Define Stay-at-Home Mom

This is kind of a funny question, but I've met so many "stay-at-home moms" lately who do a variety of things.....I have friends who work part-time days when their kids are in school, or work evening shift when their husbands get home from work, friends who go to the gym for two hours 5 days a week.......My neighbor is a stay-at-home mom who does volunteer work in the community and leaves her three year old with a friend when she works......Are these all flavors of SAHM? I think I'm missing out, because I chastised myself when I took a class a semester, which meant my children were out of my sight for two hours three days a week....now I'm starting to think that I was a SAHM then too, even though for a couple of hours I was thinking of myself....

I hope this isn't too strange of a post....I just talked last night to a SAHM who actually works three jobs...she works in the evening when her husband (a teacher) comes home at Target for extra money, teaches self-defense classes at the local junior college and some schools, and also leads conferences in leadership for business woman (She has her masters in counseling). She has three children and her hubby is german, so they came over for dinner last night.....

I just realized that maybe I need to start thinking 'outside of the box'....maybe stay-at-home mom does not mean completely giving up your own fulfillment and career..she has found a really creative way to make things work for her and feel satisfied...

hmmm

Kris

kris -
You answered your own question! You go, girl! I would agree with you 200%. A stay-at-mom is (in my opinion) a woman whose *primary* "occupation" is to raise the children.
She also has a secondary occupation of . . . and possibly a third, fourth, and fifth . . .fifth would be taking regular bubble baths with a good book and a glass of wine, of course! (Am I jaded or what? I just wish our bathtub was clean enough to take a bath!)
I have every intention of being a "stay-at-home" mom a la this definition. Financial pressures might require us to use daycare for a time but after I would like to think that I want to be the primary caretaker of our kids - but I also know that I have too many personal goals to fulfill to not have some sort of part-time gig going - even if it is from a room in the house.
Go Kris! Go Kris!

I don't know...I'm sort of torn on this whole issue..there is such a divide between stay-at-home moms and working moms and at the end of the day (even though I'm a sahm mom right now) I have to say that I am distressed by the divide. I have a new friend who is a militant stay-at-home mom and it kind of bothers me because there is little compassion/understanding for other people and their individual circumstances or needs either emotionally or finanically. Interestingly, she worked full-time with her first child for two years and has done many part-time gigs over the years, but is judgemental of other moms who have to make that kind of a decision now.

I think that there must be a fair balance out there for women!!! We teach our little girls to study hard and be anything that they want to be...but we forget to add the little sidnote that once they have children they often will have to make a choice...It is so tough to be a mom and I think that women that work outside of the home still have their primary role as being the caretaker of their children...much more so than working dads....I wonder where we can strike a balance as a society?

My mom worked full-time when I was growing up and I never felt like I had missed out on something....of course I don't know what I "could have had"....but I did feel very proud of her...she was my inspiration and seeing her do it made me think that it would be possible to strike the balance.

I'm in a sort of funky, debating kind of a mood about the whole issue. I'm at home right now sort of peering at the grass on the other side, I guess. I've done it all...been at home and worked...and I don't know which is more difficult or demanding.....

Forgive if I have offended...I'm just pondering the meaning of life this morning

Kris

In my motherly opinion, "stay at home mom" is a misnomer! I mean, the longer I'm a mom the more I am NOT at home (and I see it getting more and more like that as my kids start school). Anyway, I think a better term is "full-time mom". I think rather than identifying (or attempting to identify) WHERE a mother is during the day it would be more helpful to state what percentage of time a mother spends in her day actually mothering. On that note I'd say there are full-time mothers (who spend, say, over 85% of their time on mothering), part-time mothers (50- 85%), and occasional mothers (25-50%), and neglectful moms - moms in name only (less than 25%). That's the way I'd break it up. No mom I know of spends 100% of her time solely on motherhood - wouldn't you just go insane? On the other hand, once you hit a point of spending less time mothering you have to consider that others are taking up the slack and being "mothers" to your kids. So, if a mother is a part-time mom, then obviously there is someone else, or several someone elses who are the mother the other part of the time (hopefully). So, I think identifying how much time a mother spends in her job says what her primary job is. Now, quality is another issue and, in my opinion, related to quantity but not necessarily a predictor thereof. Some women don't need to spend as much time on the job of motherhood to get everything done well, others of us (me included) really do feel we need to spend a great deal of time on the job to get it right.

Jennifer