many opportunities for us to go out in the evenings with the others initially...but because we had just moved in and had no babysitter and small children, it meant that I stayed home with the kids...It was like this for many of the female spouses.



The local resident's spouse group had a meeting after we had been there for several weeks and we all were introduced to each other...but it was difficult for many to attend if they had children and their spouse had call....



I think that it would have been useful to have a get-together (childcare provided) that talked about coping strategies, feelings that were normal (because I think we were all afraid to tell each other how we felt at times because of how it "looked"), and I think just some things to help us really bond with each other (the spouses) would have been great. As it was, the women broke up into little cliques and there was much strife and unhappiness between the groups.



I don't think that it would have helped to come in and say "this is going to be the hardest time in your life and the divorce rate is X " etc, etc...



It might have been nice to meet a year into residency again to see how everyone was doing and have another meeting about coping strategies, find out what everyone has been up to, etc, etc.....and give people an opportunity then for honest dialogue about their feelings and problems...and offer solutions.



I'm not helping, am I?



Kris
The Medical Spouse Network

on the contrary you are indeed helpful--I also want to stay clear of the divorce rates--tough years-blah blah blah-but also be informative so it does not have to be AS hard as it has been for so many.



I love the idea of coping strategies however that is wonderful



thanks

[houseelf]

Wow. Honestly, residency has been ....different (a mild euphemism) than what we expected. In order to cope, I have tried to cultivate relationships with other spouses but the logistics of our hubby's schedules, childcare, living on opposite side of town, etc. all impede this. I found out, after the fact, that one surgical intern's wife WHO HAILS FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY was on pregnancy related BEDREST during the bulk of her husband's intern year! I felt awful. I could have brought over movies, Ben and Jerry's ice cream, my reckless toddler.... You get the picture. Here were two "transplants" who could have had a great time together but instead, we slugged through the intern year on our own.



There is a definite need to talk about this experience. But, how do speak about these intimate things with people that you just met--especially since your husband works with their spouses? Being the resourceful types that we are, we turn to the internet. Here too, the emotions run high and people cope in divergent ways. I think that we all worry that we will be judged for what we say. If we didn't give a damn, why would we spend hours talking to strangers about the things closest to our hearts? If I confess in vivid detail that some days are horrendous, will this get back to my hubby? He would be horrified! And yet, I need to know how you all get through and share my experience too. Somehow these postings find their way in to my heart as we get through this collective experience called "residency".



Kelly

[DCJenn]

We had a weekend getaway last year as well. It was quite nice except that there were no planned spouse activities- so we all kinda floundered and they all went to their 'team-building' exercises.



I think I'll suggest to the planners that they allow for the spouses to have a time together kind of event.



Anyway- I always wonder if anyone else that he works with is here- but then again- if they were, what difference would it really make? I don't know- I guess that's why it's all based on trust. And passwords.