My Decision

I must remain true to my integrity. As such, I cannot sit by idly and allow others to bully in the name of political correctness. Since I am not allowed to have well thought out opinions that run contrary to popular thought I don't think this phorum is either fair or in my best interests as a woman, mother, and spouse. I now see that we have divided ourselves up according to who we have sex with. I find that a little disgusting. Will we be dividing the site up based on color of skin next? I am sorry, you all do have the potential to actually be a support for the family and when I joined this site I was looking for support for me and my family. However, instead I see a lot of confusion and inability to even decide what your beliefs, let alone your causes, are. I suppose I write this in vain, though, since it will immediately be erased as "inflammatory".

I am sorry that you feel this way, Jennifer, but the discussion that was erased became an attack. I received private emails from several of the list members and felt obligated to take action.



You are always welcome to post in this forum, but I think that we are morally obligated on this paricular forum to be supportive of each other. Discussing hot topics is fun and interesting but when it gets out of hand, it can be hurtful.



This is the first time that I have ever removed any posts and I did it to protect members of our forum. I am sorry if this offends anyone...but I can assure you, Jennifer, that if someone was attacking for example your mormon religioin for example on this forum that is supposed to be here to support medical spouses and not tear them apart for their beliefs..I would feel compelled to step in as the moderator and remove them.



Any reputable board watches out for all of its members and on other boards, for example the student doctor network at http://www.studentdoctor.net, the moderators regularly protect their members from spam and conversations that spiral out of control.



In addition, it is common courtesy on message boards to refrain from flaming.



I understand that you disagree with my opinion and I can accept that. I enjoy talking with you and encourage you to let it go and enjoy the support that you can get.



I know that there are other boards that you post at...and I wonder what would happen there if posts were made of the same nature? I can imagine that they wouldn't be tolerated there as well...of course the posts there are only saved for a week or two so they would finally disappear if they weren't removed...but on this forum the words stay posted indefinately.



I would like to hear feedback from other members of the group.



Kristen
Edited by: kmmath  at: 9/27/00 8:37:29 am

my only feedback is that I was not one of the individuals who initially contacted Kris. I was also contacted by a number of members of the forum. My only concern was for others like me who may happen upon the site. I was not offended as I have had similar discussions in the past, with other individuals that share your convictions.

I would like to say that I have done no posting or emailing on this subject just because I don't feel I can get my point across in words. I also don't believe we can all agree on everything. If a person can't express views and opinions then what help is this forum? Sure, anyone can give incouraging smiles, tell people to hang in there, and that things will hopefully be better one day. Is that what is really wanted here? Just support? There are tons of questions that I would like help with but if all I'm going to get is support by being told it will "get better" then I really need to look other places for my answers. This does not mean I'll not ask them here I'll just expect to get it "sugar coated" ~ Devera

Jennifer,



I don't think that anyone on the board was attacking your beliefs any more than you were attacking the beliefs of others. Although there were more people on the side opposite to your view, there were enough words on both sides to warrant a long, equally charged debate. When people have strong convictions, they tend to defend them vigorously. If one is not careful, it can turn into what sounds like an attack, even if in your heart you did not mean it that way. It can be very hard to step back and say "hmmm, that's an interesting theory, however, I disagree because of this". It's very different than saying "you are wrong because..." The world is richer for having many voices, even if we don't always agree.



What I read into your comments yesterday was, in my personal and humble opinion, inflammatory. Perhaps if I heard you, in your spoken voice, speak these same words they would have sounded more conversational. However, reading them on the screen I sensed a lot of intolerance and anger on your part. Perhaps that is one limitation of the written word.



That said, I still think that this group still can be supportive (although last night I thought it had self destructed). Perhaps it would be healthy to agree to disagree. My friends are all unique and different from one another. They have different upbringings, different religions, different professions, different lifestyles, etc. Just because I do not agree with everything they do does not negate our friendship. You and I have emailed about our wonderful children, and I value that tremendously. I would feel a huge sense of loss if we lost our email friendship because we disagree in SOME of our beliefs. If I don't always agree with you, I still accept you. Can you accept me if I disagree with some of your beliefs?



You told me early on in our correspondence that you are a LDS. I know a fair bit about your religion, and I knew from the beginning of our correspondence that we were as likely to strongly disagree on many issues as we were to agree on others. Even so, I respect you as the person you are, and I was so happy to make your acquaintance and talk about the difficult job of raising twins. You said early that you thought we have a lot in common. I still think we do. However, I do not want ONE aspect of our lives to prevent the possibility of support and friendship that we can all benefit from. That would be prejudging each other based on religion. It would be easier for me to walk away after yesterday, but I would rather not do that. For once, I'd like to take the harder, but more rewarding path.



Again, it is easier to walk away than it is to stay. I think we can all learn at least a little something from yesterday's debate. I'm sure we'll all learn different things. Hopefully that's a good thing.



Sincerely,

Janet

No, this did not take place on another board but it would not have surprised me if it had. I think it is healthy to disagree. We are all different and our opinions are our own and I have to admire those that stand up for them, be it Jason, Jennifer, Janet, or Kristen. Sure Jennifer had some pretty strong posts but nothing in which made me feel uncomfortable to read. It makes me a little uncomfortable to post if I have to watch everything I type as to not step on ANY toes. That to me is sugar coated ~ Devera

Janet, I wasn't aware that we needed to take a side in the earlier discussion. I didn't post because I didn't feel I could add anything other than what Jennifer did. I stand behind her, I just try to stay away from religious discussions after what happened on the HeartLand board.

I guess that is illustrates my point a bit: The religious discussion gone awry on the heartchoice board....there are certain topics which when discussed can cause people to very earnestly begin to defend their own points of view...at the cost of rational discussion and even hurting others.



We all have so much stress going on in our lives....do we then want to come to a message board where we are attacked for our views? I don't think so. It didn't work out on the heartchoice board nor did it work out here...and I venture to guess that unless discussions of that nature take place in a forum dedicated to those issues that there will end up being a lot of anger....and membership will fall off because of that. After the religious thing at heartchoice people had difficulty getting back into it as well.



I dont believe that things need to be sugar-coated, Devera, but I do believe that there is an appropriate time and place....and this board is a place where anyone can feel free to come and discuss honestly the issues in their lives...not a place to begin flaming discussions about the morality of people's individual choices or beliefs.



Our main goal is to create an atmosphere of friendship and trust...not a place where if you are a different religion, orientation, etc...from other members of the board that you will be subject to their scrutiny and angry discussion.



If you call that sugar-coated, so be it. I don't have any problems with people discussing different views on things...but when it comes to insulting others there has to be a limit.



I am sorry that you feel strongly that I have made a mistake, but I made the best decision that I could at the time.

Jennifer, don't leave. I enjoy reading your thoughts and experiences!!



If you do leave, then know that you can email me anytime. I want hear about your experiences with raising kids and your husband (haha). I need help and support in those areas and would enjoy talking with you. Email me.



Christy

bcphares@yahoo.com

I think that that is pretty unfair. I believe that you know from our discussion forum that there is little sugar-coating going on. But there is a distinct difference between discussing and debating and attacking....I don't think anyone here sugarcoats anything and it is unfair to every member to suggest that that is done. The women and men here have been open and honest with each other about their problems, hopes, etc....no one here has taken an "it will all be ok stance".



Tell me, would this discussion have gone on at the other boards? I don't think so.