Fiance' major problems ahead

[DCJenn]

I completely agree with Kris and Claudia- your fiance cannot expect you to have the time or energy that you now have. It's a recipe for disaster. She needs to find activities of her own. Someone here once wrote that the spouse needs to keep thier own activities separate from the medical person. As in- if she has a class and you're suddenly available- she should still go to the class. The other thing you're going to have to do is learn how to say no. We have an understanding that if Rick needs to study- Jenn needs to go find something else to do. No questions asked. (and studying definitely doesn't end at graduation!) But you're going to have to do it so that she understands that it's not personal. It's hard at first- no doubt about it. I also realized that being whiny or complaining about the time constraints only made both of us feel bad. So now, unless he's being a complete ass, I keep it to myself. We try to spend one evening a week together doing nothing except hanging out.



Hope this helps!



Jenn

[DCJenn]

I completely agree with Kris and Claudia- your fiance cannot expect you to have the time or energy that you now have. It's a recipe for disaster. She needs to find activities of her own. Someone here once wrote that the spouse needs to keep thier own activities separate from the medical person. As in- if she has a class and you're suddenly available- she should still go to the class. The other thing you're going to have to do is learn how to say no. We have an understanding that if Rick needs to study- Jenn needs to go find something else to do. No questions asked. (and studying definitely doesn't end at graduation!) But you're going to have to do it so that she understands that it's not personal. It's hard at first- no doubt about it. I also realized that being whiny or complaining about the time constraints only made both of us feel bad. So now, unless he's being a complete ass, I keep it to myself. We try to spend one evening a week together doing nothing except hanging out.



Hope this helps!



Jenn

[DCJenn]

I completely agree with Kris and Claudia- your fiance cannot expect you to have the time or energy that you now have. It's a recipe for disaster. She needs to find activities of her own. Someone here once wrote that the spouse needs to keep thier own activities separate from the medical person. As in- if she has a class and you're suddenly available- she should still go to the class. The other thing you're going to have to do is learn how to say no. We have an understanding that if Rick needs to study- Jenn needs to go find something else to do. No questions asked. (and studying definitely doesn't end at graduation!) But you're going to have to do it so that she understands that it's not personal. It's hard at first- no doubt about it. I also realized that being whiny or complaining about the time constraints only made both of us feel bad. So now, unless he's being a complete ass, I keep it to myself. We try to spend one evening a week together doing nothing except hanging out.



Hope this helps!



Jenn

[Phoebe]

Congrats on medical school. What a great accomplishment. Your life will definitely undergo some changes once you start med school. Your relationship will definitely be impacted by your time commitments required by school and then residency. You and your fiance can come through with it with a strong bond if you be realistic in your expectations.



What others said previously is important to remember, communicate and be open about it. It is definitely an adjustment for both of you and not always an easy one. You may both feel a loss since you are able to spend so much time together now.



In addition to what others have said, I suggest doing little things to make your fiance important in between the times you can spend together. If she feels reassured of your feelings and remains a priority in your thoughts when you can't be together then it can help her if she feels left out. The time you do have together, make it special.



Good luck!

[Phoebe]

Congrats on medical school. What a great accomplishment. Your life will definitely undergo some changes once you start med school. Your relationship will definitely be impacted by your time commitments required by school and then residency. You and your fiance can come through with it with a strong bond if you be realistic in your expectations.



What others said previously is important to remember, communicate and be open about it. It is definitely an adjustment for both of you and not always an easy one. You may both feel a loss since you are able to spend so much time together now.



In addition to what others have said, I suggest doing little things to make your fiance important in between the times you can spend together. If she feels reassured of your feelings and remains a priority in your thoughts when you can't be together then it can help her if she feels left out. The time you do have together, make it special.



Good luck!

[Phoebe]

Congrats on medical school. What a great accomplishment. Your life will definitely undergo some changes once you start med school. Your relationship will definitely be impacted by your time commitments required by school and then residency. You and your fiance can come through with it with a strong bond if you be realistic in your expectations.



What others said previously is important to remember, communicate and be open about it. It is definitely an adjustment for both of you and not always an easy one. You may both feel a loss since you are able to spend so much time together now.



In addition to what others have said, I suggest doing little things to make your fiance important in between the times you can spend together. If she feels reassured of your feelings and remains a priority in your thoughts when you can't be together then it can help her if she feels left out. The time you do have together, make it special.



Good luck!

MS--from one guy to another--I might suggest now that you buy a whole slew of cards and write them out now



this way when youare bone tired and emotionally out of it--you can always send her or give her one of these--believe me she will be so appreciative and you will be glad you did it

MS--from one guy to another--I might suggest now that you buy a whole slew of cards and write them out now



this way when youare bone tired and emotionally out of it--you can always send her or give her one of these--believe me she will be so appreciative and you will be glad you did it

MS--from one guy to another--I might suggest now that you buy a whole slew of cards and write them out now



this way when youare bone tired and emotionally out of it--you can always send her or give her one of these--believe me she will be so appreciative and you will be glad you did it

Hi MS-



You are to be commended for recognizing that the situation you are in could become a problem. It doesn't have to be, though. My husband is a 2nd year med student and we definitely had some serious adjusting to do regarding study demands vs. attention to me demands. I'm sure there were more than a few times that he wished that I lived an hour away!



You have to be a serious planner and both of you have to be serious compromisers. You have to plan your study time so that you can take some free time on the weekend with your fiance. You both have to know that there is simply too much to do in med school for weekends to be purely "hang-out" time. Jenn said it well- if you need study time, she needs to find something else to occupy her time, whether that is study or read or go hand out with friends. That will go a long way toward making you each less crazy.



Keep in mind, too, that it is only for a year. It'll seem like forever at the time, but it truly is not. It is workable as long as you communicate about each of your needs and work hard to come up with a solution that will make each of you happy.



Good luck!



Wendy

Hi MS-



You are to be commended for recognizing that the situation you are in could become a problem. It doesn't have to be, though. My husband is a 2nd year med student and we definitely had some serious adjusting to do regarding study demands vs. attention to me demands. I'm sure there were more than a few times that he wished that I lived an hour away!



You have to be a serious planner and both of you have to be serious compromisers. You have to plan your study time so that you can take some free time on the weekend with your fiance. You both have to know that there is simply too much to do in med school for weekends to be purely "hang-out" time. Jenn said it well- if you need study time, she needs to find something else to occupy her time, whether that is study or read or go hand out with friends. That will go a long way toward making you each less crazy.



Keep in mind, too, that it is only for a year. It'll seem like forever at the time, but it truly is not. It is workable as long as you communicate about each of your needs and work hard to come up with a solution that will make each of you happy.



Good luck!



Wendy

Hi MS-



You are to be commended for recognizing that the situation you are in could become a problem. It doesn't have to be, though. My husband is a 2nd year med student and we definitely had some serious adjusting to do regarding study demands vs. attention to me demands. I'm sure there were more than a few times that he wished that I lived an hour away!



You have to be a serious planner and both of you have to be serious compromisers. You have to plan your study time so that you can take some free time on the weekend with your fiance. You both have to know that there is simply too much to do in med school for weekends to be purely "hang-out" time. Jenn said it well- if you need study time, she needs to find something else to occupy her time, whether that is study or read or go hand out with friends. That will go a long way toward making you each less crazy.



Keep in mind, too, that it is only for a year. It'll seem like forever at the time, but it truly is not. It is workable as long as you communicate about each of your needs and work hard to come up with a solution that will make each of you happy.



Good luck!



Wendy

HI once again,

Thanks to all who have remarked on my situation. You have all been a really big help. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise appears to be the way to resolve our issues. I appreciate everyones response, and I will certainly introduce my fiance' to this board. One suggestion, and I mean it in all niceness, get rid of the pink. thanks again

MS

HI once again,

Thanks to all who have remarked on my situation. You have all been a really big help. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise appears to be the way to resolve our issues. I appreciate everyones response, and I will certainly introduce my fiance' to this board. One suggestion, and I mean it in all niceness, get rid of the pink. thanks again

MS

HI once again,

Thanks to all who have remarked on my situation. You have all been a really big help. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise appears to be the way to resolve our issues. I appreciate everyones response, and I will certainly introduce my fiance' to this board. One suggestion, and I mean it in all niceness, get rid of the pink. thanks again

MS