Need a chuckle?

[houseelf]

The Automated Attendant for the Psychiatric Hotline:



Hello! Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:



If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.



If you are codependent, please ask someone to press "2" with you.



If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", "5", and "6".



If you are paranoid-delusional, we already know who you are and what you want, so please hang up and wait for our contact.



If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully for a tiny, soft voice to tell you which number to press.



And, if you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer anyway.

[houseelf]

The Automated Attendant for the Psychiatric Hotline:



Hello! Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:



If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.



If you are codependent, please ask someone to press "2" with you.



If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", "5", and "6".



If you are paranoid-delusional, we already know who you are and what you want, so please hang up and wait for our contact.



If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully for a tiny, soft voice to tell you which number to press.



And, if you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer anyway.

[houseelf]

The Automated Attendant for the Psychiatric Hotline:



Hello! Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:



If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly.



If you are codependent, please ask someone to press "2" with you.



If you have multiple personalities, please press "3", "4", "5", and "6".



If you are paranoid-delusional, we already know who you are and what you want, so please hang up and wait for our contact.



If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully for a tiny, soft voice to tell you which number to press.



And, if you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press; no one will answer anyway.