Ever feel like you're just not good enough?

[Lisa]

Like Claudia's, the annual ball where everyone is a surgeon and their spouse is "something" too. They are all talking about their important careers and invariably, someone notices that I'm not saying anything. They ask me what I do. "Well, I take care of my children". "Oh.....er.....well....um.....what do you do to keep busy?"



I not only feel quite inferior a lot of the time, but even embarrassed. Not at what I do, but at peoples' perceptions of what I do and why I do it. Why didn't my husband marry someone more ambitious? What's wrong with me that I can't get a *real* job? I must feel lucky to have "landed" a doctor that I could freeload off of.



Just offering a little commisseration, but no real advice on how to handle the inferior feelings.

[Lisa]

Like Claudia's, the annual ball where everyone is a surgeon and their spouse is "something" too. They are all talking about their important careers and invariably, someone notices that I'm not saying anything. They ask me what I do. "Well, I take care of my children". "Oh.....er.....well....um.....what do you do to keep busy?"



I not only feel quite inferior a lot of the time, but even embarrassed. Not at what I do, but at peoples' perceptions of what I do and why I do it. Why didn't my husband marry someone more ambitious? What's wrong with me that I can't get a *real* job? I must feel lucky to have "landed" a doctor that I could freeload off of.



Just offering a little commisseration, but no real advice on how to handle the inferior feelings.

[Lisa]

Like Claudia's, the annual ball where everyone is a surgeon and their spouse is "something" too. They are all talking about their important careers and invariably, someone notices that I'm not saying anything. They ask me what I do. "Well, I take care of my children". "Oh.....er.....well....um.....what do you do to keep busy?"



I not only feel quite inferior a lot of the time, but even embarrassed. Not at what I do, but at peoples' perceptions of what I do and why I do it. Why didn't my husband marry someone more ambitious? What's wrong with me that I can't get a *real* job? I must feel lucky to have "landed" a doctor that I could freeload off of.



Just offering a little commisseration, but no real advice on how to handle the inferior feelings.

Gosh, Lisa, I can really sympathize with that one. I remember when we were at a big dinner one night after we had started residency. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and all of the wives were nurses, scientists, teachers and one was an attorney. The big question came around "what do you do?"....stumble, stutter....of course, now I feel inferior to stay-at-home moms because I am working part-time...I guess the grass is always greener .



I have noticed that when we get together with other docs there is often an attitude that really no other profession is quite as "nobel" as that of the physician...It kind of gets on my nerves when it comes from my spouse. We had a discussion about it a few weeks ago and I pointed out how important all of the other professions/careers were... ie..if there was no one to work at the grocery store then how would we go in and buy our food, if no one worked at the gas station how would we get gas? He looked at me as if I had told him something that he had never thought of before......maybe he hadn't?



I, myself, don't have the self-confidence that some of the other spouses seem to have...I often feel inferior then to the professional spouses for their knowledge and the courage to push onward in their careers in the face of criticsm, the stay-at-home moms for their endurance and creativity and ability to stay-at-home in the face of the lack of appreciation and the physicians too....I think these feelings of inferiority probably affect my interactions as well.....hmmmmmm



Interesting topic.



Kris

Gosh, Lisa, I can really sympathize with that one. I remember when we were at a big dinner one night after we had started residency. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and all of the wives were nurses, scientists, teachers and one was an attorney. The big question came around "what do you do?"....stumble, stutter....of course, now I feel inferior to stay-at-home moms because I am working part-time...I guess the grass is always greener .



I have noticed that when we get together with other docs there is often an attitude that really no other profession is quite as "nobel" as that of the physician...It kind of gets on my nerves when it comes from my spouse. We had a discussion about it a few weeks ago and I pointed out how important all of the other professions/careers were... ie..if there was no one to work at the grocery store then how would we go in and buy our food, if no one worked at the gas station how would we get gas? He looked at me as if I had told him something that he had never thought of before......maybe he hadn't?



I, myself, don't have the self-confidence that some of the other spouses seem to have...I often feel inferior then to the professional spouses for their knowledge and the courage to push onward in their careers in the face of criticsm, the stay-at-home moms for their endurance and creativity and ability to stay-at-home in the face of the lack of appreciation and the physicians too....I think these feelings of inferiority probably affect my interactions as well.....hmmmmmm



Interesting topic.



Kris

Gosh, Lisa, I can really sympathize with that one. I remember when we were at a big dinner one night after we had started residency. I was a stay-at-home mom at the time and all of the wives were nurses, scientists, teachers and one was an attorney. The big question came around "what do you do?"....stumble, stutter....of course, now I feel inferior to stay-at-home moms because I am working part-time...I guess the grass is always greener .



I have noticed that when we get together with other docs there is often an attitude that really no other profession is quite as "nobel" as that of the physician...It kind of gets on my nerves when it comes from my spouse. We had a discussion about it a few weeks ago and I pointed out how important all of the other professions/careers were... ie..if there was no one to work at the grocery store then how would we go in and buy our food, if no one worked at the gas station how would we get gas? He looked at me as if I had told him something that he had never thought of before......maybe he hadn't?



I, myself, don't have the self-confidence that some of the other spouses seem to have...I often feel inferior then to the professional spouses for their knowledge and the courage to push onward in their careers in the face of criticsm, the stay-at-home moms for their endurance and creativity and ability to stay-at-home in the face of the lack of appreciation and the physicians too....I think these feelings of inferiority probably affect my interactions as well.....hmmmmmm



Interesting topic.



Kris

Lisa,



I am so surprised to hear you say that you feel inferior...or embarassed! Really, I couldn't believe it! I have to tell you that I so admire you for staying home with your boys and for the way that you support your husband. It never occurred to me that you might feel that way about yourself because I don't percieve you like that all. You impress me as being a strong, confident, capable mother.....and I have often envied your ability to cope....I just had to add that...



Kris

Lisa,



I am so surprised to hear you say that you feel inferior...or embarassed! Really, I couldn't believe it! I have to tell you that I so admire you for staying home with your boys and for the way that you support your husband. It never occurred to me that you might feel that way about yourself because I don't percieve you like that all. You impress me as being a strong, confident, capable mother.....and I have often envied your ability to cope....I just had to add that...



Kris

Lisa,



I am so surprised to hear you say that you feel inferior...or embarassed! Really, I couldn't believe it! I have to tell you that I so admire you for staying home with your boys and for the way that you support your husband. It never occurred to me that you might feel that way about yourself because I don't percieve you like that all. You impress me as being a strong, confident, capable mother.....and I have often envied your ability to cope....I just had to add that...



Kris

[Lisa]

Well sure, when I'm in a room full of ultra-educated mega-professionals and they're all talking about thermonuclear atomic isometric fusion or bioengineered ecomatter replication or the the research they're doing on monoclonal antibodies to the C-terminal peptide of pro-transforming growth factor-alpha (OK, that's all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I'm trying to make a point...)and then they turn to me and ask me what I do, expecting something exciting and brain-stimulating to come out of my mouth. Well, who wouldn't feel a little inferior? And the embarrassment comes from their reaction and the awkwardness I feel around them when they're all looking at me wondering how in the heck I managed to get into their group. I feel totally out of place.



I do feel like I'm a good mother to my kids and I am confident in my abilities as a mother, but people do not view what I do as something important. People view what I do as something easy. A lot of people feel that only someone with no talent would choose to stay at home with children all day. I wish I were more comfortable with not having the same kind of respect from people in society as someone with a professional career.

[Lisa]

Well sure, when I'm in a room full of ultra-educated mega-professionals and they're all talking about thermonuclear atomic isometric fusion or bioengineered ecomatter replication or the the research they're doing on monoclonal antibodies to the C-terminal peptide of pro-transforming growth factor-alpha (OK, that's all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I'm trying to make a point...)and then they turn to me and ask me what I do, expecting something exciting and brain-stimulating to come out of my mouth. Well, who wouldn't feel a little inferior? And the embarrassment comes from their reaction and the awkwardness I feel around them when they're all looking at me wondering how in the heck I managed to get into their group. I feel totally out of place.



I do feel like I'm a good mother to my kids and I am confident in my abilities as a mother, but people do not view what I do as something important. People view what I do as something easy. A lot of people feel that only someone with no talent would choose to stay at home with children all day. I wish I were more comfortable with not having the same kind of respect from people in society as someone with a professional career.

[Lisa]

Well sure, when I'm in a room full of ultra-educated mega-professionals and they're all talking about thermonuclear atomic isometric fusion or bioengineered ecomatter replication or the the research they're doing on monoclonal antibodies to the C-terminal peptide of pro-transforming growth factor-alpha (OK, that's all a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I'm trying to make a point...)and then they turn to me and ask me what I do, expecting something exciting and brain-stimulating to come out of my mouth. Well, who wouldn't feel a little inferior? And the embarrassment comes from their reaction and the awkwardness I feel around them when they're all looking at me wondering how in the heck I managed to get into their group. I feel totally out of place.



I do feel like I'm a good mother to my kids and I am confident in my abilities as a mother, but people do not view what I do as something important. People view what I do as something easy. A lot of people feel that only someone with no talent would choose to stay at home with children all day. I wish I were more comfortable with not having the same kind of respect from people in society as someone with a professional career.

Lisa,



How about this answer then...."I currently am balancing the roles of supporting the physiological and psychological development of my offspring as a specialist in early childhood development as well as my position as acting ceo and financial manager of an estate where I am involved in decisions regarding investments and spending."



I kind of like that! That ought to make people think.

Being a stay-at-home mom is a very important job and I think that you might find that many working moms talking about nuclear whatever are feeling insecure/guilty for not being home....like I said...the grass is always greener.





Kris

Lisa,



How about this answer then...."I currently am balancing the roles of supporting the physiological and psychological development of my offspring as a specialist in early childhood development as well as my position as acting ceo and financial manager of an estate where I am involved in decisions regarding investments and spending."



I kind of like that! That ought to make people think.

Being a stay-at-home mom is a very important job and I think that you might find that many working moms talking about nuclear whatever are feeling insecure/guilty for not being home....like I said...the grass is always greener.





Kris

Lisa,



How about this answer then...."I currently am balancing the roles of supporting the physiological and psychological development of my offspring as a specialist in early childhood development as well as my position as acting ceo and financial manager of an estate where I am involved in decisions regarding investments and spending."



I kind of like that! That ought to make people think.

Being a stay-at-home mom is a very important job and I think that you might find that many working moms talking about nuclear whatever are feeling insecure/guilty for not being home....like I said...the grass is always greener.





Kris