Sleep overs

I wanted to get your opinions about letting your kids go over to other children's homes for sleep overs. My sister-in-law and I were talking about this and she has a set rule that her children never sleep at any of their friends homes. She feels that with the way society has become, you just don't always know what a child's home life is actually like. She lets the kids play in the daytime but not spend the night.



I have mixed feelings about this. I have let Jacob spend the night at a couple of friend's homes and now I kind of wish I hadn't set a precedent. I like the parents and the boys but I don't always approve of the movies or video games they let their kids play. And there is that paranoia of wondering if I REALLY know the parents well enough.



I have both good and bad memories of staying with friends growing up. One of my friends was verbally abused which I didn't know until I spent the night. It was the longest night and I was scared silly. I never went again. But ... I also have had GREAT times with friends. Just curious to hear what you all think.



Robin

Some of my best childhood memories involved sleepovers at friend's houses...I don't know that society has changed so much...I think that we are just too busy to get to know our neighbors and our children's friends ...does that sound harsh?



My mom worked outside of the home full-time as a nurse (Go Nurses!!) and she also knew my good friend's parents pretty well....We had neighborhood picnics where people met and talked...and if she wanted to get to know a friend's parents better then she....invited them over.....I always felt that those friends and families were like an extension of my own family...does that sound weird?



I think there is nothing wrong with agreeing to a sleepover but making it clear to the other parent that there will be no blood and guts movies or videogames....and making your child aware of the same.



I had a friend who was in an alcoholic home and when I spent the night at her house we also had some problems...and so the solution was that from then on she got to sleep over at my house on those occasional weekend nights....and it worked out fine......



I don't know, Robin... that is my .02...although I don't think it added much?!



BTW,



At what age do sleepovers usually start?



Kris

[Meenah]

Well,

What an interesting topic. As an ER nurse I always asked the one question noone ever wated to. Are there any guns in the house? It really didn't matter how they were stored, if there were guns, my kids weren't going to play there. This is an important question for not only sleepovers, but just being at another childs home. People usually looked at me as if I were crazy.. I always like to have the sleepovers at my house, unless I really knew the families.

Now that my girls and their frineds drive, I also ask if there will be access to a car.



Hope I made you all feel so much calmer!!!!!!!



Luanne

Thanks for your comments and sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. Luanne, that is a VERY important point that you bring up about guns. I don't think I have ever asked that. Yikes!



When we were in Las Vegas a few weeks ago we stayed at my best friend's fiance's home. He had guns which were just put in a corner of his bedroom where anyone could get them. My kids didn't discover them until the last day and we had a LONG discussion about guns. It is easy to assume that someone doesn't have guns because they have kids, but obviously that is not the case. Thanks for the wake up call.



I will have to think about the whole sleepover thing some more. My son already wants to spend the night next weekend at the same friend's house. I have such mixed feelings. I wish I adored this boy instead of just tolerating him. He likes to push things to the limit. Jacob is very level headed and keeps his friend more cautious. Jacob has a tendency to have an attitude after being with Ben for any length of time. Sigh .... just another pesky problem to work out.



Robin

[Meenah]

Robin,

I think I have to agree with your sister-in-law. My children are much older than yours, but I still cannot think of ONE good reason why my kids shouldn't be at home in their own beds at bedtime. Carolione is in the 11th grade now, and they do have sleepovers, but if I could go back a few years, I wouldn't allow them to sleep out. I have to believe that if the curfew is 12 midnight, then be HOME at 12 midnight. Anything they think they need to be doing after 12 is probably not a good idea anyway!!

Luanne