need to vent

hi everyone -



you all are like the only ones who will understand this. i'm even embarrassed to tell my fiance! i was in the grad office at school just hanging out today and one of my "friends" from our program came in - i haven't seen her in weeks and weeks so i was really happy. we were talking about jobs and resumes and all of that fun stuff and i was telling her that jobs in the "artsy" fields are definitely not known for paying much. so she says LOUDLY: "oh well you don't need to worry about that. . .what are you talking about? you have yourself a surgeon there and he's going to rake it in" i was like "EXCUSE ME?!?" i could not believe she was so unclassy as to have said that so loud in the office. so i just ignored that and went on saying "whatever. i don't know what you are talking about." and tried to gear the topic back to me. can we say TACT?!



i know there have been other posts on this same problem - i hate it. i am definitely embarrassed at times to tell people what he does b/c of receiving this very same immature response. and at other times i want to shout it in their face simply because of this immature response. like later this afternoon for instance. . .i went to a little boutique-style store to look at stationary and wedding stuff. the store is one of those uppity ones that has really cute things but you have to deal with the bitchy, snooty, think they are so great saleswomen. well, one woman came in and was looking for invitations for her son's rehearsal dinner and when she left, the owner started talking about her to another saleswoman. she was saying how embarrassed the future daughter-in-law must be to have a mother in law to be that is so not with it and how could she think that she could find invitations for less than that if they are worth looking at, blah blah blah - it made me SICK to my stomach to listen to them -- ?!?! do they even know what a wedding is about? so i bought what i wanted and left the store. they definitely didn't give me extra-special attention b/c i had my student-gear on and wasn't dripping with diamonds -- i really wanted to tell her "you know what? i may not have 2,000 dollars to put down for invitations right now. but you know what? give me 5-10 years and i can put down 10,000 for invitations BUT I WON'T because i will remember how completely unpleasant you were!"



ok, i think i'm done can you all tell that today was uh, eventful? ha.



hope all is well with everyone!!

hi everyone -



you all are like the only ones who will understand this. i'm even embarrassed to tell my fiance! i was in the grad office at school just hanging out today and one of my "friends" from our program came in - i haven't seen her in weeks and weeks so i was really happy. we were talking about jobs and resumes and all of that fun stuff and i was telling her that jobs in the "artsy" fields are definitely not known for paying much. so she says LOUDLY: "oh well you don't need to worry about that. . .what are you talking about? you have yourself a surgeon there and he's going to rake it in" i was like "EXCUSE ME?!?" i could not believe she was so unclassy as to have said that so loud in the office. so i just ignored that and went on saying "whatever. i don't know what you are talking about." and tried to gear the topic back to me. can we say TACT?!



i know there have been other posts on this same problem - i hate it. i am definitely embarrassed at times to tell people what he does b/c of receiving this very same immature response. and at other times i want to shout it in their face simply because of this immature response. like later this afternoon for instance. . .i went to a little boutique-style store to look at stationary and wedding stuff. the store is one of those uppity ones that has really cute things but you have to deal with the bitchy, snooty, think they are so great saleswomen. well, one woman came in and was looking for invitations for her son's rehearsal dinner and when she left, the owner started talking about her to another saleswoman. she was saying how embarrassed the future daughter-in-law must be to have a mother in law to be that is so not with it and how could she think that she could find invitations for less than that if they are worth looking at, blah blah blah - it made me SICK to my stomach to listen to them -- ?!?! do they even know what a wedding is about? so i bought what i wanted and left the store. they definitely didn't give me extra-special attention b/c i had my student-gear on and wasn't dripping with diamonds -- i really wanted to tell her "you know what? i may not have 2,000 dollars to put down for invitations right now. but you know what? give me 5-10 years and i can put down 10,000 for invitations BUT I WON'T because i will remember how completely unpleasant you were!"



ok, i think i'm done can you all tell that today was uh, eventful? ha.



hope all is well with everyone!!

hi everyone -



you all are like the only ones who will understand this. i'm even embarrassed to tell my fiance! i was in the grad office at school just hanging out today and one of my "friends" from our program came in - i haven't seen her in weeks and weeks so i was really happy. we were talking about jobs and resumes and all of that fun stuff and i was telling her that jobs in the "artsy" fields are definitely not known for paying much. so she says LOUDLY: "oh well you don't need to worry about that. . .what are you talking about? you have yourself a surgeon there and he's going to rake it in" i was like "EXCUSE ME?!?" i could not believe she was so unclassy as to have said that so loud in the office. so i just ignored that and went on saying "whatever. i don't know what you are talking about." and tried to gear the topic back to me. can we say TACT?!



i know there have been other posts on this same problem - i hate it. i am definitely embarrassed at times to tell people what he does b/c of receiving this very same immature response. and at other times i want to shout it in their face simply because of this immature response. like later this afternoon for instance. . .i went to a little boutique-style store to look at stationary and wedding stuff. the store is one of those uppity ones that has really cute things but you have to deal with the bitchy, snooty, think they are so great saleswomen. well, one woman came in and was looking for invitations for her son's rehearsal dinner and when she left, the owner started talking about her to another saleswoman. she was saying how embarrassed the future daughter-in-law must be to have a mother in law to be that is so not with it and how could she think that she could find invitations for less than that if they are worth looking at, blah blah blah - it made me SICK to my stomach to listen to them -- ?!?! do they even know what a wedding is about? so i bought what i wanted and left the store. they definitely didn't give me extra-special attention b/c i had my student-gear on and wasn't dripping with diamonds -- i really wanted to tell her "you know what? i may not have 2,000 dollars to put down for invitations right now. but you know what? give me 5-10 years and i can put down 10,000 for invitations BUT I WON'T because i will remember how completely unpleasant you were!"



ok, i think i'm done can you all tell that today was uh, eventful? ha.



hope all is well with everyone!!

Ok well I will vent--People in general--a waste of air as far as I am concerned.



Last night I get home and he was home early--yipee--a night to hang out--so we talked about what we wanted for dinner and I decided just to go to the store. Cam home cooked for an hour and a half--put dinner out--eating in the living room--he takes one bite and falls asleep with food in his mouth, on his face, on the couch



AARRGG--I really feel bad as I was a jerk this morning--and my anger is not with him but his schedule but for christ sakes--give me a break--he slept from 6pm until 7am this morning--which is a good thing as he needed the sleep, but it really pissed me off--I can not wait for this residency to be over...

Ok well I will vent--People in general--a waste of air as far as I am concerned.



Last night I get home and he was home early--yipee--a night to hang out--so we talked about what we wanted for dinner and I decided just to go to the store. Cam home cooked for an hour and a half--put dinner out--eating in the living room--he takes one bite and falls asleep with food in his mouth, on his face, on the couch



AARRGG--I really feel bad as I was a jerk this morning--and my anger is not with him but his schedule but for christ sakes--give me a break--he slept from 6pm until 7am this morning--which is a good thing as he needed the sleep, but it really pissed me off--I can not wait for this residency to be over...

Ok well I will vent--People in general--a waste of air as far as I am concerned.



Last night I get home and he was home early--yipee--a night to hang out--so we talked about what we wanted for dinner and I decided just to go to the store. Cam home cooked for an hour and a half--put dinner out--eating in the living room--he takes one bite and falls asleep with food in his mouth, on his face, on the couch



AARRGG--I really feel bad as I was a jerk this morning--and my anger is not with him but his schedule but for christ sakes--give me a break--he slept from 6pm until 7am this morning--which is a good thing as he needed the sleep, but it really pissed me off--I can not wait for this residency to be over...

[DCJenn]

Well, at least in the military the docs are generally paid what other people of their rank are paid. (i.e. Rick is a Captain and therefore his base salary is exactly what a Captain with 8 years prior service is.) They do add bonuses and some other stuff every year they stay in (to try to keep them in as most can make a lot more as civilians) and those bonuses increase exponentially the longer he stays in. So, now we have the interesting component of "oh, your husband is a DAWHKTER" and when I say, that indeed he is- in the Army... I get the "oh, your poor thing" look. Like he's somewhat less of a physician- I guess most people don't realize that 90% of the military docs go to civilian med schools!&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp UGH



but even more annoying than that (as I've only been dealing with it for a little less than a year) is the reaction to MY job- when I tell people that I work with people with developmental disabilites (after I have to explain what that means) i get one of three things:

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Oh, you must be so patient"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "They are such special people"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Isn't it nice you're doing God's work"



So, this is what I think- but try really hard not to say: 1) No, I'm not particularly patient- this is just what I happens to be good at

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 2) There are people with disabilties who are jerks just as there are people without disabilties who are jerks



&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 3) Maybe, I haven't seen God work a shift yet.



Later all-



Jenn

[DCJenn]

Well, at least in the military the docs are generally paid what other people of their rank are paid. (i.e. Rick is a Captain and therefore his base salary is exactly what a Captain with 8 years prior service is.) They do add bonuses and some other stuff every year they stay in (to try to keep them in as most can make a lot more as civilians) and those bonuses increase exponentially the longer he stays in. So, now we have the interesting component of "oh, your husband is a DAWHKTER" and when I say, that indeed he is- in the Army... I get the "oh, your poor thing" look. Like he's somewhat less of a physician- I guess most people don't realize that 90% of the military docs go to civilian med schools!&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp UGH



but even more annoying than that (as I've only been dealing with it for a little less than a year) is the reaction to MY job- when I tell people that I work with people with developmental disabilites (after I have to explain what that means) i get one of three things:

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Oh, you must be so patient"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "They are such special people"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Isn't it nice you're doing God's work"



So, this is what I think- but try really hard not to say: 1) No, I'm not particularly patient- this is just what I happens to be good at

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 2) There are people with disabilties who are jerks just as there are people without disabilties who are jerks



&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 3) Maybe, I haven't seen God work a shift yet.



Later all-



Jenn

[DCJenn]

Well, at least in the military the docs are generally paid what other people of their rank are paid. (i.e. Rick is a Captain and therefore his base salary is exactly what a Captain with 8 years prior service is.) They do add bonuses and some other stuff every year they stay in (to try to keep them in as most can make a lot more as civilians) and those bonuses increase exponentially the longer he stays in. So, now we have the interesting component of "oh, your husband is a DAWHKTER" and when I say, that indeed he is- in the Army... I get the "oh, your poor thing" look. Like he's somewhat less of a physician- I guess most people don't realize that 90% of the military docs go to civilian med schools!&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp UGH



but even more annoying than that (as I've only been dealing with it for a little less than a year) is the reaction to MY job- when I tell people that I work with people with developmental disabilites (after I have to explain what that means) i get one of three things:

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Oh, you must be so patient"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "They are such special people"

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp "Isn't it nice you're doing God's work"



So, this is what I think- but try really hard not to say: 1) No, I'm not particularly patient- this is just what I happens to be good at

&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 2) There are people with disabilties who are jerks just as there are people without disabilties who are jerks



&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp 3) Maybe, I haven't seen God work a shift yet.



Later all-



Jenn

Claudia,



I know exactly what you are talking about. Even my mom tells me not to complain about the residency hours, etc....because someday it will be "worth it"....as if what I am going through isn't valid because there is the hope of a financial reward. And why is it that attorney's spouses, dentist's spouses, and the spouse's of big HMO corporations don't have to put on this special martyr face because their "important" spouses might earn more money after their years of training and struggling? Most people are unaware of the struggles during medical school and residency financially as well as the staggering debt that we will have. I do feel sometimes that there is a feeling of resentment by others that doctors earn more money and a real scrutiny by non-medical spouses of "how did she end up with him?". Medical spouses are "supposed" to give up their lives for their husband's pursuit of a career and then become PTA moms, volunteers in the hospitals and schools and advocates of healthcare reform, etc, etc....Don't get me wrong, I think that many of these activities are great...but I also want to be recognized for who I am and not what my husband does.



Where we did residency, there was a small town with antique shops, craft shops, etc...and one of the first lessons that I learned was that because there were no prices on the items to NEVER tell anyone that my husband was a resident or the prices would go up.....I thought that was so lousy....that I just didn't shop there!



Well, I have definately vented and moaned enough, huh!!!



Kris

Claudia,



I know exactly what you are talking about. Even my mom tells me not to complain about the residency hours, etc....because someday it will be "worth it"....as if what I am going through isn't valid because there is the hope of a financial reward. And why is it that attorney's spouses, dentist's spouses, and the spouse's of big HMO corporations don't have to put on this special martyr face because their "important" spouses might earn more money after their years of training and struggling? Most people are unaware of the struggles during medical school and residency financially as well as the staggering debt that we will have. I do feel sometimes that there is a feeling of resentment by others that doctors earn more money and a real scrutiny by non-medical spouses of "how did she end up with him?". Medical spouses are "supposed" to give up their lives for their husband's pursuit of a career and then become PTA moms, volunteers in the hospitals and schools and advocates of healthcare reform, etc, etc....Don't get me wrong, I think that many of these activities are great...but I also want to be recognized for who I am and not what my husband does.



Where we did residency, there was a small town with antique shops, craft shops, etc...and one of the first lessons that I learned was that because there were no prices on the items to NEVER tell anyone that my husband was a resident or the prices would go up.....I thought that was so lousy....that I just didn't shop there!



Well, I have definately vented and moaned enough, huh!!!



Kris

Claudia,



I know exactly what you are talking about. Even my mom tells me not to complain about the residency hours, etc....because someday it will be "worth it"....as if what I am going through isn't valid because there is the hope of a financial reward. And why is it that attorney's spouses, dentist's spouses, and the spouse's of big HMO corporations don't have to put on this special martyr face because their "important" spouses might earn more money after their years of training and struggling? Most people are unaware of the struggles during medical school and residency financially as well as the staggering debt that we will have. I do feel sometimes that there is a feeling of resentment by others that doctors earn more money and a real scrutiny by non-medical spouses of "how did she end up with him?". Medical spouses are "supposed" to give up their lives for their husband's pursuit of a career and then become PTA moms, volunteers in the hospitals and schools and advocates of healthcare reform, etc, etc....Don't get me wrong, I think that many of these activities are great...but I also want to be recognized for who I am and not what my husband does.



Where we did residency, there was a small town with antique shops, craft shops, etc...and one of the first lessons that I learned was that because there were no prices on the items to NEVER tell anyone that my husband was a resident or the prices would go up.....I thought that was so lousy....that I just didn't shop there!



Well, I have definately vented and moaned enough, huh!!!



Kris

I didn't realize that the military paid so well! Will he have student loan repayment with them or did they pay his whole tuition? What kind of work do you do with the developmentally disabled? It sounds like really challenging work!





Kris

I didn't realize that the military paid so well! Will he have student loan repayment with them or did they pay his whole tuition? What kind of work do you do with the developmentally disabled? It sounds like really challenging work!





Kris

I didn't realize that the military paid so well! Will he have student loan repayment with them or did they pay his whole tuition? What kind of work do you do with the developmentally disabled? It sounds like really challenging work!





Kris