double whammy?

hi y'all!

what a great site...i'm sure i'm going to be stopping by frequently.

i have a not-so-rare scenario, but i wanted to get some of your opinions. my boyfriend of 3 years is going to be starting med school in the fall. what makes this interesting is that i'm applying for med school for 2001. neither of us have any idea what (or when) to do about marriage/family. it's a priority for both of us...it's very tempting sometimes to say "forget about med school" and go for something less stressful. i should also probably mention that i'll probably end up on the west coast (where my family lives), and he's going to school on the east coast.

well, all the advice i've received so far has been along the lines of "if you truly love each other, it'll work out." i think things will work out, but if any one has any suggestions/advice/hope for me, that would be wonderful. thanks so much.

take care,

--amy

hi y'all!

what a great site...i'm sure i'm going to be stopping by frequently.

i have a not-so-rare scenario, but i wanted to get some of your opinions. my boyfriend of 3 years is going to be starting med school in the fall. what makes this interesting is that i'm applying for med school for 2001. neither of us have any idea what (or when) to do about marriage/family. it's a priority for both of us...it's very tempting sometimes to say "forget about med school" and go for something less stressful. i should also probably mention that i'll probably end up on the west coast (where my family lives), and he's going to school on the east coast.

well, all the advice i've received so far has been along the lines of "if you truly love each other, it'll work out." i think things will work out, but if any one has any suggestions/advice/hope for me, that would be wonderful. thanks so much.

take care,

--amy

hi y'all!

what a great site...i'm sure i'm going to be stopping by frequently.

i have a not-so-rare scenario, but i wanted to get some of your opinions. my boyfriend of 3 years is going to be starting med school in the fall. what makes this interesting is that i'm applying for med school for 2001. neither of us have any idea what (or when) to do about marriage/family. it's a priority for both of us...it's very tempting sometimes to say "forget about med school" and go for something less stressful. i should also probably mention that i'll probably end up on the west coast (where my family lives), and he's going to school on the east coast.

well, all the advice i've received so far has been along the lines of "if you truly love each other, it'll work out." i think things will work out, but if any one has any suggestions/advice/hope for me, that would be wonderful. thanks so much.

take care,

--amy

Well, I have two comments on the starting a family part of your problem. The first is that there are certain times during med school that are easier to have kids during than others. I would find out your specific medical school's four year schedule and PLAN down to the week when you would give birth should you go ahead with maternity plans during med school. Our school also gives a year long leave of absense in between any of the years for personal reasons. My husband was accepted and then immediately took the year long leave because he didn't want to be in the first year when I gave birth to our first child. It is doable, hard, but doable. I actually know a few medical students who were pregnant and gave birth during med school. Now, and this leads in to my second comment, all of these female students had IMMENSE help - physically and emotionally from their spouses. My second thought on this is that you would find having a child (especially your first) highly difficult as a medical student whose spouse lived on the other coast. You would have to pretty much consider yourself a single parent. In that way, living near or with your family would be a VERY good idea (as long as the whole plan was OK with your husband). There are about a thousand different ways to go about medical school and having a family. I am sure you will find something that works for you. Once you have been accepted you might want to seek out some medical student moms at your school and find out their arrangements. If you could find a medical student or two who were single parents that would perhaps be even more beneficial and supportive for you. Good luck!



Jennifer

Well, I have two comments on the starting a family part of your problem. The first is that there are certain times during med school that are easier to have kids during than others. I would find out your specific medical school's four year schedule and PLAN down to the week when you would give birth should you go ahead with maternity plans during med school. Our school also gives a year long leave of absense in between any of the years for personal reasons. My husband was accepted and then immediately took the year long leave because he didn't want to be in the first year when I gave birth to our first child. It is doable, hard, but doable. I actually know a few medical students who were pregnant and gave birth during med school. Now, and this leads in to my second comment, all of these female students had IMMENSE help - physically and emotionally from their spouses. My second thought on this is that you would find having a child (especially your first) highly difficult as a medical student whose spouse lived on the other coast. You would have to pretty much consider yourself a single parent. In that way, living near or with your family would be a VERY good idea (as long as the whole plan was OK with your husband). There are about a thousand different ways to go about medical school and having a family. I am sure you will find something that works for you. Once you have been accepted you might want to seek out some medical student moms at your school and find out their arrangements. If you could find a medical student or two who were single parents that would perhaps be even more beneficial and supportive for you. Good luck!



Jennifer

Well, I have two comments on the starting a family part of your problem. The first is that there are certain times during med school that are easier to have kids during than others. I would find out your specific medical school's four year schedule and PLAN down to the week when you would give birth should you go ahead with maternity plans during med school. Our school also gives a year long leave of absense in between any of the years for personal reasons. My husband was accepted and then immediately took the year long leave because he didn't want to be in the first year when I gave birth to our first child. It is doable, hard, but doable. I actually know a few medical students who were pregnant and gave birth during med school. Now, and this leads in to my second comment, all of these female students had IMMENSE help - physically and emotionally from their spouses. My second thought on this is that you would find having a child (especially your first) highly difficult as a medical student whose spouse lived on the other coast. You would have to pretty much consider yourself a single parent. In that way, living near or with your family would be a VERY good idea (as long as the whole plan was OK with your husband). There are about a thousand different ways to go about medical school and having a family. I am sure you will find something that works for you. Once you have been accepted you might want to seek out some medical student moms at your school and find out their arrangements. If you could find a medical student or two who were single parents that would perhaps be even more beneficial and supportive for you. Good luck!



Jennifer

Hi Amy...welcome!!

I went thru the long distance relationship you will be going thru.My husband lived on the west coast and i lived on the east.For us the hardest thing was NOT being with each other...it just about killed us!He had his own private practcie there which he had built up for years but he gave that all up to marry me and move here.Selling the practice was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.Then he had to find a new job here on the east coast.The stress on us both was just terrible.But when you love someone...anything is possible!It's all worked out now but i don't know that we've recovered from the stress of it yet.

Lynn

Hi Amy...welcome!!

I went thru the long distance relationship you will be going thru.My husband lived on the west coast and i lived on the east.For us the hardest thing was NOT being with each other...it just about killed us!He had his own private practcie there which he had built up for years but he gave that all up to marry me and move here.Selling the practice was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.Then he had to find a new job here on the east coast.The stress on us both was just terrible.But when you love someone...anything is possible!It's all worked out now but i don't know that we've recovered from the stress of it yet.

Lynn

Hi Amy...welcome!!

I went thru the long distance relationship you will be going thru.My husband lived on the west coast and i lived on the east.For us the hardest thing was NOT being with each other...it just about killed us!He had his own private practcie there which he had built up for years but he gave that all up to marry me and move here.Selling the practice was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.Then he had to find a new job here on the east coast.The stress on us both was just terrible.But when you love someone...anything is possible!It's all worked out now but i don't know that we've recovered from the stress of it yet.

Lynn

welcome amy!!



what a tough situation - you are in my thoughts! but there is always a solution to every situation that is the best for everyone.



i am in a long distance relationship right now. my fiance is in his second year of surgical residency about 12 hours from here. i'm finishing up my last semester of grad school (in a field completely opposite of medicine) and we are getting married in august, after which i will move in with him. so, as far as being apart is concerned, i think it depends on the people. it's been really tough on us - we've made it and we are both really proud of how "well" we've done at this long distance thing but it's rough. you just can't talk to him like you would if you were in the same house for a few hours each night. it helps that i have school (and you would have med school) to keep me busy but wow - when i'm not busy, i MISS him dearly.



as far as family, hmmmm...everyone on this board knows that i have opinions from my family seminar that i took this past semester i'm from the school of thought that believes you should wait awhile to have kids, even if you have been dating for several years. i think you should give your marriage time to grow and deepen and really form that deep deep bond with your husband before having another very demanding human enter the picture. i am in awe of couples in which both have medical careers - one of my fiance's co-worker's wife is starting residency next year. and i just think wow -- because in all honesty, i know that they will have little to *no* time to spend together, and if a child were to enter that picture - wow!! i think one person has to be willing to take an "easier" route for awhile...for instance, i just can't believe that two people could do a surgery residency together *and* have kids *and* have a fantastic marriage...i mean i guess anything is possible but it seems like too much for two human beings to take.



this is just my opinion!! so please don't be offended by anything....great to have you here!!!

welcome amy!!



what a tough situation - you are in my thoughts! but there is always a solution to every situation that is the best for everyone.



i am in a long distance relationship right now. my fiance is in his second year of surgical residency about 12 hours from here. i'm finishing up my last semester of grad school (in a field completely opposite of medicine) and we are getting married in august, after which i will move in with him. so, as far as being apart is concerned, i think it depends on the people. it's been really tough on us - we've made it and we are both really proud of how "well" we've done at this long distance thing but it's rough. you just can't talk to him like you would if you were in the same house for a few hours each night. it helps that i have school (and you would have med school) to keep me busy but wow - when i'm not busy, i MISS him dearly.



as far as family, hmmmm...everyone on this board knows that i have opinions from my family seminar that i took this past semester i'm from the school of thought that believes you should wait awhile to have kids, even if you have been dating for several years. i think you should give your marriage time to grow and deepen and really form that deep deep bond with your husband before having another very demanding human enter the picture. i am in awe of couples in which both have medical careers - one of my fiance's co-worker's wife is starting residency next year. and i just think wow -- because in all honesty, i know that they will have little to *no* time to spend together, and if a child were to enter that picture - wow!! i think one person has to be willing to take an "easier" route for awhile...for instance, i just can't believe that two people could do a surgery residency together *and* have kids *and* have a fantastic marriage...i mean i guess anything is possible but it seems like too much for two human beings to take.



this is just my opinion!! so please don't be offended by anything....great to have you here!!!

welcome amy!!



what a tough situation - you are in my thoughts! but there is always a solution to every situation that is the best for everyone.



i am in a long distance relationship right now. my fiance is in his second year of surgical residency about 12 hours from here. i'm finishing up my last semester of grad school (in a field completely opposite of medicine) and we are getting married in august, after which i will move in with him. so, as far as being apart is concerned, i think it depends on the people. it's been really tough on us - we've made it and we are both really proud of how "well" we've done at this long distance thing but it's rough. you just can't talk to him like you would if you were in the same house for a few hours each night. it helps that i have school (and you would have med school) to keep me busy but wow - when i'm not busy, i MISS him dearly.



as far as family, hmmmm...everyone on this board knows that i have opinions from my family seminar that i took this past semester i'm from the school of thought that believes you should wait awhile to have kids, even if you have been dating for several years. i think you should give your marriage time to grow and deepen and really form that deep deep bond with your husband before having another very demanding human enter the picture. i am in awe of couples in which both have medical careers - one of my fiance's co-worker's wife is starting residency next year. and i just think wow -- because in all honesty, i know that they will have little to *no* time to spend together, and if a child were to enter that picture - wow!! i think one person has to be willing to take an "easier" route for awhile...for instance, i just can't believe that two people could do a surgery residency together *and* have kids *and* have a fantastic marriage...i mean i guess anything is possible but it seems like too much for two human beings to take.



this is just my opinion!! so please don't be offended by anything....great to have you here!!!

I know a couple who met in med school, got married and then took residencies on the opposite coast from one another (Cali and NY). They were apart for at least 4 years - finally got back in the same city last year and are still doing well. So it has been done.



But then again I have seen it where it has not worked out so well - whether they were together in the same city or not. Med school is not something to be taken lightly. It is a life changing experience. I have watched my husband and his classmates change substantially over the past four years. They have gotten married, gotten divorced, gotten engaged, called it off, changed religions, had kids and had to split a year, seen a classmate die, seen a classmate drop out. You name it they've been though it. Fortunately for me, my husband and I changed together and not apart.



My personal recommendation. Grad school, your first job out of undergrad and especially Med school changes who you are as a person. They are one of the last major defining experiences in your life. I would highly suggest waiting to get married. Don't do it just to ensure the relationship will last. You are at a point in your life where you will change as a person - and especially in med school. I would do your thing, keep working on the relationship - see how it goes and then if your still together after the four years then give it a go.



Best of luck and keep us posted

I know a couple who met in med school, got married and then took residencies on the opposite coast from one another (Cali and NY). They were apart for at least 4 years - finally got back in the same city last year and are still doing well. So it has been done.



But then again I have seen it where it has not worked out so well - whether they were together in the same city or not. Med school is not something to be taken lightly. It is a life changing experience. I have watched my husband and his classmates change substantially over the past four years. They have gotten married, gotten divorced, gotten engaged, called it off, changed religions, had kids and had to split a year, seen a classmate die, seen a classmate drop out. You name it they've been though it. Fortunately for me, my husband and I changed together and not apart.



My personal recommendation. Grad school, your first job out of undergrad and especially Med school changes who you are as a person. They are one of the last major defining experiences in your life. I would highly suggest waiting to get married. Don't do it just to ensure the relationship will last. You are at a point in your life where you will change as a person - and especially in med school. I would do your thing, keep working on the relationship - see how it goes and then if your still together after the four years then give it a go.



Best of luck and keep us posted

I know a couple who met in med school, got married and then took residencies on the opposite coast from one another (Cali and NY). They were apart for at least 4 years - finally got back in the same city last year and are still doing well. So it has been done.



But then again I have seen it where it has not worked out so well - whether they were together in the same city or not. Med school is not something to be taken lightly. It is a life changing experience. I have watched my husband and his classmates change substantially over the past four years. They have gotten married, gotten divorced, gotten engaged, called it off, changed religions, had kids and had to split a year, seen a classmate die, seen a classmate drop out. You name it they've been though it. Fortunately for me, my husband and I changed together and not apart.



My personal recommendation. Grad school, your first job out of undergrad and especially Med school changes who you are as a person. They are one of the last major defining experiences in your life. I would highly suggest waiting to get married. Don't do it just to ensure the relationship will last. You are at a point in your life where you will change as a person - and especially in med school. I would do your thing, keep working on the relationship - see how it goes and then if your still together after the four years then give it a go.



Best of luck and keep us posted