A new life

[MrsC]

Ok, so these blogs seem like a great way to get it all out, I'll give it a try. I suppose I should start by saying how I ended up here.

I'm Irish, lived in the same small village, on a farm all my life (except for college). I met DH when I was in college, studying computers. He was in his final year in med school. My good friend and I were sitting in our favourite haunt, a pub in the city, where we could be found every Wed or Thurs night. We were sitting at this table, complaining about men, I was telling her that I was sick of being single.

There were two guys sitting right across the table from us, we could see them glancing over. My first thoughts were, a) they're not Irish and b) they seem a lot older than us. This other guy came over and asked me to dance. He seemed kind of creepy but was very persistant. After a few minutes, one of the guys across the way told him to go away, that I obviously wasn't interested. Well, my admirer took one look at him (6ft, big guy) and ran off. So, blushing I thanked my knight in shining armour and he introduced himself. Then he said, "Without seeming forward, can I just say that you're gorgeous", in a lovely American accent. I blushed even more and said thanks.

We got talking and he told me he was a med student, was going to be a surgeon. I said, that's nice, not seeming very impressed. He asked me to dinner, to which I said "What? Irish people don't go to dinner on a first date" (not college students anyway). He said, "I'm not Irish". After talking all night, and his friend making moves on my poor friend, who had no interest, we went to get a taxi home. It was raining outside and he gave me his jacket, gave my friend his cap (which I thought was so sweet) and we all got in the same taxi. We dropped my friends off first and he was sitting in the front. He jumped out at a stop light and jumped in the back with me, and we had our first kiss! I thought he was a bit mad, he was amusing.

Two days later we met for a drink, where he proceeded to ask me what my relatives died from (nice). I guess he was trying to find out if I came from good stock. The day after, we went to dinner. We never stopped talking, got on so well and he was such a gentleman. From then on I was hooked.

[MrsC]

I'll just pick up where I left off yesterday....

So, we were inseperable for the next few months. It was difficult as DH was studying for his finals and travelling over and back to the U.S. for interviews. He missed the match because his exam results weren't in on time but was offered a place outside of it. I remember him sitting me down and asking what he should do, take the job or wait another year. I couldn't believe he was asking me what to do, we had only been dating for 5 months. I told him to take it. I was so happy for him but at the same time I had no idea what was going to happen with us.

Two friends of mine were planning on going to the U.S. for the summer to work. We had all been considering it. When I found out that I could get a visa too, I was so happy. I told him and he asked if I was going to stay with them or him, I said him of course. He had been hinting that he wanted me to go but I knew he would never ask me outright. He graduated, I met his parents who came over for graduation. He came to the U.S and found an apartment etc. I followed ten days later.

Intern year was tough. I wasn't prepared for the long hours he had to work. I didn't know anything about residency. We still had a great summer though. It was crazy, living together after only 8 months of dating but we loved it. I stayed for five months. I was due to leave in November as my visa was up. We were both confused as to what to do. We had talked about applying for a fiancee visa. I wanted to get engaged before I left, he wanted to wait, didn't want me to feel pressured if I changed my mind. His exact words were "If you love something, set it free..."

We spent thanksgiving with his parents and friends, which was bittersweet. I left the following day. I was all cried out at that stage, just felt numb. The airport goodbye was awful. I remember going up the escalator and looking back, he was jus watching me with this devestated look on his face.

I got home to my whole family waiting at the airport. I had missed them so much. I was so glad to see them, but I felt like I belonged elsewhere. I got a job, worked a lot. It distracted me. I didn't get to talk to SO as much as I would have liked with the time difference and his work. It was an awful two months, I felt like part of me was missing. He kept asking when I was coming back. We had planned that I would go back, we'd apply for a fiancee visa and then I'd go back to Ireland to wait for it. I booked a flight and left a week later. My family were doubtful but they knew it was what I had to do. We had spent a great two months together.

I arrived at the airport. He had just finished work, was parked outside. I saw him, ran into his arms, in front of a whole line of traffic. He said "I'm not letting you go again." It was so good to be back together, I can't describe it. He kept talking about gettng married. He came home from work one day, two weeks later, sat me down on the couch, got down one one knee and proposed. We went to get our marriage licence the following day. We picked out an engagement ring (which he couldn't afford). We got married in a civil ceremony three weeks later. It was just the two of us, very special and beautiful.

Both of our families were shocked, it all happened so fast, but they understood. We're going to have a big wedding later in Ireland, with everyone there.

We've been married six months today. I'm waiting to see what surprise he has planned!! The poor guy probably won't get home until 9pm. Despite his awful work hours, my being very homesick and bored because I couldn't work, we are very happy. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I write all of this because those were the most significant moments. Life is just a series of moments, some of them are unforgettable. The way I felt while we were apart is what keeps me going through the hard times. I never want to feel that emptiness again. Everyone tells me I'm so strong to leave everything behind and start a new life, that they could never do it. Well, I always was one to follow my heart. It was fate.

[MrsC]

So, I wrote all about our meeting and getting married. Six months on and we are still trying to get our lives together.

We have our Immigration interview on Monday, which I'm terrified about. I know everything should go well, and I should have a Greencard soon, but it's so stressful. We have to gather all this evidence proving that we live together, that our marriage is legitimate. It's so strange seeing your life wrapped up in a folder and weird for us, who are private people, to have to show it to someone. I can't wait to have it over with.

I'm also supposed to be starting a job next week (yippee), after two months of searching. That's scary too, I've never worked in this country before but I'm glad that I'll be working.

The last few weeks have been very, very difficult. DH has been working 95 hours a week. It's so hard seeing him tired and miserable. We are trying to sort out our finances. We have ubelievable amounts of debt. Well, unbelievable for me, who has no debt and coming from a country where there are no tuition fees. It just seems so wrong! To me, education is a necessity, not a privilege. I'm just bowled over by the cost of it. I've been looking for a job, trying to get our documentation together and trying not to get irritated by the amount of time DH has to spend at work.

I really do hope that by next month our lives will have settled down somewhat. There have been obstacles thrown against us at every turn. The only good thing that has come from it is that I'm not as homesick. I guess that's just how it is with residency, you're living month to month, never knowing what's around the corner.

[MrsC]

What an awful day.

DH was working last night, he's on nights this week. I called last night but he was too busy to talk to me, which happens quite often. It's hard to believe that he can't spare two mins to say goodnight. Anyway, he usually gets home at 9am. I was expecting to see him around that time but he didn't arrive home until 11. I was a bit worried after an hour when I didn't see him. It was raining outside and he had been going on about how he fell asleep while driving a few days before.

So, he walks in at 11 going on about how he stopped for pizza (it was dinner time to him coz he's on nights). I was so pissed, but didn't want to start a fight. He arrives 2 hours late, having not bothered to tell me he'd be late and couldn't care less. He knew something was up and kept asking what was wrong. I said that I was sick of waiting for him to come home and not knowing what time he'd turn up. I don't think it's too much to ask for him to call and tell me he'd be late. I said I was just feeling down and was pretty stressed out over our immigration interview Monday. He said it would all turn out fine.

I went on about the job that I was offered but it fell through. It had seemed like a really good job too. I can't believe I have to go back job hunting again. I told DH that I was miserable and feeling pretty bad at the moment. He said "You're not miserable!" I said, " I am, can't you understand that?". He said, "Fine, be miserable. What do you want me to do about it." and walked off!!. Of course this made me even more upset. I went into the bedroom and he came in a few mins later, saw me crying and said. "Oh, for petes sake", and got into bed. I asked him why he told me to get over it when I asked him for sopport. He said "What do you want me to do? I'm tired, I'm going to sleep". He was so cold and acted like he didn't care. I said I couldn't believe he spoke to me like that and how I'm always there when he needs support.

I started getting ready to go out, I needed some fresh air. He said "Oh, come here". I went over and he hugged me and said sorry. Of course two mins later he was asleep.

I'm still shocked at his reaction when I was trying to tell him that I was feeling down and needed some support. He just acted like he couldn't care less. This is so unlike him. He's usually great and always knows how to cheer me up. This is the second time he's acted like this in the last few weeks. What annoys me is that he has no comprehension of how difficult the last few months have been. Between moving to another country, having no friends or family here, financial worries, him working all the time, me having trouble finding a job, I'm just overwhelmed. He does not seem to get it. He is the only reason I'm in the country, I left everything behind to be with him, and to have him treat me like this is heartbreaking.

Sometimes I feel like packing up and going back home. I feel like he wouldn't even miss me since he's never around. I mean, he's a great guy in every other way but he expects me to handle all of this the way he does, bottle it up and pretend everything is ok. That's just not me. He would let me go before he'd do anything to change the way he behaves. I just don't know what to do. I come to the brink of leaving every few weeks. I'm not very happy here, everything has been so difficult. I know that if I was still unhappy down the line and decided to go back to Ireland, he would let me go. I breaks my heart to say that but his precious job comes before everything else. I find myself living from month to month, hoping things will get better.

[MrsC]

These are the pictures I posted on the call room:

http://SharonC28.photosite.com/Album5
http://SharonC28.photosite.com/Album1

[MrsC]

Happy birthday to me!!

I've hit the ripe old age of 22. I was sitting here this morning thinking how I feel much older. Then again, I've always been an old head on young shoulders, mature and level-headed. For one thing I never thought I'd be married and living in another country at this age.

DH sang me Happy Birthday at 3:30 this morning, then promptly fell back to sleep. He won't be home until after 8 tonight so we can't plan anything this evening. So, it will be just like any other day.

Libra! About Your Sign...
Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, all the others representing either humans or animals. Many modern astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types because it represents the zenith of the year, the high point of the seasons, when the harvest of all the hard work of the spring is reaped. There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air as mankind enjoys the last of the summer sun and the fruits of his toil. Librans too are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking. They have elegance, charm and good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony (both in music and social living) and the pleasures that these bring.

They have good critical faculty and are able to stand back and look impartially at matters which call for an impartial judgment to be made on them. But they do not tolerate argument from anyone who challenges their opinions, for once they have reached a conclusion, its truth seems to them self-evident; and among their faults is an impatience of criticism and a greed for approval. But their characters are on the whole balanced, diplomatic and even tempered.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship. They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality. Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.

The negative Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least; and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. Their love of pleasure may lead them into extravagance; Libran men can degenerate into reckless gamblers, and Libran women extravagant, jealous and careless about money sometimes squander their wealth and talents in their overenthusiasm for causes which they espouse. Both sexes can become great gossipers. A characteristic of the type is an insatiable curiosity that tempts them to enquire into every social scandal in their circle.

In their work the description "lazy Libra" which is sometimes given is actually more alliterative than true. Librans can be surprisingly energetic, though it is true that they dislike coarse, dirty work. Although some are modestly content, others are extremely ambitious. With their dislike of extremes they make good diplomats but perhaps poor party politicians, for they are moderate in their opinions and able to see other points of view. They can succeed as administrators, lawyers (they have a strong sense of justice, which cynics might say could handicap them in a legal career), antique dealers, civil servants and bankers, for they are trustworthy in handling other people's money. Some Librans are gifted in fashion designing or in devising new cosmetics; others may find success as artists, composers, critics, writers, interior decorators, welfare workers or valuers, and they have an ability in the management of all sorts of public entertainment. Some work philanthropically for humanity with great self-disciple and significant results. Libran financiers sometimes make good speculators, for they have the optimism and ability to recover from financial crashes.

Looks like I'm pretty much a typical Libra.

[MrsC]

Whew, so much has happened in the last week.

I got a Greencard, had my 22nd birthday and found a job. I still find it amazing that all this happened in one week

I start work tomorrow. It's a photography job, in which I'll be fully trained, doing family portraits etc. It's a bit more creative than other jobs I've had, I'm looking forward to it. It should be fun getting little rugrats to sit still for photographs. It's a stepping stone for me and hopefully the beginning of a career. All my hopes for a degree in the next few years have evaporated since we just can't afford it....And so the sacrafices begin!!

So, there's a whole lot of change going on around here but it's all good. DH finished the awful rotation he was on so I'll have him home for dinner every night (fingers crossed). We can finally start planning our trip to Ireland which I'm soo looking forward to. Haven't seen my family in 8 months.

We visited the IL's last night which was interesting as usual. MIL enjoyed criticizing everything I did while being super-nice to BIL's girlfriend. I don't know what to think of the woman. She's nice one day and full of scathing remarks the next. Of course I'm just not good enough for her son the dawkter! FIL, on the other hand is great. He was so happy for me after my Greencard approval and is now hinting that he can't wait to have grandchildren (yeah, I'm only 22 and we're broke).

Every family has it's issues. Boy do I know this, my own would fall into the "highly dysfunctional" category but one thing I'm sure of is that my parents will NEVER interfere. They understand that it's OUR life and are very supportive. The problem with my IL's is that we live too near and DH feels guilty having been in Ireland for the last 5 years, ugh!! I would be so angry with the 'I haven't seen ye in ages' phone calls (it's been two weeks) but he just puts up with it. I hardly see him and we live together.

I guess that's enough venting for one day!

[MrsC]

So much for this new rotation. I was looking forward to him being home for dinner for a change. I went to all this trouble, cooked a lovely meal, which has been sitting here for two hours. DH just called to say he got stuck in a case for two hours and will try to be home soon. I don't know why I bother. I'm sitting here thinking that this is going to happen over and over again and I hate it.

[MrsC]

I'm not very good at updating this thing. Actually, looking at it, it all seems very negative. I guess I only post when I want to get something off my chest.

The last few weeks have been pretty good. I love my new job and I'm seriously considering a career in photography or something along those lines. We're getting used to the new routine. It's strange since I hadn't worked in so long.

I took down my ticker as we are no longer going to Ireland. We simply can't afford it. At first I was devastated, I haven't seen my family in 9 months!! But, as I think about it, maybe it would be better to wait until we're properly settled here. We're just starting to develop a sense of normality after the immigration process, DH's awful rotations and my starting a new job. I have to tell my family today, which is going to be awful. DH suggested that I go on my own but I think it would be weird. My family hasn't seen us since we got married. My grandparents have never met him. It just doesn't feel right going without him. I had promised myself that the next time I went, it would be with my husband. I don't know, he thinks it would be great for me to go alone but I don't like the idea. Is that so wrong? I've waited this long, what difference will another few months make.

I really think that this vacation (thinking of going to Florida) will do us the world of good. We were fighting all weekend and it was awful. Is short, he thinks that I'm just not happy. He has this constant fear that I'll decide it's too much for me and go back to Ireland, which is rediculous! It was awful to hear him say that, especially since I've been much happier now that I'm working. I really felt like I'd been making some progress. Sure it's been very difficult but I just moved to another country, it's going to take some time to adjust. Everything is so different and I get frustrated, like him having to show me how to lodge my paycheck, stupid things like that. We agreed that I would go and see a councellor, which I have been suggesting for months. Next step is making an appointment! DH thinks that he can fix everything, thinks that he can make me happy but that's not how it works. I just need to figure out how to deal with all this change in a more positive way. We did talk about a lot of things so I guess it turned out to be a pretty productive weekend after all.

Oh, I've got to start posting with some good news for a change.

[MrsC]

Well, I've kind of gotten over not being able to go to Ireland for vacation. My family took it pretty well, they kind of expected it since we hadn't booked anything. My younger sister was upset though, she's 14. I probably miss her most of all. Hopefully it won't be long before we see them all.

We're still going away. We're off to Florida on the 6th for a few days. We're such big kids, going to Disney World on vacation. I can't wait!! This is our first proper vacation together, ever! We've had weekends away and that but it's not quite the same. I am really looking forward to it. At least I can put a new ticker up.

I just hope we can still enjoy it all. Just when we thought things were settling down, we have more drama, with DH's job this time. This life is so, so difficult. You kind of sail along and take it for what it is, and then get a setback and it's awful. I can't write about it yet but I'm sure I will do in the near future.

All I can do is hope this week flies by. We need some R & R!!

[MrsC]

What a wonderful week, I can't believe it's over.

We flew down to Florida on Monday morning, went to see a show called Arabian Knights which was excellent (I think the free alcohol helped though). Next day we went to Magic Kingdom. It rained for most of the day which put a dampener on things. DH got soaked, after giving his jacket to me to keep me dry. We went on Space Mountain, which put an end to the rollercoasters for DH, he hates them. I loved it! We spent the whole day there, despite the rain. It was all worth it as we sat shivering in the evening watching the fireworks display. I didn't want to leave. DH turned to me and said, 'don't worry, we'll be back some day and maybe then we'll have a little one'. I don't know why but it brought tears to my eyes. I think it's just being reminded that we are a little family now.

The day after we went to Animal Kingdom, which is great for animal lovers like us. The safari was great and it was a lovely sunny day. DH was laughing at me because nothing put a smile on my face like when we saw the pet sheep and goats in the petting zoo. I grew up on a farm and raised many animals by hand so it brought back wonderful memories.

We spent the last day lounging by the pool and sipping cocktails and when we got back, still had a weekend to ourselves. I was worried that we'd be arguing if we spent every minute together but it was excellent. We enjoyed it so much. I was happy to see DH so relaxed and stress-free. I remember thinking, this is the man I met, not the exhausted, stressed out guy I usually see. I think it put a lot of things into perspective for us. We both realised how much of a toll residency has taken on him and on us. At the same time, it shows that we'll be ok when it's all over and done with. We were like a couple of lovesick teenagers going back to work today. I missed him so much today and he said he was the same.

Finally, a positive post.

[MrsC]

Happy Thanksgiving!

So, DH is on call and I won't see him until tomorrow evening. I decided against bringing him dinner at the hospital because he'd be too busy to enjoy it anyway. We're going to have a proper dinner tomorrow instead. I'm trying to get over this horrible headcold. I had to leave work early yesterday because of the headaches I'm getting. DH has the same thing, he thinks it's something he picked up at the hospital.

The big news is that he has decided to leave surgery. This has been coming for months, actually he almost left at the end of his intern year. He has his first interview for an Anesthesiology program on Monday. It's almost too good to be true, no call for the first three months!! Well, after this week (call is Q2), anything would be better. I am so happy that he's finally going to make the change. Surgery has sucked the lives out of us. He was reluctant for a long time, didn't want to 'give up' on surgery but in the end he just wasn't happy with it. I don't think it suits his personality and I honestly believe that he'll be much happier doing anesthesiology.

So, fingers crossed! I hope he gets it!

My job is soo busy right now, I'm tired of it. There have been a lot of changes made in the last few weeks and the Christmas season is just crazy. I will probably have to leave once DH finds a different program, hopefully we won't have to move too far. Honestly, I'm not bothered by it. Now that I've gotten over the move here from Ireland and I've finally settled in, moving apartments, changing jobs doesn't seem that big of a deal anymore. I know that it's all for the better.

[MrsC]

Wow, I'm really not good at updating this thing.

It's been another crazy couple of months here. I went from having a really busy work schedule to 20 hours a week. The photography business is very seasonal. I love it though and if needs be I'll find another job to earn some extra mula. This job has made me realize how nuch I missed being creative and using my artistic talents. It's really all I can see myself doing. I'm hoping, in the next few years to go back and get my art degree. DH is horrified by this thought. He'd much rather that I get a PROPER (not his words but I know what he meant) job ie. in the medical field or even business. I do feel bad about not earning that much but in my book, residency doesn't really allow me to pursue a fabulous career and spend time with DH. I'd love to have a career in photography or graphic design.

So, it's only two weeks until DH makes the big switch from surgery to anesthesiology. He's really looking forward to it and I'm hoping for a less stressed out husband. Three months of NO CALL sounds pretty good too. We won't know what to do with ourselves. His program director gives his best wishes and he's leaving on good terms. They're very happy for him, except for a couple of bitter old attendings who see him as a traitor but who cares. Actually, it seems that him taking the plunge has prompted a couple of his fellow residents to do the same. One guy, who had been thinking about it, is now moving back to NC with his wife and baby, so that they can be near their families. He's also switching to family practice. I'm glad that DH doing this first has made it easier for him.

Otherwise, we've been doing some planning. Our trip to Ireland will be in April. We are going this time, I'll make sure of it. We've also been looking into wedding venues in Ireland. I know, we're already married but we want to go all out and have a renewal of vows and a big reception right after residency.

Here are our top picks for the reception

http://www.adaremanor.ie
http://www.dromoland.ie

Personally, I'd rather Adare Manor as it's only 20 mins form where I grew up and where my parents live and it would mean that we could have the ceremony in one of our local churches. It's a long way off but it's something to dream about.

Dh was talking last night about what he'd do if we won the 180 million lottery jackpot ( yeah, he does the lottery regularly). He said that the first thing he would do would be to take me to Ireland and have a huge wedding. I thought it was sweet.

[MrsC]

This week I lost someone close to me, a very special person. On Sunday I got a call from my Dad in Ireland, saying that my aunt had died suddenly. She was just 46 years old. I'm still finding it difficult to come to terms with. She was so full of life. She was the kind of person who made friends with everyone. She was more like a 26 years old. She worked hard but knew how to enjoy herself too. She filled every minute of every day and rarely had time to herself.

On Monday, I got on the plane and went back to Ireland. I hadn't seen my family in almost a year and to have to return under those circumstances was hard. Those two days I will never forget, and I never want to have to experience anything like it again. There was one moment, in the funeral home, 50 or so people, some of the toughest men I know, and I saw every one of them break down in tears. It was tragic. She had planned to get married in the next couple of years, give up her job and stay at home to manage her little farm, where she bred beautiful thoroughbred horses. She had a gift with animals. She would come home after mucking out stables and in thirty minutes would be transformed into the beautiful, elegant person that she was. She was a lady.

I came home yesterday and it's still hard. I think being so far away is worse. I'm constantly checking in on my family. They are all very close. She had 11 siblings and my grandparents. At least they have each other. They're still reeling though. The cause of her death is still unknown and because of her job it is still being investigated. I'm pretty certain it was of natural causes but the uncertainty is awful.

The song by Coldplay "Lights Will Guide You Home" was played at her funeral. They were her favourite band.

I know that she's in a better place now.
May she rest in peace.

[MrsC]

I haven't been around much lately and I've gotta say, I miss posting on the boards. When I say that I haven't been around, I have really, I just don't have the ME time anymore. I never thought I'd complain about DH being home all the time but......

Aww, I shouldn't say that. It's been great having him home BEFORE six every day. He has every weekend off too. After almost a year of marriage, we're finally getting to know each other.

On the other hand, we're kind of stuck in a rut. We have all this free time and don't know what to do with it. We don't really have any mutual friends. I think we both find it kind of difficult to make friends and neither of us wants to socilize too much with the people we work with. So, that leaves us where... We're pretty much joined at the hip, go everywhere together so we were thinking of taking a class or something. I don't know.

I've gotta go, will post more later!!