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How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids:

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  • How to know whether or not you are ready to have kids:

    I got this in an email....enjoy!!!





    - Mess Test



    Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick

    behind the couch and leave it there all summer.



    - Toy Test



    Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if

    you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a

    blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.

    Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.



    - Grocery Store Test



    Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with

    you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they

    eat or damage.



    - Dressing Test



    Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag

    making sure that all the arms stay inside.



    - Feeding Test



    Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend

    from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert

    spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending

    to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.



    - Night Test



    Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds

    of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and

    hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm

    for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have

    ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until

    4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up

    for 5 years. Look cheerful.



    - Ingenuity Test



    Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn

    it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into

    an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of

    foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of

    Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.



    - Automobile Test



    Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream

    cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime.

    Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate

    chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both

    side of the car. There, perfect!



    - Physical Test (Women)



    Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your

    clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try

    not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them

    for a while.



    - Physical Test (Men)



    Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the

    clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to

    the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly

    deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it

    quietly for the last time.



    - Final Assignment



    Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they

    can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet

    training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can

    improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their

    children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time

    you will have all the answers.





  • #2
    I got this in an email....enjoy!!!





    - Mess Test



    Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick

    behind the couch and leave it there all summer.



    - Toy Test



    Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if

    you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a

    blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.

    Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.



    - Grocery Store Test



    Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with

    you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they

    eat or damage.



    - Dressing Test



    Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag

    making sure that all the arms stay inside.



    - Feeding Test



    Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend

    from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert

    spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending

    to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.



    - Night Test



    Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds

    of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and

    hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm

    for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have

    ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until

    4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up

    for 5 years. Look cheerful.



    - Ingenuity Test



    Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn

    it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into

    an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of

    foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of

    Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.



    - Automobile Test



    Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream

    cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime.

    Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate

    chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both

    side of the car. There, perfect!



    - Physical Test (Women)



    Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your

    clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try

    not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them

    for a while.



    - Physical Test (Men)



    Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the

    clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to

    the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly

    deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it

    quietly for the last time.



    - Final Assignment



    Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they

    can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet

    training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can

    improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their

    children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time

    you will have all the answers.




    Comment


    • #3
      I got this in an email....enjoy!!!





      - Mess Test



      Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick

      behind the couch and leave it there all summer.



      - Toy Test



      Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (you may substitute roofing tacks if

      you wish). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a

      blindfold and take off shoes. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen.

      Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.



      - Grocery Store Test



      Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with

      you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they

      eat or damage.



      - Dressing Test



      Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag

      making sure that all the arms stay inside.



      - Feeding Test



      Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend

      from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert

      spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending

      to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.



      - Night Test



      Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds

      of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00pm, begin to waltz and

      hum with the bag until 9:00pm. Lay down your bag and set your alarm

      for 10:00pm. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have

      ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until

      4:00am. Set alarm for 5:00am. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up

      for 5 years. Look cheerful.



      - Ingenuity Test



      Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn

      it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into

      an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of

      foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of

      Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.



      - Automobile Test



      Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream

      cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime.

      Stick it into the CD player. Take a family-size package of chocolate

      chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a rake along both

      side of the car. There, perfect!



      - Physical Test (Women)



      Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your

      clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Then remove the beans. And try

      not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them

      for a while.



      - Physical Test (Men)



      Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the

      clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to

      the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly

      deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it

      quietly for the last time.



      - Final Assignment



      Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they

      can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, and toilet

      training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can

      improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their

      children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time

      you will have all the answers.




      Comment


      • #4
        Kris,

        This is too funny. I really want to print it but am having trouble. Would you mind sending it to my email "Mahdi2@aol.com". Thanks

        Luanne
        Luanne
        wife, mother, nurse practitioner

        "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

        Comment


        • #5
          Kris,

          This is too funny. I really want to print it but am having trouble. Would you mind sending it to my email "Mahdi2@aol.com". Thanks

          Luanne
          Luanne
          wife, mother, nurse practitioner

          "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

          Comment


          • #6
            Kris,

            This is too funny. I really want to print it but am having trouble. Would you mind sending it to my email "Mahdi2@aol.com". Thanks

            Luanne
            Luanne
            wife, mother, nurse practitioner

            "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

            Comment


            • #7
              Sure....isnt' that hysterical!!! I remember my bc (before children) days....I was so opinioniated about parenting and what constituted a "good" mother Even as a young mom, I would snuggle my one "perfect" child and gasp at other mothers' unruly kids .....now I'm just gasping to keep up with my three hoping to survive and do a minimal amount of damage!







              Kris

              Comment


              • #8
                Sure....isnt' that hysterical!!! I remember my bc (before children) days....I was so opinioniated about parenting and what constituted a "good" mother Even as a young mom, I would snuggle my one "perfect" child and gasp at other mothers' unruly kids .....now I'm just gasping to keep up with my three hoping to survive and do a minimal amount of damage!







                Kris

                Comment


                • #9
                  Sure....isnt' that hysterical!!! I remember my bc (before children) days....I was so opinioniated about parenting and what constituted a "good" mother Even as a young mom, I would snuggle my one "perfect" child and gasp at other mothers' unruly kids .....now I'm just gasping to keep up with my three hoping to survive and do a minimal amount of damage!







                  Kris

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    LOL - If we only knew half now of what we thought we knew before children!!!!!!!



                    Luanne
                    Luanne
                    wife, mother, nurse practitioner

                    "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      LOL - If we only knew half now of what we thought we knew before children!!!!!!!



                      Luanne
                      Luanne
                      wife, mother, nurse practitioner

                      "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        LOL - If we only knew half now of what we thought we knew before children!!!!!!!



                        Luanne
                        Luanne
                        wife, mother, nurse practitioner

                        "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

                        Comment

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