Feeling Depressed

Not sure where to begin. The past few weeks have been weird. We got a nanny 3 weeks ago which has helped out a bit with the load around the house during the work week(our son, cleaning and laundry). I am about to finish up a project at work which should hopefully give me a bit of a break to get more organized on that end. And my hubby just took his big licensing exam today so now that is out of the way.

But somehow I am still not happy with things. I can't figure out if its:
my job (do I want to be working or do I want to stay home with my son - requiring a major lifestyle adjustment and sale of current home due to the loss of our only "real" income)
the fact that we are away from "home", family and friends we grew up with since childhood(we are only 1.5 hours away and I am always going to visit or do work there)
the fact that my husband is never around
the fact that when my husband is around he doesn't do anything productive (help with laundry, finish drywalling the garage, attend to our son, clean up after himself, put away his clothes)
the fact that I have zero time with just my husband b/c we try to focus on our son since he misses daddy so much
the fact that the little time my husband is home we spend trying to get stuff done that has to be put off until we can do it together (eg picking out a new desk for the home office)
the fact that I have no time for myself
the fact that my hubby gets mad if I do something with our son (eg take him to the zoo) for the first time and he couldn't be there. (How many years does he expect me to put it off b/c he doesn't have the time to go?)

Sometimes I think about what my life would be life if I weren't married to him. Or if he were to do something besides surgery. (He wants to do academic reconstructive surgery which requires 2 years of research in the middle of a 5 year residency for a total of 7 years. Then he will have an additional 3 years of fellowship.) And I totally resent the fact that I had to move to a new state, leave my friends and family, and find a new job for his residency - meanwhile I am all alone having to do everything (work 50+ hours a week, pay bills, laundry, groceries, take care of our son, cook, etc). I feel like I have sacraficed everything and that its for nothing. Even once he is in practice (He won't be starting until the age of 40) he won't have the kind of time I'd like him to have for me and our kid(s). There is nothing wrong with him. I love him. I just hate his chosen profession. Not being a Dr. But wanting to be a super DR. Meaning a specialty where you basically have to choose your career over your family. It's BS.

I am a consultant and I gave up working for a particular firm so I didn't have to travel overseas, let alone domestically, anymore so we could have a family and a relationship. Why can't he compromise and do some type of surgery that doesn't require him to not be around. I feel like there is no point to sticking things out b/c they will never get better. And in the meantime I am missing out on a part of my life where I should be traveling and having fun. Going out with other couples and being a part of life. I am sick of not knowing if my hubby can go to our friend's weddings or parties or what not b/c he has to wait to see what his call schedule will be for the month. I am sick of not being able to go out and do things other people my age are doing. I almost feel like I have a roommate who is not around very often, but stops home to take a nap and pick up some clean clothes before heading out again.

It's not his fault. He really does try. He makes an effort. And I feel guilty when I tell him how I feel. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he has no time for counseling and really the problem isn't him or anything he can do anything about realistically. I just don't know what to think anymore. I am so sick and tired of the whole scene. I want a life already. I want to have fun and have a partner not another dependent. I want to be taken out and have fun. I want him to be interested in sex and being intimate. I want..

So am I being rediculous, selfish, a complete brat. ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Not sure where to begin. The past few weeks have been weird. We got a nanny 3 weeks ago which has helped out a bit with the load around the house during the work week(our son, cleaning and laundry). I am about to finish up a project at work which should hopefully give me a bit of a break to get more organized on that end. And my hubby just took his big licensing exam today so now that is out of the way.

But somehow I am still not happy with things. I can't figure out if its:
my job (do I want to be working or do I want to stay home with my son - requiring a major lifestyle adjustment and sale of current home due to the loss of our only "real" income)
the fact that we are away from "home", family and friends we grew up with since childhood(we are only 1.5 hours away and I am always going to visit or do work there)
the fact that my husband is never around
the fact that when my husband is around he doesn't do anything productive (help with laundry, finish drywalling the garage, attend to our son, clean up after himself, put away his clothes)
the fact that I have zero time with just my husband b/c we try to focus on our son since he misses daddy so much
the fact that the little time my husband is home we spend trying to get stuff done that has to be put off until we can do it together (eg picking out a new desk for the home office)
the fact that I have no time for myself
the fact that my hubby gets mad if I do something with our son (eg take him to the zoo) for the first time and he couldn't be there. (How many years does he expect me to put it off b/c he doesn't have the time to go?)

Sometimes I think about what my life would be life if I weren't married to him. Or if he were to do something besides surgery. (He wants to do academic reconstructive surgery which requires 2 years of research in the middle of a 5 year residency for a total of 7 years. Then he will have an additional 3 years of fellowship.) And I totally resent the fact that I had to move to a new state, leave my friends and family, and find a new job for his residency - meanwhile I am all alone having to do everything (work 50+ hours a week, pay bills, laundry, groceries, take care of our son, cook, etc). I feel like I have sacraficed everything and that its for nothing. Even once he is in practice (He won't be starting until the age of 40) he won't have the kind of time I'd like him to have for me and our kid(s). There is nothing wrong with him. I love him. I just hate his chosen profession. Not being a Dr. But wanting to be a super DR. Meaning a specialty where you basically have to choose your career over your family. It's BS.

I am a consultant and I gave up working for a particular firm so I didn't have to travel overseas, let alone domestically, anymore so we could have a family and a relationship. Why can't he compromise and do some type of surgery that doesn't require him to not be around. I feel like there is no point to sticking things out b/c they will never get better. And in the meantime I am missing out on a part of my life where I should be traveling and having fun. Going out with other couples and being a part of life. I am sick of not knowing if my hubby can go to our friend's weddings or parties or what not b/c he has to wait to see what his call schedule will be for the month. I am sick of not being able to go out and do things other people my age are doing. I almost feel like I have a roommate who is not around very often, but stops home to take a nap and pick up some clean clothes before heading out again.

It's not his fault. He really does try. He makes an effort. And I feel guilty when I tell him how I feel. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he has no time for counseling and really the problem isn't him or anything he can do anything about realistically. I just don't know what to think anymore. I am so sick and tired of the whole scene. I want a life already. I want to have fun and have a partner not another dependent. I want to be taken out and have fun. I want him to be interested in sex and being intimate. I want..

So am I being rediculous, selfish, a complete brat. ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Not sure where to begin. The past few weeks have been weird. We got a nanny 3 weeks ago which has helped out a bit with the load around the house during the work week(our son, cleaning and laundry). I am about to finish up a project at work which should hopefully give me a bit of a break to get more organized on that end. And my hubby just took his big licensing exam today so now that is out of the way.

But somehow I am still not happy with things. I can't figure out if its:
my job (do I want to be working or do I want to stay home with my son - requiring a major lifestyle adjustment and sale of current home due to the loss of our only "real" income)
the fact that we are away from "home", family and friends we grew up with since childhood(we are only 1.5 hours away and I am always going to visit or do work there)
the fact that my husband is never around
the fact that when my husband is around he doesn't do anything productive (help with laundry, finish drywalling the garage, attend to our son, clean up after himself, put away his clothes)
the fact that I have zero time with just my husband b/c we try to focus on our son since he misses daddy so much
the fact that the little time my husband is home we spend trying to get stuff done that has to be put off until we can do it together (eg picking out a new desk for the home office)
the fact that I have no time for myself
the fact that my hubby gets mad if I do something with our son (eg take him to the zoo) for the first time and he couldn't be there. (How many years does he expect me to put it off b/c he doesn't have the time to go?)

Sometimes I think about what my life would be life if I weren't married to him. Or if he were to do something besides surgery. (He wants to do academic reconstructive surgery which requires 2 years of research in the middle of a 5 year residency for a total of 7 years. Then he will have an additional 3 years of fellowship.) And I totally resent the fact that I had to move to a new state, leave my friends and family, and find a new job for his residency - meanwhile I am all alone having to do everything (work 50+ hours a week, pay bills, laundry, groceries, take care of our son, cook, etc). I feel like I have sacraficed everything and that its for nothing. Even once he is in practice (He won't be starting until the age of 40) he won't have the kind of time I'd like him to have for me and our kid(s). There is nothing wrong with him. I love him. I just hate his chosen profession. Not being a Dr. But wanting to be a super DR. Meaning a specialty where you basically have to choose your career over your family. It's BS.

I am a consultant and I gave up working for a particular firm so I didn't have to travel overseas, let alone domestically, anymore so we could have a family and a relationship. Why can't he compromise and do some type of surgery that doesn't require him to not be around. I feel like there is no point to sticking things out b/c they will never get better. And in the meantime I am missing out on a part of my life where I should be traveling and having fun. Going out with other couples and being a part of life. I am sick of not knowing if my hubby can go to our friend's weddings or parties or what not b/c he has to wait to see what his call schedule will be for the month. I am sick of not being able to go out and do things other people my age are doing. I almost feel like I have a roommate who is not around very often, but stops home to take a nap and pick up some clean clothes before heading out again.

It's not his fault. He really does try. He makes an effort. And I feel guilty when I tell him how I feel. But I just don't know what to do anymore. I know he has no time for counseling and really the problem isn't him or anything he can do anything about realistically. I just don't know what to think anymore. I am so sick and tired of the whole scene. I want a life already. I want to have fun and have a partner not another dependent. I want to be taken out and have fun. I want him to be interested in sex and being intimate. I want..

So am I being rediculous, selfish, a complete brat. ANY THOUGHTS ON THIS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!

I can totally understand your resentment. I think of myself as a "workhorse" sometimes. I resent the fact that my friends and people I know have a "normal" life while I have been dragged to 3 different states to pursue my husband's dreams. Then I think - what about my dreams? When do they become the priority?!? I never would have thought that at 29 I would be married to a student, working, and no kids. I absolutely love my dear husband but he has even changed gears midstream - going from a PhD program and quitting midway through to START medical school. And sometimes I feel like "well let me know what YOU want to do next so I can start packing". But then I have to look at the bright side:

1. I have a GREAT husband who loves me very much and is totally commited to SOMETHING that will help other people
2. We are surrounded by people in the same boat, both in person and on the net so I know I am no the only one.
3. this, too will have an ending. No matter how long he is in school, he will reach a point where the education and training is over and life will resume. Now maybe THAT will be a difficult adjustment!
4. Enjoy today! People will tell you the best times were when the spouse is in school because life is simpler now - it has to be simpler when you have no money! I always tend to think the grass is always greener... but it's not always greener - it's just different grass. Times are stressful now but they'll be stressful when he is a REAL doc - just a new set of issues to deal with. You're lucky in that it sounds like you have a loving husband and a good father to your chldren who cares but is just not always there.

I probably did not help you much but I hope one little thing may have hit home with you. Good luck and remember you are not alone!

~Amy

I can totally understand your resentment. I think of myself as a "workhorse" sometimes. I resent the fact that my friends and people I know have a "normal" life while I have been dragged to 3 different states to pursue my husband's dreams. Then I think - what about my dreams? When do they become the priority?!? I never would have thought that at 29 I would be married to a student, working, and no kids. I absolutely love my dear husband but he has even changed gears midstream - going from a PhD program and quitting midway through to START medical school. And sometimes I feel like "well let me know what YOU want to do next so I can start packing". But then I have to look at the bright side:

1. I have a GREAT husband who loves me very much and is totally commited to SOMETHING that will help other people
2. We are surrounded by people in the same boat, both in person and on the net so I know I am no the only one.
3. this, too will have an ending. No matter how long he is in school, he will reach a point where the education and training is over and life will resume. Now maybe THAT will be a difficult adjustment!
4. Enjoy today! People will tell you the best times were when the spouse is in school because life is simpler now - it has to be simpler when you have no money! I always tend to think the grass is always greener... but it's not always greener - it's just different grass. Times are stressful now but they'll be stressful when he is a REAL doc - just a new set of issues to deal with. You're lucky in that it sounds like you have a loving husband and a good father to your chldren who cares but is just not always there.

I probably did not help you much but I hope one little thing may have hit home with you. Good luck and remember you are not alone!

~Amy

I can totally understand your resentment. I think of myself as a "workhorse" sometimes. I resent the fact that my friends and people I know have a "normal" life while I have been dragged to 3 different states to pursue my husband's dreams. Then I think - what about my dreams? When do they become the priority?!? I never would have thought that at 29 I would be married to a student, working, and no kids. I absolutely love my dear husband but he has even changed gears midstream - going from a PhD program and quitting midway through to START medical school. And sometimes I feel like "well let me know what YOU want to do next so I can start packing". But then I have to look at the bright side:

1. I have a GREAT husband who loves me very much and is totally commited to SOMETHING that will help other people
2. We are surrounded by people in the same boat, both in person and on the net so I know I am no the only one.
3. this, too will have an ending. No matter how long he is in school, he will reach a point where the education and training is over and life will resume. Now maybe THAT will be a difficult adjustment!
4. Enjoy today! People will tell you the best times were when the spouse is in school because life is simpler now - it has to be simpler when you have no money! I always tend to think the grass is always greener... but it's not always greener - it's just different grass. Times are stressful now but they'll be stressful when he is a REAL doc - just a new set of issues to deal with. You're lucky in that it sounds like you have a loving husband and a good father to your chldren who cares but is just not always there.

I probably did not help you much but I hope one little thing may have hit home with you. Good luck and remember you are not alone!

~Amy

Thanks for all the advice. Definitely stuff I will try to put to use. I think the biggest help is just knowing that others are going through the same thing.

My hubby and I talked today. He realized yesterday was a really bad day for me. We tried to sort through it all. We tried to figure out what is really bugging me - as well as what is bugging him. Turns out we are both having a rough time of it.

We figured out the following:
I don't want to be a full-time stay at home mom. Nothing against anyone who does, but it just isn't for me. I like making the money, I like what I do and I like the challenges it brings.
I would like to work part time and stay at home part time with our son, but right now it's just not possible unless we were to sell our house (which we only bought 8 months ago) for a smaller one and fire our nanny (who we just hired) and put our son back in daycare. None of these options appealed to us nor were feasible from a time and money perspective. Once we are back in the state we are from it will be possible, but not now.
I need to make a better effort of meeting others in town. I haven't really been able to up until now b/c of work taking me back to our former home state or work keeping me too late to attend events or my hubby not being up for it on the days he was off. But enough excuses, I called the head of the RSA (resident spouse association) and found out the dates and times of the events that are actually convenient for those of us who work full-time. (My big gripe with this group is that they are all full time mothers and so schedule activities during the work week when those of us who work can't attend. Instead they should do a bit of everything to accomodate everyone). But I am going to go to the next event and make some friends.
I don't want my children going to school in the town where we live. I don't think the schools are good enough. Where we are originally from the schools are all nationally ranked and I want that for my children. Until we move back we will figure something out.
I don't want to stay here longer than I need to b/c I feel like my friends are moving on without me. Even though I go visit all the time it is not the same as living there.
I don't want to be the one always sacrificing. I feel like I am always the one making compromises. I think my hubby needs to consider making some. I am not married to him so he can have a wife and children here when it is convenient for him.
I don't want to always have an absent husband. I think this is what bugs me the most. I feel like I'm not married. I feel like I just have a roommate.

Here's where the biggest breakthrough happened. It turns out that he too is depressed and upset about the lack of time. I didn't realize but he has been considering quitting the program. He feels like he will never have time to spend with us. He said that even once he becomes a Dr the schedule won't get any better so what is it all for. One thing we did agree to is to look into going on a marriage encounter weekend. I think he thought the idea was stupid at first, but realized that if it interested me that he should consider doing it. We also talked about trying to make more time for just the 2 of us as opposed to spending all of our free time with our son. As for his thoughts about leaving the program I told him that he shouldn't give up surgery, but should consider not doing academic or should consider taking an alternative path to get to where he wants to go. He wants to do reconstructive surgery and is currently doing a 5+ year program in general surgery. He could leave after 3 years for a fellowship. Or he could forgo the research and just do the 5 years. He's planning on talking to the head of the residency program about his concerns and will see what happens.

Anyhow - will keep you posted.

Thanks for all the advice. Definitely stuff I will try to put to use. I think the biggest help is just knowing that others are going through the same thing.

My hubby and I talked today. He realized yesterday was a really bad day for me. We tried to sort through it all. We tried to figure out what is really bugging me - as well as what is bugging him. Turns out we are both having a rough time of it.

We figured out the following:
I don't want to be a full-time stay at home mom. Nothing against anyone who does, but it just isn't for me. I like making the money, I like what I do and I like the challenges it brings.
I would like to work part time and stay at home part time with our son, but right now it's just not possible unless we were to sell our house (which we only bought 8 months ago) for a smaller one and fire our nanny (who we just hired) and put our son back in daycare. None of these options appealed to us nor were feasible from a time and money perspective. Once we are back in the state we are from it will be possible, but not now.
I need to make a better effort of meeting others in town. I haven't really been able to up until now b/c of work taking me back to our former home state or work keeping me too late to attend events or my hubby not being up for it on the days he was off. But enough excuses, I called the head of the RSA (resident spouse association) and found out the dates and times of the events that are actually convenient for those of us who work full-time. (My big gripe with this group is that they are all full time mothers and so schedule activities during the work week when those of us who work can't attend. Instead they should do a bit of everything to accomodate everyone). But I am going to go to the next event and make some friends.
I don't want my children going to school in the town where we live. I don't think the schools are good enough. Where we are originally from the schools are all nationally ranked and I want that for my children. Until we move back we will figure something out.
I don't want to stay here longer than I need to b/c I feel like my friends are moving on without me. Even though I go visit all the time it is not the same as living there.
I don't want to be the one always sacrificing. I feel like I am always the one making compromises. I think my hubby needs to consider making some. I am not married to him so he can have a wife and children here when it is convenient for him.
I don't want to always have an absent husband. I think this is what bugs me the most. I feel like I'm not married. I feel like I just have a roommate.

Here's where the biggest breakthrough happened. It turns out that he too is depressed and upset about the lack of time. I didn't realize but he has been considering quitting the program. He feels like he will never have time to spend with us. He said that even once he becomes a Dr the schedule won't get any better so what is it all for. One thing we did agree to is to look into going on a marriage encounter weekend. I think he thought the idea was stupid at first, but realized that if it interested me that he should consider doing it. We also talked about trying to make more time for just the 2 of us as opposed to spending all of our free time with our son. As for his thoughts about leaving the program I told him that he shouldn't give up surgery, but should consider not doing academic or should consider taking an alternative path to get to where he wants to go. He wants to do reconstructive surgery and is currently doing a 5+ year program in general surgery. He could leave after 3 years for a fellowship. Or he could forgo the research and just do the 5 years. He's planning on talking to the head of the residency program about his concerns and will see what happens.

Anyhow - will keep you posted.

Thanks for all the advice. Definitely stuff I will try to put to use. I think the biggest help is just knowing that others are going through the same thing.

My hubby and I talked today. He realized yesterday was a really bad day for me. We tried to sort through it all. We tried to figure out what is really bugging me - as well as what is bugging him. Turns out we are both having a rough time of it.

We figured out the following:
I don't want to be a full-time stay at home mom. Nothing against anyone who does, but it just isn't for me. I like making the money, I like what I do and I like the challenges it brings.
I would like to work part time and stay at home part time with our son, but right now it's just not possible unless we were to sell our house (which we only bought 8 months ago) for a smaller one and fire our nanny (who we just hired) and put our son back in daycare. None of these options appealed to us nor were feasible from a time and money perspective. Once we are back in the state we are from it will be possible, but not now.
I need to make a better effort of meeting others in town. I haven't really been able to up until now b/c of work taking me back to our former home state or work keeping me too late to attend events or my hubby not being up for it on the days he was off. But enough excuses, I called the head of the RSA (resident spouse association) and found out the dates and times of the events that are actually convenient for those of us who work full-time. (My big gripe with this group is that they are all full time mothers and so schedule activities during the work week when those of us who work can't attend. Instead they should do a bit of everything to accomodate everyone). But I am going to go to the next event and make some friends.
I don't want my children going to school in the town where we live. I don't think the schools are good enough. Where we are originally from the schools are all nationally ranked and I want that for my children. Until we move back we will figure something out.
I don't want to stay here longer than I need to b/c I feel like my friends are moving on without me. Even though I go visit all the time it is not the same as living there.
I don't want to be the one always sacrificing. I feel like I am always the one making compromises. I think my hubby needs to consider making some. I am not married to him so he can have a wife and children here when it is convenient for him.
I don't want to always have an absent husband. I think this is what bugs me the most. I feel like I'm not married. I feel like I just have a roommate.

Here's where the biggest breakthrough happened. It turns out that he too is depressed and upset about the lack of time. I didn't realize but he has been considering quitting the program. He feels like he will never have time to spend with us. He said that even once he becomes a Dr the schedule won't get any better so what is it all for. One thing we did agree to is to look into going on a marriage encounter weekend. I think he thought the idea was stupid at first, but realized that if it interested me that he should consider doing it. We also talked about trying to make more time for just the 2 of us as opposed to spending all of our free time with our son. As for his thoughts about leaving the program I told him that he shouldn't give up surgery, but should consider not doing academic or should consider taking an alternative path to get to where he wants to go. He wants to do reconstructive surgery and is currently doing a 5+ year program in general surgery. He could leave after 3 years for a fellowship. Or he could forgo the research and just do the 5 years. He's planning on talking to the head of the residency program about his concerns and will see what happens.

Anyhow - will keep you posted.

adrienne:
everyone has offered such wonderful advice - i don't feel like i have anything to offer. *especially* since i am not a full-fledged spouse yet and am out of state right now. *BUT* i just wanted to tell you that maybe you were just having a droopy day. i know that i have them quite frequently where everything in the world seems like BS and i just want to get on a jet plane to paris! and then after a few days of feeling like that, everything starts looking up. maybe? but it is great that you were able to talk about it with your husband and get both of your feelings/opinions/thoughts/etc out on the table. my advice to almost everything: communicate. (this is coming from a communications major so i'm biased!) but really, tell him *everything* that is on your mind unless you have strong reasons for NOT telling him.

by the way, i did want to tell you that i have appreciated your advice and messages that you leave on this board - i admire you! so i know this is coming from someone who doesn't know the ins and outs of your daily routine but you really seem to have it together with your husband, son, career, marriage - so there!
you are sort of a model for me now because i plan on working full-time and already know that i can't stay at home every single day, all day - and i'm going to be flying home several times to see my family and friends b/c dammit, i didn't pick that city! ha.

keep up the good work is what i say! you seem to know exactly what you're doing! and it works!

adrienne:
everyone has offered such wonderful advice - i don't feel like i have anything to offer. *especially* since i am not a full-fledged spouse yet and am out of state right now. *BUT* i just wanted to tell you that maybe you were just having a droopy day. i know that i have them quite frequently where everything in the world seems like BS and i just want to get on a jet plane to paris! and then after a few days of feeling like that, everything starts looking up. maybe? but it is great that you were able to talk about it with your husband and get both of your feelings/opinions/thoughts/etc out on the table. my advice to almost everything: communicate. (this is coming from a communications major so i'm biased!) but really, tell him *everything* that is on your mind unless you have strong reasons for NOT telling him.

by the way, i did want to tell you that i have appreciated your advice and messages that you leave on this board - i admire you! so i know this is coming from someone who doesn't know the ins and outs of your daily routine but you really seem to have it together with your husband, son, career, marriage - so there!
you are sort of a model for me now because i plan on working full-time and already know that i can't stay at home every single day, all day - and i'm going to be flying home several times to see my family and friends b/c dammit, i didn't pick that city! ha.

keep up the good work is what i say! you seem to know exactly what you're doing! and it works!

adrienne:
everyone has offered such wonderful advice - i don't feel like i have anything to offer. *especially* since i am not a full-fledged spouse yet and am out of state right now. *BUT* i just wanted to tell you that maybe you were just having a droopy day. i know that i have them quite frequently where everything in the world seems like BS and i just want to get on a jet plane to paris! and then after a few days of feeling like that, everything starts looking up. maybe? but it is great that you were able to talk about it with your husband and get both of your feelings/opinions/thoughts/etc out on the table. my advice to almost everything: communicate. (this is coming from a communications major so i'm biased!) but really, tell him *everything* that is on your mind unless you have strong reasons for NOT telling him.

by the way, i did want to tell you that i have appreciated your advice and messages that you leave on this board - i admire you! so i know this is coming from someone who doesn't know the ins and outs of your daily routine but you really seem to have it together with your husband, son, career, marriage - so there!
you are sort of a model for me now because i plan on working full-time and already know that i can't stay at home every single day, all day - and i'm going to be flying home several times to see my family and friends b/c dammit, i didn't pick that city! ha.

keep up the good work is what i say! you seem to know exactly what you're doing! and it works!

[Phoebe]

Hi Adrienne- I am glad that you spoke with your husband about your feelings. I am sure both of you felt better to get some support from each other and even just to have a conversation is nice. I miss those with my husband.

It sounds like you were able to make some decisions about where you want your life to head. I related to a lot of your frustrations and have had similar feelings on almost all the points that you raised. I agree with the conclusions that you have made as far as your husband needing to compromise in some ways too. It takes two to make a marriage strong and although the balance may not be always equal, you need to feel that you are getting something back from your relationship. I have told my husband many, many times that I feel he is my roommate instead of my husband. He has tried to make more time for us because it makes us both better people.

I have had to become more patient and sometimes find my own happiness in things like taking a class etc because I don't know any people where we live either. I find that concentrating on what is important to myself lessens my resentment of my husband.

My husband has had similar feelings to your husband. He considered leaving his program and later decided it really made him happy. Overall, we have compromised on a lot of things which has made our relationship stronger and both of less stressed. The decisions that you have made together give you goals to concentrate on and put your energy into some things that will maybe make you happier in the long run. I hope it works out! You know there is always this place to turn in the mean time.

Jennifer

[Phoebe]

Hi Adrienne- I am glad that you spoke with your husband about your feelings. I am sure both of you felt better to get some support from each other and even just to have a conversation is nice. I miss those with my husband.

It sounds like you were able to make some decisions about where you want your life to head. I related to a lot of your frustrations and have had similar feelings on almost all the points that you raised. I agree with the conclusions that you have made as far as your husband needing to compromise in some ways too. It takes two to make a marriage strong and although the balance may not be always equal, you need to feel that you are getting something back from your relationship. I have told my husband many, many times that I feel he is my roommate instead of my husband. He has tried to make more time for us because it makes us both better people.

I have had to become more patient and sometimes find my own happiness in things like taking a class etc because I don't know any people where we live either. I find that concentrating on what is important to myself lessens my resentment of my husband.

My husband has had similar feelings to your husband. He considered leaving his program and later decided it really made him happy. Overall, we have compromised on a lot of things which has made our relationship stronger and both of less stressed. The decisions that you have made together give you goals to concentrate on and put your energy into some things that will maybe make you happier in the long run. I hope it works out! You know there is always this place to turn in the mean time.

Jennifer

[Phoebe]

Hi Adrienne- I am glad that you spoke with your husband about your feelings. I am sure both of you felt better to get some support from each other and even just to have a conversation is nice. I miss those with my husband.

It sounds like you were able to make some decisions about where you want your life to head. I related to a lot of your frustrations and have had similar feelings on almost all the points that you raised. I agree with the conclusions that you have made as far as your husband needing to compromise in some ways too. It takes two to make a marriage strong and although the balance may not be always equal, you need to feel that you are getting something back from your relationship. I have told my husband many, many times that I feel he is my roommate instead of my husband. He has tried to make more time for us because it makes us both better people.

I have had to become more patient and sometimes find my own happiness in things like taking a class etc because I don't know any people where we live either. I find that concentrating on what is important to myself lessens my resentment of my husband.

My husband has had similar feelings to your husband. He considered leaving his program and later decided it really made him happy. Overall, we have compromised on a lot of things which has made our relationship stronger and both of less stressed. The decisions that you have made together give you goals to concentrate on and put your energy into some things that will maybe make you happier in the long run. I hope it works out! You know there is always this place to turn in the mean time.

Jennifer