Overprotective Mom?

Jennifer,



This is a huge adjustment for both of you. I think all moms are overprotective and you have had more time to figure out what will work for your baby. But, your husband needs a chance to do that too. I would back off on the suggestions of how to take care of the baby until he asks. He may just need some time to figure it out on his own. I would especially give him more private time with the baby when the baby is happy. Don't run out immediately if you hear the baby cry. Give him a chance to help. It is amazing to me how different my husband and I do things and that sometimes my way worked better with the baby and other times his way worked better.



After having four babies, I am not nearly as overprotective as I used to be. I have learned that babies are much stronger than I realized, especially when their older brothers are trying to carry them around! Scary! I never left my babies with a babysitter besides grandparents either, not until my last baby but that was because my oldest son would be able to tell me if there were any problems while we were gone.



There is definitely no absolute right way to raise a child and each child is so different in personality that you do things different with each one. It will all work out, just keep doing your best and give your husband a chance to figure out the best thing for him to do. It has to be frustrating to him to have the baby crying most of the time that he is around! I know I would get frustrated with my husband when I had done everything I could think of to make the baby happy and Russ would come in and pick the baby up and the baby stopped crying immediately! One of our boys was a total daddy boy.



Hang in there. This is a learning process for all of you! Good luck!

Robin

[Phoebe]

Am a control freak when it comes to my daughter or what? I am wondering if any other mothers have felt this way with their newborns and if anyone has any suggestions.



I spend all day with my daughter caring for her in the way that seems to work best for both of us. I am finding that I feel nervous and when others are taking care of her. My mom is the only person who I feel completely comfortable with watching our baby. This may be natural, but what concerns me is how it is affecting my husband. He sees our daughter most often in the evenings when she is fussy and he is tired. Almost everytime I go off to have some personal time or get something done around the house with the baby in my husband's care, she fusses or cries. I don't relax or feel like I can leave the room because he may handle things differently or get anxious with her fussiness. I find myself making suggestions or telling him what to do to soothe her because sometimes he just lets her cry and I hate that. In a way, I think I am impeding his self confidence in caring for our baby and he thinks I am a know-it-all and he makes fun of the books that I refer to.



I do feel bad that he doesn't get to see our daughter during her happier moments. It is almost a self-fulfilling prophecy everytime I try to do something around the house that the baby will cry. Then, I hover over my husband to make sure he doesn't just let her cry or get frustrated because she won't stop.



My husband is a great dad and wouldn't do anything to hurt our baby, but I am not as relaxed as he is. I am wondering if I should back off and let him deal with her in his own way. It caused a big argument for us tonight. I was on our treadmill when he yelled at me that she was screaming. I took that as he didn't want to deal with her, I got mad at him and tried to take over the situation. Then he thinks that I think I know everything about parenting which is the farthest thing from the truth. All this happens because he is exhausted from the work day.



I am second guessing myself and my husband and it feels terrible.



Jennifer

I'm chuckling with you, Jennifer...For some reason, before my first was born, I started making everyone "practice" with a stuffed monkey that Thomas had bought for him...I was suddenly really nervous that someone would drop him and so I was pretty protective...I really think I drove my mom nuts! I pretty much dictated what was fed to him (which was breastmilk...pumped if the grandma's fed him) and my mother-in-law resorted in sneaking all kinds of babyfood into her house to feed him. At the time, I was livid..though I see now that she just wanted to share in more of the experience.



We didn't go out on a 'date' again until Andrew was 9 months old, and then I interviewed this 15 year old girl with her mother sitting there in our living room I still laugh now when I think about it!!! Of course, she turned out to be like family, and we name our daughter after her...but....I know exactly what you are going through...and I think it is normal! Don't sweat it, and enjoy these years as much as you can!!!!!!!!!!



Kris