Co-sleeping

[Phoebe]

I have been meaning to ask this question... I am not trying to start a debate or anything. I just wanted to ask for those of you who co-sleep or have co-slept with infants how do you go about it? How long before you moved them into their crib? I went to mothering.com last night. I was also talking to my neighbor who has a son a few weeks older than our baby. She has moved him to the crib for nightsleeping.

DD#1 -we has a bassinet, but quickly (within two months) she was moved to the crib because she was so loud and I was a little paranoid.
She slept through the night at 4 months and quit nursing (her choice) at 5 months.

DD#2- again used the bassinet until 4 months and nursed in bed with me. She napped and slept in our bed when DH wasn't home a lot longer and didn't sleep through the night until 7 months.

DD#3 -has already outgrown the bassinet and doesn't like to sleep in there. Most nights I nurse her laying down in our bed to get her to sleep because if you move her she awakens. I worry about cosleeping with her in my bed and don't sleep well unless DH isn't in the bed. Plus, we sometimes have other kids trying to climb in bed with us. I need more sleep and want Tyler to move into her crib since she won't sleep in the bassinet. However, I feel a loss and bad that I want to do this. I don't know if it is because she is our last or reading those mothering.com boards where they have a family bed until their kids go to college.

Just wondering how others cosleep.....

[Michele]

New mom alert!!! Not much is based on actual experience!!

We have a Mini Arms Reach Co Sleeper attached to the bed. In theory, this is where Daegan sleeps...in actuality he sleeps in our bed. I'm trying to move him to the co-sleeper b/c my back hurts from the crazy position I sleep in to 'protect' him. I like him in our bed, though...last night I put him the co-sleeper when he was asleep and he stayed there for 3 hours, then he was in our bed for the rest of the night. He startles when I put him in it if he's asleep...sometimes he wakes up and sometimes he'll go back to sleep. He's not able to roll over yet and I worry about when he is. Our bed is not 'regulation' which is probably why I sleep so sucky...we have a cushy bed and a down comforter....I'm trying to protect him from suffocating.

As for when is too old?? Not a clue. I think he'll be in our room for a year (shh don't tell Russ) but I'm hoping he'll move to the co-sleeper by at least when I go back to work (which right now is never :> don't tell Russ again!). I'll probably not move him to his crib in the other room until he is sleeping through the night w/o nursing. But if that comes earlier than a year, I might not move him until a year.

Though like I said in the other post, when I was a kid I hated being kicked back to my bed. So I like to think I'll let my children come back into the bed when they want....of course we should have a king-sized bed by then...even bigger if I can find it...the dogs get left out now!!

[Michele]

Re: Co-sleeping

I need more sleep and want Tyler to move into her crib since she won't sleep in the bassinet. However, I feel a loss and bad that I want to do this.

I feel bad about wanting to not have my back hurt too! I use the NICU excuse though a lot...'he was lonely in there' and 'he doesn't like sleeping alone b/c it reminds him of the NICU.' Is it valid? Who knows? Does it make me feel better about keeping him in our bed? Yes. Does it shut Russ up when he wants Daegan out of the bed? Yes!

[houseelf]

I didn't put to much forethought into it. It basically happened out of exhaustion. I slept on my side with the babies on their side facing me. That way they could snack whenever they needed to without too much rousing. I seriously reduced the bedding.

When it's time for them to transition to the crib, we do a mild version of crying it out. It took DD three days to realize that she was going to be sleeping in the crib from that point on.

My kids still both creep into my bed at night occasionally. I'm quite ambivalent about it. I know that we're supposed to honor their independence, blah, blah, blah. But there is something so sweet about their seeking physical comfort from us. We're like a big pile of puppies with limbs all piled on top of one another.

Wishing you the best of luck finding the perfect solution for your sleep deprived family.

Kelly

[migirl]

Before Jack was born I had all of these grandiose ideas about what I would and would not do as a parent (ha ha ha, BTW ). I was definitely not going to co-sleep because of the safety concerns. By the end of Jack's first week of life I was so exhausted that we resorted to co-sleeping. I, too, was concerned about suffocation and DH rolling over onto him, so I opted to sleep in our spare bedroom with Jack (my choice). The bed is pushed up against the wall, so I put him between me and the wall (he wasn't rolling yet), so he couldn't fall off the bed. I slept on my side facing him so I wouldn't roll over onto him. We slept on top of the covers and I had a light afghan that I pulled over myself to keep warm, rather than getting under the covers and risk having the blankets pulled over his head. (Do you think I took enough precautions?? )

We kept this arrangement until he was about 4 months old, when I moved him into his crib. I spent a lot of time worrying about how he would do during the transition, and prepared myself for some nighttime protests about it, but ... nothing happened. He slept just fine, and has ever since. (That actually kinda hurt my feelings, but anyway...)

I don't know when is too old, I guess whatever works for you and your family. Do whatever's easiest for you and gets you the best sleep! Good luck!!

[Vanquisher]

We co-slept with both kids. They are both still breathing, so it's all good.

[Malpka]

All of my kids are still in the bed with us I am just don't have it in my to CIO or stretch feedings, so having them sacked in with us was really a matter of survival. DH actually loves having them in the bed with us, because even if he gets home after they go to bed, he feels like he is spending time with them. I had the co-sleeper too, when they were newborns, but usually ended up just sleeping with them plugged in at the boob. I kind of held them in the crook of my arm all night, so I was never really worried about DH or a bigger kid rolling on them. We use light weight blankets with loose weaves as a safety measure as well. Our bed is a King, and honestly, I never really feel my sleep is disrupted by the kids. I am a light sleeper by nature though, and am usually good to go on 5 or 6 hours of sleep. I suppose we will nudge the oldest towards his own bed soon to make room for the new babe.

Too much snoring all around by the "boys" I thought DH would wake up the infant and then in reality the baby would wake me up....in a complete fluke one of our neighbours was co sleeping and there was an accident and so of course I was neurotic anyway and that did it for me...they have all slept in their own rooms from day 1. We do have a bed in the babies room though and there were many nights I crashed there in the first 3 months. I say whatever works for you and the little one is best!

[Phoebe]

Thanks for the responses. I know it is a very personal question. I have decided to put DD in her crib until she wakes up at night and then see what happens. However, the last two days she decided she won't sleep period unless I am sleeping next to her and attached. We were up until midnight last night. Ugh!

I just really wondered what people's definition of co-sleeping was.

I feel so unmaternal! DS slept in a mini cot beside my bed (bigger than basinette, but much smaller than the cot), When he woke, he got his bottle and I'd put him back in his cot when he was finished, one night i was so exhausted i didn't wake when he woke looking for food so he went back to sleep and neer woke in the night again, at 6 weeks, he was out into his own room as i would wake him when i came in to go to bed and he didn't like it.

It was only when he developed bronchiolitis and chest infection after chest infection and asthma that he moved into my bed so i could give him his nebulisers without him waking up and cuddling him, at about 8-10 months. plus i had to get him a baby pillow to prop him up because he'd develop difficulty in breathing lying flat and raising one end of the cot wasn't helping. he's still comes in in the middle of the night for about 1 mins, has a cuddle and then says 'i'm going back to matthew's bed, mommy's bed is too hot'

[Cumberland]

Kind of off topic, but when we were in India, an Ob resident there was telling us that the norm is for the kids to sleep in bed with the parents for several years ( on a plastic sheet with no diaper, too but their 16 month old son was potty trained already). When we told her that most people put their kids in cribs in their own room, and that is what we do, she and her husband ( a peds surgeon) looked shocked, and there was this uncomfortable silence. It is interesting how differently things are done culturally.