Siblings. . .

When does it get better? My older daughter is 3.5yo and the "baby" is
10 months old. Of course, the baby LOVES her older sister and wants
to spend her entire days in her room. . .rummaging through her things.
This was OK with big sis until recently and now she just flips out and will
not let her little sis touch anything in her room (except maybe a piece of paper. Gee, thanks). So, I feel like we can't play in her room b/c she wants me to just hold the baby while "we" play. That was OK when she was 3 months old. . .

So we go into the baby's room and it's either (A) I am talking to the baby and showing her a book or something and big sis is just sitting there in a chair with the most depressed look on her face or (B) she comes up with this elaborate "show" that we are doing and we are all characters and I have to button her ballgown and . . . and somehow my plan of going into the baby's room to give her some attention and playtime is now thwarted and the attention is back on her.

I'm at a loss. I feel so frustrated for most of the day that I can't come up with some plan (that is probably completely obvious) to keep both of them relatively content (or fulfill my objective of giving both of them some attention and playtime during the day). Preschool would be the obvious answer but that isn't an option until next year. Older daughter wants to go so badly. I was explaining to her that some preschools are 3 mornings a week and some are every morning - she interrupts me and shouts "I want to go EVERY morning!" Well, I guess we won't have any separation anxiety issues

Any creative ideas? Thoughts? Suggestions?

[mommax3]

Use the stove timer and explain that for X amount of time, you will be playing "baby" games, and then for the same amount of time, you will do "big sister" stuff. If big sis wants to be with you during baby's time, she will have to understand that for those minutes it is all about the baby. During your oldest's time with you, would the baby go in an exersaucer or anything? Or could you have playtime with your oldest when the baby is napping? Something else I always did is involve the older one in playing with the younger one, and I tried to explain whatever developmental skill the younger one was approaching and suggested ways for the older one to help them "practice" that skill. For better or for worse, the oldest kid in the family drives the interests of the others....my younger two sons gave up baby, toddler, and preschool pursuits MUCH sooner than my oldest did, all because they were so interested in what their big brother was doing. It was always sad for me because it made each stage seem to pass too quickly!

It *is* hard to have two at those ages. Mine were boys, so their idea of playtime was a little different, but the issue definitely came up. The blessing and the curse of siblings is that they provide a crash course for each other in sharing, cooperating, and getting along with others.....things that will benefit them their whole lives. But the crash course is ROUGH. :>

Hang in there.

Sally

[PrincessFiona]

Right now we're going through something similar. I've been packing Aidan and Zoe up and heading out to a play area. Aidan plays with other little ones his age (and has an blast) and can shout "Mom, look at me" while he shows off....and I can tend to my trying to crawl and putting everything in her mouth daughter without...him getting mad and saying "I hate that baby. Take her back to the hospital ).

He has really lightened up since we've started taking these daily trips...and this morning before we went he actually sat down and watched a movie in his sleeping bag and let Zoe sit in the sleeping bag with him. I had to watch him like a hawk becaue I was afraid he was going to push her onto the floor or something when I wasn't looking.

The good news? They grow out of it....eventually....

kris