Mommy guilt

DH and I are planning a getaway without DS at the end of April. The plane tickets are on hold, but I just can't bring myself to hit the purchase button. I have never been away from DS for more than 6 hours....I just don't know how I'm going to make it a week.

DH and I are REALLY looking forward to having some alone time (and being able to go through airport security WITHOUT all of the baby paraphernalia) and this may be our only chance to get away before we start trying for baby #2. I just can't get past the guilt of not bringing DS along with us. My mom will be flying in to watch DS. I know he will be in good hands and probably won't even notice that we're gone, so I don't know why I am having such a rough time.

I guess it doesn't help that when DH recently mentioned our trip to one of his coworkers, her response was, "Without Andrew? What will your wife say?!" and his response was, "She's fine with it....afterall, it was her idea!".....and it was. Now I feel like I'm this horrible, uncaring mother for wanting to leave my son behind.

I know this vacation can only benefit our marriage and, in turn, make me a better parent.....so how do I get over the mommy guilt?

You won't...but GO ANYWAY!!!!! Your ds will be in great hands with g-ma and your dh and you will have a wonderful time. Enjoy just the two of you before you start for a #2. Just my .02 from a mommy of 4 that would LOVE to leave my little ones for a few days and go somewhere with dh. (BUT, I would be feeling the exact same way. It's just what moms do)

[houseelf]

Everything your feeling is normal, normal, normal. I went through self-flagellation over this exact thing. I read a great article wherein the author opined that many parents have to split custody and therefore forego seeing their kids 50% of the time because they let the marriage go. She felt that taking that getaway with her husband was also indirectly an investment in her child's wellbeing. I thought that this was a great analysis.

BTW, my child gets soooo much by spending time with his grandparents. His whole world is much broader and more stable because of it.

Go, Enjoy, and drink lots of frou-frou drinks with umbrellas.

House Elf.

How to get over the guilt? By going. You might still feel guilty but he will be fine and you will be fine. I promise.

It is hard to do but totally worth it.

I write out detailed notes about what my kids do during the day, problems that might arise, etc. It makes me feel better and my mom says she likes it (but I wonder if she gets a laugh out of the level of detail ).

[mommax3]

GO, go, go! You will be glad you did, your mom will be honored that you trust her enough to stay with DS, and your son will benefit from both the time with his grandma and from having parents who are refreshed after their vacation! We have been blessed with in-laws that have watched our boys for us when we have taken trips, and I truly believe our marriage would not be as strong had we not taken them.

Sally

Everyone is right. GO!

If it's too much to deal w/a week for the first junket - maybe try 4 or 5 days??

Do it. GO!

[DCJenn]

Go.

You'll feel mommy guilt about something if you were home anyway, so you might as well bring it on full force, spend 24 hours of your vacation obsessing and then feel guilty for not feeling guilty anymore.

Jenn

[madeintaiwan]

I totally know how you feel. This past week when we went to MI for 3 days for interviews, it was the first time I have ever spent a night from my kids (exception being when I was in the hospital having DD). DS will be 6 in March. I was super nervous even though my MIL is a PICU nurse but they were fine. They had a great time, especially MIL. She will have the kids for a week back at her home in CA at the end of May when DH and I go Maui for graduation. I am super nervous about them going to Disneyland but they'll be fine. It was great to get away and spend some time alone with DH. They're always a phone call away. You miss them and you feel guilty but as long as their in good hands you and DH deserve some time alone.

Go.

You'll feel mommy guilt about something if you were home anyway, so you might as well bring it on full force, spend 24 hours of your vacation obsessing and then feel guilty for not feeling guilty anymore.

Jenn

Very true! Thanks for all of the advice, ladies. I'm starting to feel better and hopefully will get things booked tonight.....hopefully. I sure hope I don't see any toddlers while we're away because that will definitely throw me over the edge.

I like the idea of leaving detailed lists...better stock up on post-its! My mom is looking forward to her time alone with Andrew...I think she's just looking forward to not having me here telling her she's letting him watch too much tv or eat too many snacks or .........

Are you going to Hawaii by chance?

I wish. It takes something like 10 hours to fly there now. We're planning on heading to Anguilla unless I chicken out!

Lots of special memories for both of them. It's a gift.

So true, a good point.

When you go, see how long you make it before you are talking about him all of the time.